


The Best 90's Movie Ever

by Scoutsintoskirms



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Competition, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Foursome - F/F/M/M, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Language Barrier, Loss of Virginity, Memory Magic, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay, Rivalry, Sex, Sexual Humor, Teacher-Student Relationship, Threesome - F/M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:28:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 64,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scoutsintoskirms/pseuds/Scoutsintoskirms
Summary: Draco Malfoy challenges Harry to a duel of sexual conquest, claiming he will have made the most witches orgasm before the end of the year. With Ron's encouragement and offer to help in any way he can, Harry accepts this challenge, though it may prove more challenging than any of them expect, especially since Malfoy might have had more than idle bluster on his side- Will Harry succeed in proving him wrong? How will he go about finding willing subjects for their unapologetically toxic competition? What exactly did Ron mean by 'Weasley Wingmannery'?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. The Challenge

Harry was not terribly surprised when his name did not come out of the Goblet of Fire. He had not for a moment allowed himself to think fourth year would be easy, and it was a refreshing change of pace to be wrong. Everyone around him seemed to take it as a matter of course.

"I should too, really," he observed quietly. "I'm too young to even enter. There's no way I would be chosen."

When they were going back to their dormitories, however, Malfoy was waiting for him in the corridor.

"Potter. Weasley. I should have figured you two would be together. Flies to dung, dung to flies and all."

"What do you want, Malfoy? Are you going to challenge us to another duel?" Ron asked. It seemed Hermione had gone on a head of them. _'I just lost sight of her,'_ Harry thought to himself.

"What are we, first years? It's all too obvious who would win that arrangement. I want a greater challenge." Harry was tempted to roll his eyes, but he had learned not to take them off the slimy Slytherin in front of him.

"What do you propose?"

"I knew you would agree. You're entirely too predictable, Potter. That's why you won't win." He looked like he had had enough fun leading them on. Ron was already gesturing rudely for him to continue. "Whoever beds the most witches by the end of the year wins."

"What?" Harry asked.

"You're on!" Ron answered.

"No, no, before- how are you going to tell?" He was only forestalling the inevitable by asking how the terms worked. It must have been exactly as Malfoy planned, making him look foolish by running from the challenge. _'Well, I bet he's not got any more experience. I wouldn't be surprised if he chickens out straight away',_ he thought.

"There's a spell the seventh-years from two years ago invented. It reveals your exact 'body count', if you will, with no errors at all. There is no way of hoodwinking the spell."

"How do you know that?"

"We can find out about it ourselves, mate. If it's a bogus spell, it's a false challenge." He supposed Ron had a point. It was easy to see a way that their old rival was simply playing a game of chicken, but he had a sinking feeling there was more to it.

"We're catching on, then. Would you like to define the terms?" Harry knew he could not let Malfoy do it himself. It was not as if he lacked for cleverness, but it would be just like Malfoy to hinge his whole plan on the wording of the contract.

"First tell us how the spell works."

"It's not invasive or anything," he said, sneering more than strictly necessary. "It's just a charm that makes a number of witches you've brought to orgasm- properly, not a half-gasp or anything- appear before you in silver. The incantation is _parvus mortem._ "

"We could learn it to keep you on track," Ron suggested. It seemed like a good idea. If they got out to enough of a lead by the time- no, what was he thinking? Malfoy was tricking them somehow.

"What do I win?"

"Is it not enough just to win?" Harry only glared. He had had enough glory and honor to last him the rest of his life already. "Very well. The loser will by rule-breaking reduce his House Point total as low as possible.

That made things interesting, to say the least, enough that he was tempted to walk away. At the same time, he felt like he stood a good chance even if it were a real challenge, and if he won Gryffindor would secure the House Cup yet again. The most delicious part of it, however, would be that Malfoy would lose it for Slytherin.

"I accept your wager. Now the terms. You claim that you will bed the most witches- and that's witches, right? We can't go to a nearby muggle town?"

"Of course not, that's disgusting." Harry was tempted to roll his eyes again. "Besides, we would only be using magical tricks on them without their knowledge. It would ruin the spirit of the game."

Thinking on it more, he guessed it really was unfair, but mostly to the random girls who were falling victim to their game. ' _They have to at least know magic exists.'_

"So you're not going to be using magical tricks to turn yourself into someone handsome?" Ron asked.

"No, Weasley. I have no more need of that than you a spell that would make you poor. I shall write a condition into the terms, then." He rolled out a length of parchment and a quill moved by itself to record what they were saying.

"It made me think of something else. No one's going to know about this bet, right?"

"It would serve neither of us to mention it to anyone." Harry thought about it. _'That means he's not going to write it into the contract explicitly.'_

"Fine. We can't paint ourselves into a corner this way. If someone figures it out, at least we won't be unable to say anything."

They went over a few more terms and cautions before signing the document. Somehow, in all the arguments and back and forth, Harry had lost track of his train of thought that Malfoy would back out at some point as long as they kept pressing. In between specifying that the witches could not be threatened or bribed, it seemed Ron was no better. All at once he was looking down at the two names on the parchment and a sinking feeling came over him as they parted from their new rival.

"Come off it, Harry, you can do it," his friend said. _'He's known me for years. Of course he knows what I look like when I'm in over my head,'_ he thought to himself.

"Have either of us ever actually talked to a girl like that?" There was no answer. "Have either of us kissed a girl?" Another pause came to be. "Do either of us know how to-"

"Okay, it'll take some doing, and we'll probably need help, but that's why we're going to ask some of the older Gryffindors."

As little as he liked it, it was the best idea either of them had. The plan was to pose it like he had this girl he liked, and he needed to know how to talk to her. Once he knew how to do that, he needed to know how to get her in bed, and once he knew that, he needed to know how to follow through with it. It would not get his body count to go up quickly, but he was still pretty certain Malfoy would either chicken out or try to get around the rules somehow.

"Well, one thing's certain, we can't ask Hermione," he decided.

"Wait a minute, she's a girl..."

"Yeah, and she might hate us forever if we roped her into this stupid plan." Ron adopted a scolding posture.

"Honestly, Ronald, I simply can't believe that this far into the twentieth century, boys are such... such... boys," he said, mimicking her voice. There was a silence as they continued to walk back to the dorm.

"I have to admit I still don't know very much about the wizarding world. What do wizards who... er... get around a lot generally do?"

"Well, you're in luck, so far. A lot of them are Quidditch players. You've got some musicians here and there, then there are dark wizards-"

"What?"

"Uhh... it's not exactly... tasteful to bring it up, but yeah, some of them have a following." Ron had never had a problem in the past saying things that were not tasteful, and not for the first time, Harry was grateful.

"Do they use dark magic? Are there spells that can just make someone..."

"I don't know. I heard about that from Fred and George, so they might've been lying." He looked like he was thinking. "Asking them for help is a big risk. If they told the whole school, then we'd be laughingstocks and Malfoy would only have to get one."

"I don't think they'd do that," Harry said. "I mean, they've done some outright mean things before, but we saved Ginny from the Chamber of Secrets, and she's their sister too."

"Huh. They never really thanked us for that."

"Well, everyone else was. Besides, they don't want to be seen being nice to us, because people would expect them to be nice." He sighed a bit. "Besides, I really can't think of anyone else to ask. They're both Quidditch players, I already know them, they're a bit older... If Oliver Wood hadn't just graduated, we could maybe ask him, but he'd probably tell us something smart like how we need to be focusing on things apart from witches." _'Come to think of it, he told me that more than a few times,'_ he thought to himself.

"You're right. We need someone who doesn't take life that seriously. I just wish it didn't have to be my brothers."

They went to Gryffindor Tower, finding Hermione waiting for them.

"Where were you two?"

"There was a Prefect who pulled me aside and made me swear I wouldn't enter." Harry felt a bit bad about lying to his friend, but if he would not tell the whole truth, he had better at least come up with something consistent.

"You weren't seriously thinking of entering, were you-" She looked at Ron. "Either of you?"

"No."

"I was, but I don't think I'd manage it."

"Good. This year we have only one year before our Ordinary Wizarding Levels start, and our past adventures have left the three of us behind.

"The three of us?" Ron asked.

"Yes, what do you think I would have been studying in the library if I didn't have to look all over for books about Nicholas Flamel or the Chamber of Secrets?"

"I reckon you would've been studying for exams. Sorry for making your life interesting." Hermione only responded by rolling her eyes and the two of them found Fred and George.

"Can we have a word with you?" Harry asked, probably too politely. The twins were instantly suspicious. "I really need help with something."

"Our little Ronnikins needs help with it too? Might as well, I dare say."

"And whereto shall we abscond, Fred?"

"The others shouldn't be in the dormitory yet," Ron suggested. "I saw them with McGonagall."

It was agreed and they went up silently. Harry tried to stick to the script, but it had more holes than he realized. He had thought something simple would work best, but they had more questions than he could answer by making it up on the fly. When they were about to leave, Ron told them the truth.

"Oh. This is about getting one over on Malfoy."

"Yeah," he admitted. _'I guess I could try asking someone else'_ he thought to himself, though he had no idea who.

"Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

"Getting that ponce his comeuppance and making young men out of the two of you?"

"Couldn't ask for much more than that, George."

"You'll need more help than we can provide, though," George said, turning somewhat serious.

"Angelina... no, Alicia would be better."

"What? Are you going to ask them to... help us?" Harry could hardly think of anything more embarrassing. Both witches were at least two years his senior, and he knew they thought highly of him as a Seeker, but they also knew he was a gangly, awkward teenager and it would not be a minute before they figured out he had never so much as touched a girl before.

"Only advise, dear friend, only advise."

"We've been around, to be sure, but to help you with something like this would require us to be nice to you."

"I do believe we would not be able to resist the temptation to sabotage you, if only once."

"Well, it's great that you're going to introduce us," Harry decided, thinking they at least deserved some credit. He supposed Ron was right about his brothers not seeing themselves as helpful and trustworthy, but he had gone into it knowing he could pull a favor if he had to.

He did his best to get to sleep that night, once Neville, Dean, and Seamus appeared. It seemed doubtful that either of them had any experience; the school was split up for good reason. Lying awake, he tried to sort out some more practical details, like where he would actually carry out the act if it came down to that, and who his first choice would be. _'Maybe someone I know, but not someone I know that well...'_

In his dreams he was naked. It was not an uncommon theme, he supposed, but he found himself in this white, empty area that looked a little like King's Cross. He saw his mother and father in the distance, recognizing them instantly. They were also naked, but strangely the idea did not bother him. _'The last time they saw me, I was a baby,'_ he thought to himself, trying to steel his nerves.

"Harry?"

"Dad?" he answered. It was a strange word on his tongue.

"Harry, we cannot be here for long," his mother explained. "When we sacrificed ourselves, we left a memory in the protection magic we used."

"I don't understand."

"It's all right, son. We don't expect you to. We just thought about all the things we would miss as you were growing up. Your first real broom, your first day at school- we couldn't settle on any time to show up and tell you we loved you."

"It was a hard decision," his mother confirmed. "We decided, though, that we would time the spell just before you became a man."

"Bit earlier than we expected, from the looks of it," his father commented, clapping him on the shoulder. The green eyes that everyone recognized glared at him.

"It's important to be safe, Harry," she continued. "There are simple charms that will make it worry-free without ruining the experience. We don't want you to be saddled with any responsibilities like that before you are ready for them."

"It seems like you already know about..."

"I know about it. I know... where I came from and all that. There was something on television one time, and- I asked, and I guess Uncle Vernon didn't feel like hiding it, so he told me a few things and I figured the rest out myself."

"Were they awful to you?" James asked.

"They still are. I know you couldn't help... dying, but..."

"You wish my sister could have been nicer to you?" his mother asked. "It's not too much to ask, Harry. I suppose you could go live with Sirius. Do you know, Sirius, our old friend? He volunteered to be your godfather."

Harry hung his head for a moment. _'No, I don't need to tell my parents what happened,'_ he thought. _'They're just memories.'_

"I know him," he said. There was a pause. It seemed his father remembered their time was short.

"Son, what we really want you to know is that we love you, and we weren't all that different from you, once upon a time."

"I know. Everyone keeps telling me."

"It's more than that, Harry," his mother said. "We don't know what all has happened to you since we died, but when we were young, there was a war on, and it always seemed like life itself was ending."

"And yet, life goes on. Sixth year students were learning to apparate; teenagers were flirting and falling in love. Your mother and I were two of them. I wasn't always the upstanding gentleman you see before you."

"He was a prat. I loved him for it."

"Wait, that was what you wanted to tell me? I just need to be a prat?"

"No, dear, don't be a prat. If anything, please be aware that any advice you hear about girls may be poorly sourced or dishonest. I was one of the many young witches at Hogwarts who liked to see herself a certain way, and I agreed with them that the boys our age just needed to wait and be friendly, and we would select them if it was to be." Even as she said it she was smiling softly. ' _Did she not regret it? If she's saying she was wrong now, does she-'_

"I didn't know it at the time, but I just happened to be enough of a prat to get through all that," his father said. "I ignored the conventional advice and sought to prove myself. I acted like a right fool around her, and she told me straight."

"You never listened, though."

Harry started to feel like this was one of those conversations where the adults were just going to be talking for him. He decided to listen anyway, though, since they were his parents.

"I never did listen, and I never did take anyone's advice. I kept pursuing her, and in doing that I showed her that I cared about her, more than I cared about what she thought, or what her friends thought."

"That was why I took him," his mother explained. "Be true to yourself, Harry. There's nothing wrong with the fact that you were born to be a young man. Young women are just as hormonal and unsure of themselves as you are, and you don't have to change for them to like you."

"But I thought you said-"

"Well, I was a prat, son, but your mother liked me, even then. Part of changing was growing up, part of changing was just a sort of compromise to make things more livable between us. I don't know a man who wouldn't give up smoking if his wife didn't like it."

"For the record, I promised to do my best to understand him and admit I liked him. Everything is a two way street."

"Uhh... thanks." He felt like the advice would have been more helpful if he wanted a girlfriend, but he reminded himself that was still possible. Seeing his parents so happy together made it seem like something achievable. "I think I understand now."

"That's good. It's time for you to wake up."

Before he could say anything else, he was wide awake, jerking like he woke from a nightmare. Neville was staring at him from across the room.

"Hiya, Harry. I didn't see you much last night."

"Sorry, I was busy. Do you know anything about Alicia Spinnet's class schedule? I really need to know what she has last."

"Yeah, she gets out of Care of Magical creatures around four. Why?"

"It's a Quidditch thing."

"You don't have Quidditch this year."

"Do you know what a golden snidget is?"

"No."

"Best I don't tell you."

Harry left the dormitory and went to breakfast, finding he had woken early enough. Ron was giving it a few more minutes. _'I need to focus on getting one,'_ he thought to himself. _'If I just get one, then I can use the spell and show Malfoy. There's no way he'll have one before a few weeks- it'll be even better if he starts getting desperate.'_

After breakfast, he went to his first class, Charms, where he wrote down the incantation, _parvus mortem._ There was hardly a point in looking through his textbook if some older students invented it a few years ago, but there was no way he could ask Hermione for help.

"What do I do..." he muttered to himself, tapping his quill against the parchment.

"Mr. Potter?"

"Sir?" he asked, looking up.

"I asked, I believe, if you know what the human revealing spell does."

"Er, I think so, sir, it shows you where people are."

"More or less," Flitwick squeaked, seeming satisfied. "Should you choose to master this advanced charm early, I would caution against using it on the upper floors. Anyway-"

"Why is that, Professor?" Hermione asked, her hand up. Harry wondered if she had had it up the entire time.

"Well, Miss Granger, you may just find people in states they did not wish to be found." Her cheeks reddened a bit as Ron laughed, but he stopped quickly. The question of whether or not it was a silencing charm did not enter Harry's mind, however. He had other plans.


	2. How Witches Work

Donning his invisibility cloak between classes on the upper floors, Harry decided it would be simpler to try to listen for any noises people were making as he passed by the occasional empty classroom or broom closet. Deciding that they could be hiding themselves better, he shrugged and went on to his next class. _'I just have to learn that spell if I want to find people reliably,'_ he thought to himself. The fact that Flitwick had used it in the past and found students he suspected of having sex suggested that if they really were doing it, they did not know how to hide their presence from that specific detection charm.

When he got out of classes, he suggested to Ron that he look up the spell Malfoy mentioned, perhaps see if his older brothers knew anything.

"What was the incantation again?"

" _Parvus mortem._ No idea why. It won't be in the library, so at least you won't have to go there." Ron looked decidedly relieved.

Making his way out to the grounds, he found Alicia Spinnet on her way back from Care of Magical Creatures. It seemed the upper years were already dealing with more dangerous things than flobberworms. She nodded as she saw him and said something to her friends before walking off in the direction of the Quidditch Pitch. _'I guess that's a place she and I might go,'_ he thought.

"Fred and George tell me you don't know anything about girls." It was putting it bluntly, but he guessed that was true. The darker witch had a way of putting things bluntly most of the time.

"Yeah."

"Well, I owe them a favor for getting me out of detention once, so I would be okay with explaining a few things. Angelina, Katie, and I also consider you to be our most valuable player, and it would be bad for our reputation if you got caught with your trousers down." She took a breath. "We also kind of like you in the sense that you were only eleven when you started playing for us, and you never seem to let anything get to your head."

Harry took the note of praise in stride. It had been difficult enough for the poor girl to get around to the real reason she wanted to give him a hand.

"How do I tell if she's into me?" he asked. It was one of his most important questions.

"Long term? It's easy, she'll be making the effort to be around you all the time, she'll be nice to you, unless she's the type that likes to... strategically conceal her feelings."

"I see."

"If you want to know if a witch is interested in you in the short term, that's much harder." He started to wonder how much the twins had told her. "Even under normal circumstances girls usually like to let you make the offer, since they can't lose anything that way, but I have yet to meet a girl anywhere who would telegraph in any way that she is up for a night of fun with no strings attached."

"Er... that does sound hard," he agreed. It sounded basically impossible.

"The main reason for this is the vast majority of girls, though they enjoy having sex, could get it anywhere they wanted, and they know it." Harry guessed she was right about that. He realized a little while ago that he would be willing to have sex with almost any female student except Millicent Bulstrode. He doubted the rest of the male students were different in that regard. "So the downside, the fact that some guy has been inside of you and he _just might_ boast about that to the whole school, well, it outweighs the benefit."

"I guess that makes sense," he thought aloud. "That's why they like being in relationships first. It's not just because they really only want to go that far with someone they like."

"You're catching on. What do you normally think of a boy who's done it with a bunch of different girls?" Harry wanted to say that such a thing was in poor taste, but he felt like it would be better to be honest. As far as he could tell, Alicia had been honest with him, perhaps more so than she liked.

"I guess I'd think he was pretty cool," he said.

"Okay, and what would you normally think of a girl who's done it with a bunch of different boys?" He knew the answer, but it was harder to make himself say it.

"I wouldn't have a very high opinion of her."

"That doesn't sound fair, does it?"

"I guess it's not."

"Well, there's a reason people think that way, even if it is a little unfair. A wizard who's done it with a bunch of witches has done something that goes against society's mores, but it's still an achievement. You have to respect it. A witch doing the same thing hasn't achieved anything. If anything, it's a negative achievement, because life would be a lot easier for her that way, at least for a while. It goes the other way too, I suppose. Have you ever heard of a girl being mocked for being a virgin?"

"No."

"Yet you've heard of boys your age, and sometimes even younger, being mocked for being virgins."

"Well, yeah." He thought for a moment. "So wizards are supposed to have sex, but witches are supposed to..." he trailed off. It was not exactly connecting in his mind.

"You might be wondering who they're supposed to be taking to bed if the same society would say the witches aren't supposed to be going to bed with them." She sighed a little. "Again, it's not exactly fair in the sense that everyone can do exactly what they're supposed to do and it all works out perfectly. It's a selection process, after all."

"What?"

"Well, think of it like Quidditch. Your job is to get the Snitch, and the Snitch's job is to avoid you. The other Seeker's job is also getting the Snitch. You can't all three do your jobs at the same time."

"But... wait a minute, for that to work-"

"Most people don't seriously expect boys your age to be regular Casanovas. Really the only thing they expect is that you wouldn't be a virgin, or if you are, that you at least have a girlfriend and intend to marry her at some point. As long as the issue isn't your manhood, they can't really make fun of you. Is someone making fun of you for being a virgin?"

"Well, implicitly," he answered, avoiding the true meaning of the question. "I guess the expectations for me aren't the same as the expectations for most fourth year wizards."

"I suppose, since you are something of a celebrity. Most girls wouldn't really lose much in the way of status if they were to sleep with you. Do you have anyone in mind?"

Harry could tell she was trying to steer him down the wiser course of having a relationship with a girl he liked and sleeping with her, but he shook his head.

"I feel like if I had some more... general advice, maybe I could be more confident... whichever way I ended up going," he answered, still evasive. "I don't want to pick someone and then not know what to do next."

"I know you're not a coward, Harry. In first year you dove straight for the ground after the Snitch and then jumped after it. Frankly most girls would be a little less intimidated by you if you had a little more fear of failure." She shrugged after the little aside. "Anyway, what do you think would happen if there were some kind of general case cheat sheet for getting in a witch's robes?"

"I guess everyone would use it."

"As soon as it were discovered, yes. Every wizard, or every man, really, unless we kept the muggles in the dark, would have as much sex as he wanted with as many women as he wanted, and nothing else would ever happen. I suppose since you haven't done it before, you don't know, but there's not much wizards would rather be doing than having sex, on any given day at least; I'm not saying that's all you ever think about-"

"So you've done it, then?" he asked.

"I have, yes. I had a boyfriend on the Hufflepuff team, though I'd rather not make this about him or me. Suffice to say that things were working out for a time, but now they're not, so we split up. We ended it like adults." She produced a glass vial with some strange liquid, sighing deeply. "For his faults, he was a good lover. This is a memory of our first time."

"You're going to let me see-"

"Yes, Potter, under the condition that you don't let it go to your head, you focus on what he's doing, so you can learn, and you do not, under any circumstances, share it with anyone. Understood?"

"Yes. Better than ever, actually." He guessed that it was a little easier for her to part with such a memory than to sit there and vocalize for him exactly what he needed to do to a witch to make sure she had a good time, but in a way she was revealing even more of herself by giving him the memory. "As soon as I'm done with it, I'll give it back to you."

"You're such a gentleman, Harry," Alicia commented. "Anyway, another bit of advice before I go. Keep doing that thing where you act like everything you do is no big deal."

"I have so many more questions-"

"I know. The rest, you'll find out. Focus on talking to girls first, and you'll find out more about them as individuals. There's nothing I can tell you about that, since you're probably going after witches in your own year." It sounded like a wise thing to do. _'I'd feel bad about it if I went more than one year younger,'_ he decided.

"Thanks, Alicia. Whenever we have Quidditch again-"

"You'll catch the Snitch, I know."

It seemed like his cue to leave, so he left her, going back up to the castle. He guessed she must have some business down at the Pitch, but it was hard to imagine what, and none of his business besides. Reaching the castle, he met Dean Thomas of all people.

"Dean, what kind of things can we celebrate with a party? Preferably one with loads of drinking?"

"I like the way you think, Potter. It's a bit early for anything Tournament-related, but I guess we could celebrate Cedric getting chosen. You could propose an alliance, that might work."

"Right. Cedric. I should have thought of that; that's brilliant." He had met the young man already, but hardly knew anything about him. "How do I go about proposing an alliance? Just say we'll keep an ear out for information on the tasks?"

"I would think so," Dean said. "One factor is that Hufflepuff is pretty much guaranteed to lose the House Cup."

"Why?"

"Jealousy, mostly. I hope you wouldn't know anything about that." Harry refrained from comment. "The other three Houses, ours included, are going to try to find ways of snubbing the Hufflepuffs for denying them the chance to win the Triwizard Tournament. They only come along every so often."

"So they're going to act like Snape and Malfoy do all the time?"

"Get the Prefects involved. Extend an invitation to Cedric that you're going to celebrate him as the well-deserved champion. With a little luck, Ravenclaw might follow suit, and you could be invited to that one as well. I wouldn't hold my breath about Slytherin."

 _'Since when did Dean become such a clever manipulator?'_ he asked himself. _'Well, maybe I just never paid any attention.'_

"That's a great idea. I'll make sure you're invited."

"See that you do. By the way, I saw Trelawney come out of a strange room on the seventh floor; the damn door disappeared as soon as I walked up to it. If you can figure that one out, that might be a good place to throw it."

"Interesting." _'A room that secret should not be wasted on a party'_ , a cunning part of him thought. "I'll have to check it out, but I can't promise I'll get it open."

He walked to the seventh floor thinking about his next steps. Obviously, he had to be grateful for the help he had so far, because Dean and Alicia had been real windfalls, but he still had a ways to go before he got at least one girl, and that was his best real chance at beating Malfoy. He liked to think that the slimy git really didn't have a plan and just wanted him to chicken out of it, but the previous failures to prank him had probably made him think more carefully this time. _'He's going to have to be better about it if he wants it to go any better than when he tried to make me think there were dementors on the Quidditch Pitch,'_ he decided.

It was a stroke of luck amid a series of luck-strokes that no one seemed to be paying attention to him as he went up to the seventh floor, but he probably would have put on the Cloak otherwise. Thinking it best to come up with his next steps for after he worked out the room situation, so he could start on them if getting into the secret room proved impossible, he ran through a list in his mind as he paced down a corridor.

 _'I need a way to view memories. I really need a place to sleep with girls where I won't get caught-'_ In the middle of that thought, a door seemed to form itself out of the wall and he grabbed onto it with the reflexive skill of a Seeker. As he walked in, he could be quite certain the room was not part of the original design of Hogwarts; the floors were wood and there was a large bed with what looked like silk sheets in the middle of the room. Beside that, there was a mysterious bowl on a pedestal that seemed to be filled with the same odd liquid that comprised the memory currently in his possession.

"Well, while I'm at it, I might as well ask for Cho Chang tied up on the posts," he said, chuckling to himself a little before shaking his head.


	3. The Place

With a few hours left before he would have to return to Gryffindor Tower, he thought of how he could arrange the party and decided that he would have to let someone else handle it. Between everything else going on, he knew he needed an abundance of time, even if he would have more than normal, with Quidditch a non-issue for the remainder of the year. _'I still need to practice',_ he thought to himself. _'After everything she's done for me, I practically owe it to Alicia to be the best player in the world'._

Thinking of her, he decided to go ahead and give the memory a test drive. Dumping it into the strange bowl that seemed to be full of the same kind of liquid, the surface changed a little, and he leaned in to see what was going on. His glasses started to fall off and he ducked only a hair further to catch them, but felt himself being pulled into a memory. It was almost like Tom Riddle's diary in second year; he was there and not there at the same time.

He was in a bedroom, a girl's, from how tidy it was if nothing else. Realizing almost immediately it belonged to Alicia and had ever since she had been a little girl, he felt a wave of awkwardness over the fact that she was showing him something so personal. He would hardly want to show anyone the cupboard under the stairs, though he guessed there were other complications there.

 _'Oh, wait, that hardly matters. She's about to show me her first time,'_ he remembered, hanging his head a little as a boy and a girl came into the room. The guy's jacket was covered in snow, so he guessed they were off on Christmas holiday, and it was entirely possible that the Chaser had invited her boyfriend over on the cliché, but effective siren call of 'my parents are out'.

"Are you taking precautions?" Alicia asked the wizard, as though he would admit to the contrary. A devious smile indicated she knew as much.

"Applied the charms just before I left my neighborhood. Let me tell you, getting here by broom was quite the adventure."

"Well aren't you confident- and bold besides? You could have been in Gryffindor," she teased as he held her close, her hand laying lightly on his chest. She reciprocated as he pulled her into a deep kiss, putting a hand on her breast, which prompted her eyes to blink open.

"I think you'll see just how bold I can be."

There was no more need for words as the witch removed her jumper to grant him greater access to her body- by her own attestation it was her first time, but Harry could tell she was ready for it. They continued to kiss with her back to the bed as the wizard removed his own jacket. It was harder to say if it were his first time, but he guessed that was a good thing, since the unrecognizable expression on Alicia's face never turned to one of amusement, or at least not yet.

The boy who felt more and more like a voyeur and a child as he watched found himself respecting the wizard more as he kept his cool, even as the blood rushed to Harry's face. As his heart pounded more and he moved to get a better angle, the blood rushed to an entirely different part of his body. Without unlocking at the lips, the wizard opened the witch's shirt and moved his had down to her skirt. _'If I remember correctly, she's more of a jeans type...'_ he thought, trailing off. _'She knew this was coming.'_

When Alicia's boyfriend had removed her underthings amid her own clawing at his shirt, he redoubled his massaging on her body. To Harry, it looked like he was only doing it for his own benefit, but the expressions on the girl's face indicated that she was enjoying it, that she wanted it. That was, of course, until her open-mouthed face said that she wanted more. He could not look away as the wizard removed his trousers, or enough of them, and put his hand down on the body part he could not see clearly until he moved his face closer.

Though it took some amount of willpower to even watch, his interest allowed him to take a few mental notes on the movement of the fingers before their owner slowly penetrated, guiding himself in gently as the witch bit her lip and held onto him. Her entire body was tense for a moment until she allowed him to go in completely; they paused again like that. Harry found himself wondering how Alicia could breathe with a large body on top of her like that, but her lightly closed eyes seemed to say she was comfortable, at least more than she had been. She moved her hands down to his waist as if to indicate he could start moving, and start he did.

The boy had been under the impression that as an athletic girl, his teammate would be active at all times, but in this instance she seemed content to wrap her arms around her lover as he gently moved in and out. He felt even worse, as if there had been any doubt he was not watching something made to be seen by others, but a truly private, intimate moment. _'Is this why she selected this memory?'_ he could not help but wonder. _'I know they're not just having fun with it; this is because of their feelings for each other.'_

Not for the first time, he thought of how difficult it must have been to provide the memory to him for his benefit, and therefore how badly his friend wanted him to opt for the wiser, simpler path of the man in a relationship, of the eventual husband. He felt more like a child than ever thinking about how his only real reason for giving up such an opportunity was wanting to beat Draco Malfoy and Slytherin as well. Watching until the end, he surfaced from the memory container. He had seen Alicia have an orgasm, quite possibly her very first, and even though he suspected she was trying to manipulate him, he felt no shame at all over the fact that it was working.

As he trudged back to Gryffindor Tower, he ran into Ron on the stairs.

"Harry- I've been looking all over for you. Malfoy's already got one!"

"What?"

"I don't know for sure 'cause I can't cast the charm yet, but... he wouldn't just lie in front of me and Hermione."

"Hermione knows?!"

"No, she looked at me all weird and I said I didn't know what he meant- he wasn't all that specific." He allowed himself to catch his breath. "How are you coming along?"

"I... er-" Ron kicked the wall.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't expect you to already have one; I don't know any more about this than you- I _really_ didn't expect Malfoy to get one." Harry decided it would be easier to play along for the moment, since it was still possible their enemy was lying. _'Besides,'_ he thought _'Alicia doesn't want me to lose the House Cup, does she?'_

"Don't beat yourself up. I think I've got a place where I can... take care of it. It's on the seventh floor, though-"

"We'll get 'em on the way out of Divination."

"What?"

"We've got it right before the end of the day, and it's on the seventh floor. If we start with the witches who have it with us..." he trailed off.

"Er... I guess that's better than what I would have done. I was going to throw a party in the next few days and if there's a ton of alcohol-"

"Not that easy to get it in the castle; the twins've tried it. Might be willing to help us, but we'd have to tell them the House Cup is on the line, and that's really going to wind them up." The two of them thought in silence for a moment. "Who has Divination with us?"

"Not Hermione, luckily."

"Right. It'd be suspicious if she saw you leaving with a different witch on your arm every day. I know- you could try Parvati."

"I don't know anything about her, Ron- I've never even talked with her." That was not exactly correct; the two of them had exchanged words once or twice, but he hardly remembered any conversation taking place.

"Well, you're not trying to marry her." He seemed to think about it again. "Just flirt with her here and there and see if she reciprocates." His friend was making it sound simple, and he probably knew he was making it sound simple, but it was not.

"I don't know how to flirt with-" He sighed. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"I think I need to know more about this room."

"Okay... how about I show you?"


	4. Chapter 4

To say that Ron was amazed by the disappearing room was an understatement. He was positively thrilled.

"This is perfect, Harry-" He grabbed his friend by the shoulders and shook him. "Absolutely perfect!"

"I know... I was aware that I could... do things in secret here."

"It's not just that, though. It's the perfect excuse- think about it. You walk up to Parvati to ask her if she's ever seen the secret room. Of course she hasn't. Then you go here. Flirt with her on the way."

Sitting down on the end of the bed, Harry was starting to see it working. There was still a lot he was not sure he quite had the nerves to do, but at least he had some kind of plan.

"One condition," he said.

"What is it?"

"I need a way out. It may not sound very... Gryffindorish of me, but I'd feel a lot better going in if I had some way out. I don't think I can do this if my back is right against the wall and it's all or nothing... do you know what I'm saying?"

Ron nodded.

"Being honest, mate, I couldn't imagine doing what you're doing. I wasn't even dreaming of going this far with... any witch until... well, I don't know when." He seemed to think about it. "I think I know what to do about your escape route. If it'll make you feel better, you can have some Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder I got as a birthday gift from Fred and George."

"I've never heard of that."

"It's pretty simple, you just drop a tiny bit of it, and all of a sudden everything's dark. I'll be... in the room already to help you get out."

"I... I don't know what to say," Harry said.

"I can't ask any more of you than I'd ask of myself. It's the Weasley Wingmannery Way."

"What?"

"The twins told me about it. They might be lying, but... well, even if they are, I'll live up to it."

They had to get back to the dormitory, since it was getting late, so Harry decided to leave it at that. He would have to trust his friend, and he would have to trust himself. It would help his nerves, he knew, to have a backup plan, something to blame if things went wrong, but it was only making him more determined not to use it. The idea of literally running out on a girl, especially with his trousers around his ankles, was just unthinkable. _'It should be best if we get started soon. We can't let Malfoy get any further ahead,'_ he thought as he went to bed.

The next morning, he talked with Hermione at breakfast about classes. She simply could not believe he was still taking Divination. All in all, it was a relief she was talking about that and not his absences, since she had said she wanted to study with him. Ron came to sit with them, handing him a note by acting like it was nothing.

"What's that?" the witch asked, not looking up.

"It's a permission slip for Hogsmeade. Sirius Black said he can go, and McGonagall knows he's innocent, so I guess they'll let it slide."

"She asked you to hand it back to Harry when next you saw him?"

"Yeah. If I had to guess why, I reckon it's because she doesn't want to touch anything with his name on it. Probably shouldn't let anyone see it."

"Thanks, Ron. I'll toss it in the fire when I get back to the common room," he said, getting up and going to class. There, he knew he would make sure to sit far away from Hermione, or at least get his other friend between them. _'He really is turning out to be a wingman,'_ he observed.

In Potions it would have been too risky with Snape watching like a hawk, but in History of Magic he looked over the note. It was basically a primer on flirting, and it seemed pretty basic, though he could only wonder where Ron got the advice. It was not his own handwriting, to be sure, since that would have been barely legible. He decided to ask at lunch.

"Bill, well, he's always been decent to me," he admitted when the time came. Fortunately it seemed Hermione was talking to a teacher about something. "I sent him one of the school owls asking about how to flirt with witches. I figured there really wouldn't be any risk to it, since he doesn't live with us any longer."

"Won't he remember this, though? Next time he's over for a family reunion, he could really rib you over it." Harry said, blinking as if in disbelief. Really, he was impressed by how far his friend was going for him.

"Well, if he does, it'll probably be after the term is out, so at least he'll know why."

"I guess you'd better thank him, then. I don't know what I'd do without this."

In Divination, he knew it was the witching hour, assuming that turn of phrase meant it was time to get witches.

Looking around the room as Trelawney went on about some nonsense or other, he was grateful he and Ron had managed to get a table next to Parvati and Lavender. _'Well, here goes nothing,'_ he thought.

"Hey, Parvati. Are you dying this year?" he asked. She stared at her crystal ball for a moment.

"I can't say..." she started. Ron was snickering, so she probably saw a joke coming, but went along with it.

"Here's an easier one. Are you dying a virgin?" It was the moment of truth for him, but Parvati just reddened slightly and looked back with a faint smile, shaking her head a little. _'That's not a no,'_ he thought. _'Or is it that it's not a yes?'_ Sufficient time passed for her to respond, and he decided she would not, so he went ahead and invited her to the secret room. She seemed interested, saying that her sister had heard rumors about it.

Harry was tempted to react with surprise over the fact that she had a sister, but he guessed he barely knew anything about her, and that was the last thing he wanted to reveal. Instead, he switched to Divination nonsense. He and Ron could easily get by in the subject, but only because the teacher was a fraud; if asked to explain any of their predictions, they could only do so in the most cursory detail.

"Say, Harry, what did you get for next week's weather?" Lavender asked.

"Lightning," he answered.

"Dramatic," she commented, probably having something entirely different. "Should I assume it'll go on the whole week?"

"Why not?"

"Well, the weather indicator rune we're reading from the ball is a Sowilo, representing the sun. I suppose it is shaped like lightning, so it could be either, but I would hope that you have scholarship to defend your position." _'Damn, she's like Hermione when it comes to this. Well, she's like Hermione when it comes to anything else,'_ he thought, glancing over to Ron, but he had no idea. He was at a crossroads where he could either try to fake his way through it or just let them know how he felt about the subject.

"I figured lighting was more likely to kill me than a few sunny days," he decided. Parvati rolled her eyes, but the smile did not leave her lips.

When class let out, his friend went ahead as planned, and Lavender apparently wanted to talk with the teacher, which made for a good excuse to take Parvati's hand and lead her off in the direction of the room. She seemed like she was trying to figure out what to make of it all.

"I hadn't seen this side of you, Harry," she said.

"Well, there's a lot that you don't know," he responded. "You get to a point where you don't like the attention." It was a prepared response, of course, but he had to clarify that he could keep a secret. The whole operation hinged on it. "I don't boast about anything."

"I've noticed," she whispered as they got close to the door. "You seem to have the most reason to rest on your laurels out of anyone at this school, and yet you don't seem to even know you have them. Is there really a secret room?"

"Of course there is," he answered, barely remembering the pass phrase with everything else running through his mind. "Where else would I be taking you?"


	5. Point One

Parvati was impressed when she saw the secret room door open, but the bed with silk sheets left very little doubt in her mind that such an arrangement had been intentional. A negative voice that was trying to be positive told him that was something to remember for next time; that he needed to let girls work themselves up to the idea. At the same time, however, it seemed he need not have concerned himself. Parvati was looking over the magic bowl where he put the memory and he decided it would be better not to let her see it.

"What do you think of this place?" he asked. "I've never heard anyone talk about it before, even teachers."

"I guess it could be a decommissioned classroom," she ventured, but she shook her head looking back at the bed. "Somehow I doubt that, though. Either way, it seems like no one's ever been in here."

"Yeah," he said, looking around. "I was in here once earlier, I just bumped into it- that was how I-" He was explaining too much. What he needed was to shut himself up. Somehow, despite all his nerves and hesitation, he simply moved forward and kissed her. She was surprised, of course, but she was not pushing him away. In mere moments she was kissing him back. _'She must have been ready for this the whole time,'_ he thought. As he guided her to the side of the bed, it occurred to him that it was entirely possible girls found him attractive, but never said anything because there was no advantage in making the first move. As his confidence grew alongside his familiarity with the feel of the feminine form, his doubts that his life would be different going forward evaporated.

Parvati said something in a low voice he could not quite make out as he put her on the bed, crawling on top of her like some sort of predator. There were an infinite amount of excuses for her to get away; she could say she was not ready, she could say she was not feeling well, and if they were true he would have to let her go, for her own sake if not his own, but it seemed her lips were sealed. Forcing himself to act, he put a hand on her breast and her eyes fluttered open. For a horrible moment he thought he had made a mistake, but the witch's hand just ran through his already messy hair as he fought down the reaction.

As he got her shirt open, he realized an assumption he had was wrong. The last thing he wanted to do was push her too hard or too far, but it was not as if she would notify him with a document signed in triplicate every step of the way that what he was doing was okay with her. He could do his best to watch her reactions, as little as he knew what they meant, but he could reasonably expect her to object to anything she did not like. Getting her pants off from under her skirt, he tried to give the impression he had done it all before as her eyes widened.

About twice as hard as he previously thought possible, he buried himself inside her as soon as she started to squirm under his touch. He knew even giving himself a head start would require him to stay in for a few minutes at least, though he could not have said whether it was better or worse that the girl was probably a virgin, though being able to form a conscious thought would have helped. Parvati seemed to have lost her sense as much as he had, and started to unbutton his shirt, though he moved her hands so he could do it himself. If there was one thing he could actually remember at the moment, it was that if anyone needed a momentary distraction, it was the wizard; he needed the witch to focus on what she was feeling.

Never having been inside a girl before, he felt like he was close already, though he had no concept of time at the moment. He tried to think of how Ron said he would get there first, but he guessed his friend could have been held up somehow. Parvati's breathing was getting sharper, though he tried not to let it get to his head. He was terrified for a moment as she started to wrap her legs around him, but reconsidered. In all the time leading up to this, he had not even thought about magical contraception once, and right as he was kicking himself he heard- _felt_ the witch moan underneath him as some bizarre force within her body seemed to be pulling him in.

His only thought as he pulled out by the skin of his teeth was that she was using magic somehow, but there was no time for that. The room instantly went dark and he felt himself being pushed aside, barely managing to break his fall as he fell of the bed. _'What?'_ he asked no one. While his racing mind tried to think of some explanation for the darkness, he felt himself going soft, even as he heard sounds coming from the bed. Finding his wand, his hasty light charm failed, but he started to piece together what had happened.

Having kept a pinch of instant darkness powder in his cloak or something, it must have fallen to the floor and activated, and Ron took that as a signal to come out from under the bed and pick up where he left off. He guessed that made sense, as he knew his friend would express his fears and trepidations, but ultimately be brave when it counted. Considering the state of his own member, it could not have happened too soon. _'Best of luck, mate. I got her warmed up for you.'_

After what felt like several minutes of waiting in darkness, he heard another scream, and then a rustling.

"Harry? Did you get up again?" He walked to the side of the bed, noting the darkness was taking a while to dispel.

"Sorry, love. Felt it appropriate to pull out in a hurry."

"Why is it dark in here?"

"I couldn't say. This room's a real mystery to me; it could have some specified time every day where it shuts the light off. No idea why it would pick now for bedtime. Would you like me to walk you back to the common room?"

"Not without my clothes," she muttered, probably somewhat bothered at leaving the room earlier than expected. If she wanted to keep it quiet, however, it would not be good to disappear for too long. As soon as they were both dressed again, they stepped out into the hallway, where, as expected, it was light.

"Looks like it really is just the room. Merlin." They started to walk back.

"I may not have any... reference material, but for the record, you were pretty good back there. I would have liked to have a regular lie-in after, but I was completely satisfied."

"Two's enough for you then?" he asked rhetorically.

"I know it's more than most witches get their first time. You should probably learn some contraceptive charms." He nodded. While learning those, he would have to see if there was something to keep him hard.

They eventually reached the common room, where he allowed her to go through the portrait hole first, because he heard Ron catching up with them. _'Well, there's no reason she would think he had come from the same place,'_ he thought to himself, if a moment too late. His friend exuded excitement and he had to reciprocate, meeting his high five quietly.

"Shhh... we have to go in quietly. Remember, we can't tell anyone what we did."

"I remember," Ron muttered as the two of them opened the portrait again. He was not sure, but he might have caught the Fat Lady rolling her eyes. "What's on the Potions test, then? Did you ask Snape?"

"No, why would I ask him?" Harry asked, picking up on the game as they went up to the dorm. Mercifully, it was unoccupied, and they decided without much discussion they could get their work done while talking, but they would have to shut up if someone came in.

No words passed as he got through the bulk of it, deciding he could leave some of it for between classes. As much as it reminded him of Hermione, a trip to the library was in order.

"That was pretty wicked," Ron said at length. "It feels weird to talk about it, though."

"Yeah. If you're going to learn that spell for revealing my total, I'm going to have to learn a contraceptive charm. It shouldn't be too hard." It was his understanding that a lot of the upper years knew it already. "That was really stupid of us to go in without that, especially the first time."

"Well, we don't have Hermione with us, so we were bound to do something stupid sooner or later," his friend excused. "Anyway, we can't rest on our Hippogryff feathers. What's the next one?"

"Well, I've got half of an idea."


	6. The Switcheroo Part Two

Ron thought he could not be serious. Well, it was a valid criticism, but something had to be done, as they both agreed. Having talked to the twins about where to look in the library, they found the spells they needed and set about mastering them, though it seemed unlikely they could have both ready in time.

"I told Malfoy you already had one and you had a lead on a second. It shocked him a bit, but he said you'd still never win at that rate. At least he hasn't learned this stupid charm yet, so he can't go around proving it."

"He probably doesn't want to boast about it either, as much as it pains him," Harry said. "If every witch in the school knew who'd been in bed with him, it'd be over just like that." Their eyes met.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"This spell is bollocks?"

"No, we need a mole in his operation."

"What?"

"Think about it- we get someone close to him- someone who can figure out who he did- then we tell everyone... indirectly. We'd make people think he told his friends."

Harry had to admit the idea had some merit. If his friend's intuition was right, their rival had not backed out like they had been hoping he would. It had not occurred him to sabotage the competition, but he knew Malfoy would be up to the same kind of tricks, and all they could do if they wanted to win was beat him to it. To make matters better, it would be easy to tell Crabbe and Goyle and make them think they came up with it themselves. There was only one concern.

"Is cheating like that part of the agreement we made at the beginning?" he asked. "There were loads of terms to it."

"Of course not! He had to leave the door open so he could do it himself. Besides, all you have to do is get one ahead of him, and then there's no way he can win."

It was a little refreshing to see that as exciting as things were, Ron was as willing as he was to wash his hands of the whole thing. He was actually comfortable with the amount of friends and acquaintances he had, and he did not want to make every school-related relationship going forward confusing by having slept with ten percent of the student body.

"Well, how do we get someone close to him? Don't say polyjuice- the rules said we weren't supposed to use it to win, not just to use it to sleep with witches."

"It'll have to be a girl who might interest him," his friend said after thinking a bit. "I know this one pureblood and well, he might not exactly like her, but it'll be easy to let him think he's putting the moves on her, and he's not going to turn down a free point. She's in Ravenclaw, so he might not suspect she's a mole."

"What if he just lies and tells her he slept with some other girl?"

"That'll be even worse. He'll look like he's lying about being a virgin, and then he'll have to say who it really was to recover his standing-"

"Right, I get it. Who is this, anyway?"

"I think you'll have to meet her in person."

That was all that was said on the subject until the next Divination class. Harry had not mastered the charm that would keep him stiff, because it was dealing with a relatively complex biological system and he knew that if he tried and failed, his cock might well explode. There were magical ways of fixing even those sorts of things, but he would not be looking forward to explaining that to Madam Pomfrey.

Going after Lavender was quite possibly too safe a bet, but his theory was that if her friend had already done it, she might be a free point, but even as he flirted in her, she seemed more interested in Ron. Leaning into his friend's teacup, he whispered that he would 'get the room ready'. It was actually a bit refreshing not to be the one under the microscope, and he learned a bit about supporting his friend by setting him up for jokes.

Leaving class a second early by predicting his own demise, he went to the room at a reasonable clip. He expected Ron would be leading Lavender at a more leisurely pace, but it paid to be prepared. Shoving himself under the bed, he remembered he had an invisibility cloak and kicked himself for not offering it to Ron the last time. He stood by the memory bowl right as Ron got to the door with his date. He could not help but notice that his friend was a bit rougher around the edges, but it seemed the girl was really into him. _'How long has she wanted to suck down a freckled dobber?'_ he asked himself, refraining from chuckling.

It felt like things were progressing slowly at first, but then they were kissing and divesting each other of their clothes. Kicking himself harder than last time, he realized why Ron had preferred to wait under the bed; watching his friend like this was torture. They were nearly naked as they got on the bed and started playing with each other, and he regretted not letting his friend see the memory, but he had done well enough with Parvati, so Harry remained optimistic. _'This is just this time, anyway,'_ he thought. _'I never really thought I'd need to show him how to... well, fuck.'_

Fortunately he seemed to be doing a good enough job, whenever the wizard who increasingly felt like a voyeur of the worst kind could bring himself to look. It occurred to him that it was unlikely Ron had the same issue with losing hardness, but as a boy who lost his virginity the day prior, he probably would not be the best at keeping it together. As soon as he heard Lavender go through an audible orgasm, Ron turned her over and he knew what to do. Holding her head directly forward as he passed the cloak off, he mounted her in an instant, picking up right where she had been left off. The excitement of it all was getting to him, he knew, but he managed to keep a level head for an indeterminate time period both agonizing and blissful.

The witch's body seized with delight as she felt herself going over the edge again. Taking it as his cue to withdraw, he took the cloak back and threw it over himself. Ron was already right next to her right as she looked.

"So forceful... wait, how did you get over here?" she asked, glancing back. "Never mind, I don't care," she said before taking him in her mouth. Fortunately or otherwise, he went off in a matter of seconds, though Lavender was none too disappointed. She stretched out on her back for a moment before apparently remembering she had something due in short order and would need to be back to the dormitory.

Harry tried not to listen to their conversation as they walked together, but he picked out a promise that not a word of what had just happened would get out. All else he gathered was that she thought he had been absolutely wonderful, even though she could tell he was new to it all. There was no indication Parvati had said anything about what had happened the previous night.

Really, it would not be a disaster if the girls themselves were to report on his actions, he guessed, but it was better for him to be the rumored seducer as opposed to the confirmed seducer, as little as he had intended to pick up either title. If it generally got around that he had slept with a number of classmates, and then had to do something to lose the House Cup for everyone, he could not begin to imagine whether it would make things better or worse if he revealed why he had to lose all those points. _'Best not let it get to that point,'_ he thought to himself.

There was no official rule against telling anyone that it was a competition, but his chances were not good if he asked girls to sleep with him so that Gryffindor would win the House Cup.

As expected, Ron met with him right outside the portrait hole.

"That was wicked, mate," he said, high-fiving his friend again.

"You're telling me? Thank Merlin you switched in when you did; I was about to explode."

"Huh. Yeah, that was kind of what I thought. Where'd you learn how to..."

"I might have had an idea of what you were doing the first time. I didn't want to watch or anything-"

"Believe me, I know. I wish I hadn't thought of the trick with the cloak."

They were silent for a moment before simultaneously deciding they needed to go in, do their work, and get to bed.

"Don't be too surprised if witches start looking at us," Ron admonished once they were in their dormitory.

"What?"

"Ginny says they basically talk about everything. Hermione's not invited to some of their discussions, but apparently every time someone does something, they know about it. It's not everyone, but everyone knows someone, and that's usually enough."

"Girls have never said anything like that to me," Harry said, more confused than in disbelief.

"Don't want you to know they're thinking about it. Comes off as flirting, I think. I mean, what would you think it means if Daphne Greengrass told you she heard two students going at it in a broom closet?"

"I guess it would at least mean she was listening well enough to know." He had not personally exchanged more than a few words with the witch, who had been next to him in double potions once, when Snape thought it would be funny or something to pair them up. If he remembered correctly, he had done something to cock it up, but she had not been too upset about it. Really, it seemed as if she did not care at all, either about the potion or about him.

"Best to wrap it up and get some sleep," Ron said with a dedication to schoolwork that neither of them had ever seen. _'Hermione would almost be proud of us,'_ he thought to himself. _'Almost.'_

By breakfast the following morning, he had not settled on a new witch to pursue, allowing himself to hope it would be unnecessary. He had a thought that Malfoy might have had one witch agree to it, but then not have everyone else on the hook. _'He might have done it with Millicent Bulstrode. She probably has really low standards.'_

"Harry," a familiar voice said from behind him.

"Ron," he said, turning around. Next to him, there was a blonde witch with Ravenclaw robes. She might have been their age or a year younger; he really could not have said. What he noticed was her dazed expression. "Is she quite all right?"

"This is Luna Lovegood. Her family doesn't live too far from mine, so we kind of grew up together."

He noticed there was no answer for whether or not the witch was quite all right.

"Have you agreed to help us, then?" he asked. "I really haven't thought about what we could offer you, or really what you might want." The terms of the competition stated that they could not pay witches to sleep with them, but he guessed he could offer her some gold to get close to Malfoy.

"That's no trouble. I already have what I want," she announced, holding what looked like a used condom.


	7. Expanding

After confirming that Luna indeed knew what she was swinging around (Ron had not) they basically explained the plan and decided it was best to leave her to it, perhaps because neither of them wanted to know why she wanted the prophylactic, or because they did not want to know what she intended to do with Malfoy. Ron had the contract memorized and was quite certain that it was in no way against the rules, as he repeated for the third time that morning.

"Either way, Harry, we should get a move on. There's no telling what he might do to us if we don't do it to him first." There was something distinctly unfair about that, but he let it pass. He highly doubted their rival was above cheating in some way he had not specifically disallowed, and he had already thought of two or three methods, including bribing a witch before the contract was even signed. If it seemed unreasonable a normal girl would just let him have her for some amount of gold, she would likely not suffer a terrible hit to her reputation even if people knew about it, as long as they did not know about the exchange.

Ron asked him if he had ever heard of an Unbreakable Vow during Charms.

"A what?"

"Take it you haven't then. I don't blame you."

"Are you... trying to get back at me for knowing what a-"

"No, this has nothing to do with that. I don't expect you to know what magic things are and I don't expect myself to know what muggle things are. I can't quite imagine how many things Dad has dragged into the house and misidentified," he said, shaking a little.

"What's an Unbreakable Vow?"

"It's dark magic. Most people would have difficulty with it. Fred and George tried to get me to make one not long after they got their wands. Apparently it's terrible if you go against it."

"Okay, so you think Malfoy might be using that?"

"He might have used it on a few ahead of time and figured we'd give up." Ron's lips pouted slightly. "Much as I want to beat him, if he's doing that sort of thing, we'll have to... I don't know."

"Yeah. I don't know either." Most of what he had done so far amounted to childish pranks that were hardly even dangerous, but after the Death Eaters attacking the Quidditch World Cup, he might have been emboldened to take greater risks. They were almost certain his father had been one of the wizards in masks, and it was easy enough to justify following in his example.

"Well, this is just something I think he might do," Ron decided. "I wouldn't be surprised at all, but we can't do anything. We don't have any evidence yet."

In his head Harry had already ruled out telling a teacher, or Hermione, which was basically the same thing.

By the end of the day they had settled on another witch from Divination, this time a Hufflepuff named Hannah Abbott, who was panicky and only good at Herbology. It was one of the rare times the Gryffindors were having double classes with the Hufflepuffs, so he figured he would not lose much if he cocked it up. Parvati and Lavender were both eyeing him surreptitiously as he made his way over. It seemed she was having trouble keeping up with the material. Her friend, Susan Bones was the obvious choice, with the larger rack, but that was the play. Ron said it would make her exceedingly jealous, and he went along with it because his friends had been right about most things so far. _'Well, either he's right or it's his oldest brother,'_ he reminded himself.

"Oh, Harry, do you know what this means?" she asked. It was telling, perhaps, that she directed her question to a student of no particular renown as opposed to the teacher, but he had other things on his mind.

"I'm pretty sure it's an prediction of what you're doing this evening," he whispered.

"But if it's still wet, isn't it supposed to be the distant future?" she asked, flipping through the text rapidly. In fairness, he was reasonably certain the book contradicted itself, though that was probably why Trelawney used it, assuming she noticed.

"Really? If something's wet, that's not going to be long off," he said, resting a foot on the side of her chair. "You see, there's a secret room in this castle, and that's where you're going after class." The teacher looked over, but he pointed out something in the other cup that indicated his own demise and she turned away almost immediately.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah. It's foretold. Nothing to be done about it."

"I might as well ask what this secret room is," Susan prompted from across the little round table.

"Oh, not many people know about it. Ron and I found it just a few days ago, but when we left, it was like it was never there. You open it with a thought and close it just like that."

"That's where I'm going?" Hannah asked, a strange sense of calm visibly passing over her. "That's fine, actually, that sounds nice."

There was only a confused look from Susan as he went back to their table, finding Ron was already gone. _'Well, it's just five minutes left in class,'_ he thought to himself. _'Not that we really needed the rest of it.'_

When class actually ended, he promptly escorted the weirdly placid witch out, distracting her friend by saying Zacharias Smith was looking at her massive rack. He did not exchange another word with Hannah until they were alone in the hallway. He commented on how she seemed less than excited, looking over his shoulder briefly.

"Oh, I'm excited," she said. "I can't wait to find out what's been determined. All my life it's been so open ended. I'm only good at Herbology, did you know?"

He responded by making a surprised face.

As she went on about her life story, it was starting to feel like he was taking advantage of her, but as long as she was fine with what they ended up doing, he guessed he would be fine with it as well. When they entered the room, he realized he did not see Ron anywhere, and he did not have his cloak. It made him feel weird that his friend had coopted the idea, but he could always hope he would turn the other way.

Hannah was unimpressed by the contents of the room, but it seemed to please her that it was perfectly secluded, perfectly unknown by the rest of the castle. She jumped on the bed, happy like a child. _'Is her whole personality being easily flustered? What does she do now that she feels calm?'_ he wondered, looking on with a half-smile.

"Do you think we made your friend jealous?"

"No." Harry made a face. "She only looked that way. Can you keep a secret?"

"Ask Lavender."

"She's a lesbian."

"Lavender?"

"No, Susan. She was only acting jealous." Somehow he had not noticed the relative lack of homosexual students at Hogwarts. He had barely even heard of what exactly a homosexual was, though, so he guessed it was just uncommon.

"Why doesn't she tell people? No one's said anything, have they?"

"No, she's just, well, this is just what I think, don't take it the wrong way- and definitely don't tell anyone- I think she's just getting used to being different."

"Huh." He thought about it, and he was pretty sure teenage girls just usually had problems with being different, and it was much easier to act normal than to embrace it, at least in the short term. "I'll bet you're not, though."

"N-no." She sat up on the bed, suddenly uncertain.

"There's nothing wrong with being normal."

"I suppose there isn't."

"What would you say if your friend found a girlfriend?" he asked, moving a bit closer. He felt a confidence that had been bolstered, and yet tempered by the previous consecutive successes.

"I... wouldn't say anything. She wouldn't want me to talk about it."

"I think you can trust her as much as she can trust you," he said, putting his arms on either side of her.

"...ulp... is this happening?" she asked.

"It's foretold," he whispered, kissing her. She seemed to melt under his touch as he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. He had not expected it to be as easy as it had been, but perhaps confidence was what he had been missing the entire time. There was no reason he needed to overhaul everything about who he basically was, but a somewhat more assured version of himself could hardly hurt. _'Maybe I found what works with her,'_ he thought _'She likes a light touch'._

There was no resistance as he leaned into her against the bed, letting go of her hands and allowing them to explore a little. Something about the way she was touching him made him think she had never touched a young man before, which made him wonder about her expectations for a moment. The kiss was the gentlest of the three or four he had in his life so far; it was almost a surprise when the witch put her hands on his shoulders and moved her hips closer to his own, to where they were just barely touching. He found himself enjoying the game, as different as it was to him, but his patience could only keep up with his excitement for so long. Removing his own shirt, he did not pause for the slight gasp he heard as he removed hers, their cloaks almost forgotten on the floor.

 _'If Ron wants to watch so badly,'_ he thought, removing his trousers. _'-he might as well see why I found it uncomfortable._

All of their clothes were off in moments, and it was easy to oblige Hannah's desire to be under the covers. The light touching continued, if in a more sexual nature. Harry ran his fingers lightly over her chest as her breathing grew heavier. Reaching down, he felt her own hand do the same, her fingertips dancing over his hard shaft. Their lips met again as their lower halves moved together, perhaps by magic his cock found its way in. Slowly he completed the process, allowing her to adjust to the novel sensation. She nodded almost imperceptibly as he repeated the motion. A slight inward gasp was all he needed to continue.

Gentle sex was easy, it was relaxing rather than proper exercise, though he hoped the witch would enjoy it enough before his hardness was at an end. Some idea was forming in his head about needing enough repetitions to make her go off, that perhaps he could get it to happen sooner if he were to let loose, but simultaneously he would be wearing himself out and making himself more likely to go off. _'Better play it safe this time,_ ' he decided, the delicious sounds trying to distract him. _'She likes it more this way- has to be a good sign.'_

Hannah's breathing changed after what felt like an age in terms of keeping focused on all the moving parts and he had to remind himself not to speed up. He had not done so with the last two, and they probably unknowingly agreed he had been a good lover, at least by their estimates. Feeling her body quiver, he was surprised at the lack of sound, but he guessed witches were different like that. Deciding to pull out in case he softened, he was surprised by a kiss.

"That felt great, Harry," she said as soon as she could form words.

"You don't seem the least bit indecisive about that."

"I'm not," she said, hugging him a little. _'Is this experience going to change her? Am I responsible for-'_ "Wait-" she started, interrupting his thoughts. "What should I do, stay here or study for Potions?"

"I've never been a fan of Snape. I don't think he's like most teachers, though- it wouldn't annoy him if you failed a surprise test. Come to think of it, he'd probably be- something that passes for thrilled if he got to mark you down enough."

"That's terrible! Does he have something against Hufflepuffs in addition to Gryffindors?"

Harry stared straight up as he relived a series of memories.

In double potions first year, Hannah could not decide whether to add aconite or wolfsbane because the text said she could use either one. Snape haughtily told her that they were the same plant, and that she was a dunderhead whose potion was now boiling over. She received her first 'D'.

In double potions second year, Hannah argued the instructions were unclear because they said she should mince the mandrake roots with gloves on, and none of the roots were wearing gloves. Snape shouted at her that she was meant to be wearing the gloves and that she was a buffoon who must have gotten lost on her way out of the womb. She received her first 'P'.

In double potions third year, Hannah had rushed to a certain step and scanned the room as if watching everyone else. Basically, she had been asked to squeeze the eye of newt in the cauldron and had to see if she were meant to find eye of newt in the cauldron, unable to remember putting any in there, or get into the cauldron and squeeze it there. When Snape was done shouting at her for rushing, he breathlessly wheezed that only the ingredients were meant to go into the cauldron, where they were meant to be squeezed magically. She received her first 'T'.

In double potions the previous week, Hannah could not quite decide where to cut the palm front, which the instructions said to cut in two places. Snape, bored, droned that it was simple as it could possibly be; she need only cut it twice. Angrily, she responded that she knew that, but where- the potions classroom and where else? The Astronomy Tower? The Third Floor Corridor? There were so many places- Snape left the room. Harry learned from Hagrid that roughly twenty minutes later, the same teacher appeared with a serious expression and requested to speak with him in private. He told the students to mind their flobberworms and agreed, interested to see what could possibly make Snape address him for the first time. Apparently, he still had his reservations, but he did not know who else to ask if there was any way of telling whether trolls could mimic a human appearance.

"Yeah, you might be right about Snape not liking Hufflepuffs," Harry said. "I saw him being mean to Macmillan one time."


	8. Double Header

When Harry surfaced from the room, Ron had still not appeared. He could only conclude that his friend had not followed him there, but then he had no idea where Ron had gone when he disappeared from Divination. _'Maybe he was there in the beginning, but then left,'_ he thought to himself. ' _I sort of did strip absolutely starkers in there.'_

Deciding that it was probably better to apologize for escalating on something that had been his fault in the first place, since when Ron was with Lavender, he had probably thought Harry was under the bed, he looked around for the familiar red-headed wizard, but the only place he could really think to look was the common room, and it was not long before he was revealed to not be there. His brothers had not seen him. _'Well, there's nothing I can do now. I just have to wait for morning to see if he's at breakfast,'_ he thought.

It was not like his friend to disappear when upset; he lived in a house where disappearing was impossible. Harry reminded himself he was still just assuming that Ron had come into the room at all, but somehow it seemed like he knew more about the situation if he looked at it from that angle. He went to sleep eventually, his dreams disturbing him, but not sticking around when he woke. _'Well, that's any other Tuesday for me, isn't it?'_ he observed, wondering what day it actually was.

Finding that it was a Saturday, he thought his new schedule must have thrown off his sense of time. Going out to the grounds, he found Ron reading with Hermione under a tree, something he had never thought he would witness. He went down to see what was the matter, if for no other reason.

"Hi, Ron, Hermione," he said, sitting down with them. "What brings us all out here?"

"Well, Ron seems to have finally taken an interest in m- in my interest, my primary interest, studying. I thought it would be a nice compromise not to waste the sunny day in the library."

"I said it was stuffy." Harry waited for the witch to say 'how would you know, when you've hardly been in there', but it never came. "She said she'd show me a couple interesting spells."

"I explained that in order to cast spells, you have to understand the theory behind them. I can only imagine why you're so interested in... human transfiguration, of all things, but for that you need to expand your knowledge base a little, and being able to cast certain spells serves as a good indicator of progress."

He decided to go along with it, figuring Ron would reveal what his intention had been later. Hermione was right about how he had been neglecting his education thus far, as he discovered the more he read. After an hour of just sitting and going over what was being presented as a basic concept, he was beginning to grasp how little he knew, and there he was having a cock-comparing contest with Draco Malfoy. _'Voldemort- wherever he is- doesn't care if we win the House Cup,'_ he thought to himself. All the same, it was better to win than to lose, and if everything went according to plan, they were close to that indeed.

"Oh, Harry?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I heard... well, it was a bit of an unsavory rumor." He prepared for the worst. "I don't really think it's true- well, obviously, I know it's not true, since it's partially about me, but it's also about you, to an extent."

"Hermione, did someone ask you whether or not you and I-"

"It was Daphne Greengrass. I've always thought she was a good example of not all Slytherins being bad, but, well, she has her own interests, so I ever held her up as an example. Anyway, we study in the library across from each other sometimes, and I suppose there is a casual respect there. She told me that she could not say who told her, but that you had, well..."

"I'll bet it was Malfoy," he said, acting like he was only going with his gut, when really he could be reasonably certain. "It's another one of his pranks." His fist clenched a little. _'That bastard,'_ he thought ' _Well, two can play at that game.'_

"You don't-" she looked over at Ron for a second, who was staring at a specific section of the text. "You don't see me that way, though, do you?"

"I've always seen you as a friend, Hermione."

"Thank you. That makes things so much simpler." She rolled her eyes. "Well, things were properly _simple_ when we were eleven and you probably thought I was gross and I thought you two were stupid-"

"You thought we were stupid?" Ron asked.

"Well, let me rephrase that. I thought I was the smartest little girl who ever lived and that was all that mattered. That year, I learned that I might be a smart eleven year old, but I was still an eleven year old, and really not that much smarter than any other." It looked like that was already enough personal information all at once for her, so neither wizard pressed the matter.

"You're still really smart," Harry said after a moment. "You're really understanding all of this?" he asked. "As far as I know, I barely know anything."

"I suppose that in a sense, some of the most basic theories of magic are actually some of the most difficult to grasp. It's like general relativity, which is often considered the central theory of physics-" If it had been possible for Ron to stare at her more blankly than he did, Harry was sure he would have. "Just read it; you'll understand. I have a meeting with a teacher." She walked off.

The two of them stayed like that for at least a minute after she was completely gone. It was pointless to listen out for the castle's doors, massive though they were. There was, however, a point to listening for Ron to give it up, and he did.

"Merlin, Harry, I don't think I can take much more of this," he said, shaking his head.

"What really happened out here?"

"Well, it was mostly like she said, but it wasn't my idea to do all this reading."

"I figured that much. Will it really help us with the spells we're trying to learn?"

"I dunno, mate, but isn't that what the upper years do? Read books? Isn't that part of learning tricky spells?" He sighed. "Let's at least take a break; I can't absorb all this at once."

"Right. Where were you yesterday after Divination?"

"Sorry about that, mate, there was a note on the table, and it was asking me to leave early." Harry presumed the handwriting was sufficient to give his friend an accurate estimate of the number of x chromosomes of the sender.

"Where did you end up going?"

"Broom closet. Don't have a clue who it was, mate. I reckon it was Lavender, or maybe one of the Patil girls, but she felt... different." Harry nodded. Having been inside three witches himself, he could confirm that they felt different on the inside. "She didn't say more than a few words and I never got her name."

"Do you still have the note?"

"It burned up just after I read it. Sorry, mate, I would have been there for you with Hannah, but I couldn't pass it up."

"I don't blame you," Harry decided. "For a minute I thought you'd just run off, and it was because of something I did. What did the note say?" His curiosity outweighed his other mixed feelings, which evaporated soon after he felt them.

"Well, it just said that she knew what I was doing and she could help me."

"That could have been a trap by Malfoy-"

"Yeah, but it's no loss if I fall in, is it? He didn't even challenge me." Ron had a point. He did not want to put his friend down at all, but realistically way more witches would be interested in sleeping with the Boy Who Lived, as much as he resented his unfair claim to fame. "I couldn't say what kind of charm she cast, but I managed to stay in her a lot longer."

"That's good. Maybe the same spell would work on me." It had somehow become a lot less awkward to discuss such things. "It must have been someone in our year, in either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff."

"Do you think it could have been Susan?"

"Not likely," Harry said. "It's really better we cross her off the list."

"Well, I don't know everyone."

"I don't either," he said, deflating a little. While he knew he was famous, and everyone knew about him, very few people knew him, and he knew very few other people. It was mostly because he liked his friends and never had a problem with having just the two of them, but it was surprisingly rare for people to walk up and introduce themselves, except people like Colin Creevey, with whom he had no particular desire to associate.

Eventually, they decided they would have to choose a new target. Apparently they had not managed to get anything specific out of Luna yet, but she had been asked to come back if she found anything interesting, so it made sense to assume Malfoy was continuing along. _'We need someone from Ravenclaw. If we expand the amount of witches we know, we should have a better chance of finding more,'_ he thought to himself.

"Do you know anyone in Ravenclaw apart from Luna?" he found himself asking as they walked through the corridor. "I mean, there's Cho Chang, but- I don't think I could just walk up to her. That's what it is, we need to at least have some connection."

"There's Padma."

"Who?"

"Parvati's sister is in Ravenclaw. I saw the two of them together once, and I couldn't tell them apart except for the colors."

"There's a start. Do you think Parvati would introduce us?"

"Oh, that'd be a laugh. 'Do you think you could point us in the direction of your sister so we could put her over a bed and-'"

"I get it, I get it. I've just never met her before. Have you?"

"It was a while ago. I think she wanted to see if my brothers had the same quicks as the two of them. Wait a tick, would they really be introducing us, or just you?" Ron asked. "Don't they think you're the only one who-well, Lavender doesn't. I sure hope she's not comparing notes with her friend."

Harry groaned. They really had tried to think of everything, but they had their limits. Sooner or later, and probably sooner, Parvati and Lavender would realize they had the same trick pulled on them. He really had no idea how they would react, but felt like he had to assume they would be upset. It was better to hurry up and get around to Padma before they informed her of what had happened, if there was any chance of that.

Finding the sisters at lunch, the hope was that they could get the two of them to separate, but apparently whenever they had the opportunity, they liked sticking to each other. Eventually it was decided that Ron would lead Parvati off, and Harry would move in on her sister. He knew not exactly how he would play it, but the whole thing about the secret room had always worked so far.

"Hi, Padma," he said, sitting down across from her. "I heard you had a question about the secret room I discovered?"

"From Parvati?" she asked. _'Well, that might be a trap,'_ he thought.

"She might've told other people; I don't know. Did she tell you about it?"

"Why don't you show me?" she asked, getting up. He started going over some basic things that he knew about the place on the way, finding that it was a bit easier than he expected to talk to her. Unable to remember what he expected, he was pleasantly surprised. He found her clever, at least as much as Hermione, but she was not talking down to him at all. When they arrived at the room, it almost felt like too soon.

"Here it is; don't ask me how it opens right as I walk up to it." Ron had thought it was probably better not to reveal that, since if the rumor spread that it could be anything apart from a love nest, other people would start using it for their own purposes, though really they were skating on thin ice already. "Do you know what that thing is?" he asked, pointing at the odd memory bowl.

"That's a Pensieve. They're incredibly rare, but they can be used to view memories. I've never used one before."

"Never? Well, there's a first time for everything." _'Sorry, Alicia. I'll have to learn how to modify people's memories, like Mr. Weasley.'_ He showed her how to put her head in the bowl next to him, though there was properly only enough space for one. They went into the memory together, and Harry tried to act like he had not seen it already.

"Are they- that's one of yours, right? She's a Gryffindor-" The memory versions of the witch and wizard were just coming in.

"She might be-" he said, squinting. "I don't know everyone. Who's the bloke?"

"Oh, he's Cadwallader from Hufflepuff. I never forget a face. Are they about to-" Her eyes widened as she found out they were indeed about to get in the bed. "How do we get out of the memory?"

"You just pull your head up. It's like waking up from a dream."

When they both surfaced from the strange world of memory, he found he had a wand to his neck. For a moment he suspected Malfoy, perhaps just a knee-jerk reaction at this point, but he was surprised to find a determined-looking Parvati, a more sheepish-looking Ron just behind.

"We saw through it," Padma explained. "Thanks for showing me the Pensieve; Parvati hardly gave me an accurate description." There was a pause and a glower from the witch with her wand out.

"What was it that you saw through?" Harry asked.

"Are you trying to sleep with every witch in the castle?"

"No, not really, that would be a lot," Ron said. "It'd take months to- what, do you tell each other everything?"

"She told me enough," Padma said. "Basically, you slept with her in here and then rather transparently pulled the same trick on Lavender. How involved is Ron? He's not just distracting the distractions for you, is he?"

"He's pretty involved," Harry evaded.

"Just tell us what it is," Parvati demanded. "It's going to be a lot simpler if you just tell us."

"Well, Malfoy sort of put up this wager..." He explained it to the best of his ability, but it looked like they were still incredulous. _'I'd like for them to believe me, but I really hope they don't tell anyone, one way or another,'_ he thought.

"Wait, this whole thing was just a bet about whether or not he could sleep with the most witches?" Padma asked.

"That is so unbelievably... I'm not sure there's even a word for that. We already thought you were sleazy when we started to think you were going through every girl at the school- you could have at least said it was a personal quest or something!"

"Well, it's no skin off my nose if Gryffindor loses the House cup- after all, that's no guarantee that Slytherin will win."

Things were just getting worse and worse. If there were some way to learn the memory charm in thirty seconds, he would have done it in ten, but apparently he was out of luck. He looked over to Ron.

"Well, 'spose we made it a personal quest."

"What?" Parvati asked.

"If it wouldn't be so bad if we were just doing this for the sake of doing it, why don't we just go that way from now on? We don't have to beat Malfoy; Harry's won us the past three House Cups and he'll win us the next three after this."

"What?" her sister asked. "You can't just make a personal quest out of it now. She already knows why you slept with her-"

"I don't suppose that has to be why he sleeps with you," Ron continued. "Wouldn't you rather you lost it-"

"Why are we still entertaining this?" Parvati asked. "Are you really just going to sleep with Harry because he's now on some kind of personal quest to fuck as many witches as possible? Practically speaking, that's worse- he'll be found out for sure, and then where will you be?"

"I think you're jealous."

"Jealous? How could I be jealous of you? I'm almost certain I took his virginity-" Harry coughed. He did not think he had been that bad. "I know I said you were good, but I could tell you had never done it before. It was good for your first time."

"How could you tell I-"

"It was a hunch until you confirmed it. Most people don't think you and Hermione are a thing. Even more people would be surprised at the idea of you two sleeping together."

"...Thanks?"

"Stop being grateful!" Padma demanded. "I only went along with this little game because you were going to catch him, and you nearly came too late."

"Too late for what? Were you going to sleep with him to keep up the illusion? You couldn't have just played games with him a moment longer?" She sighed. "Oh, but I guess that's you, always picking up after me."

"I tried to keep her away as long as I could, mate," Ron explained. "She said she knew about where she was going and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop her."

"How did she get the door open?"

"I left it open, Harry, you just didn't look," Padma explained, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, how easy do you think I am?"

"I mean, if I almost came too late, you have to be at least easier than I am," Parvati guessed. "At least I thought it was because of some kind of bad boy quest."

"How is that better?" her sister asked, still lacking a straight answer on that front. "It's the same boy anyway- besides, if you were his first, he's bound to be better now. I would be losing my virginity to a more experienced lover."

Harry nodded to Ron. Ron nodded back.

"There's no reason you can't both have an experienced lover," he said. "If you aid me in my quest, fair maiden, I shall reward you most handsomely." Parvati scowled, but it had been her choice of the word quest, as well as deciding that quests were things that only 'bad boys' did.

"Are you serious right now?" Padma asked. "You're going to help him just to one-up me?"

"It's you who needs the one up," her sister explained. "Or rather, two, since I'm already two ahead."

"Two? How are you two ahead? How is sleeping with Harry again going to make up for the fact that he took advantage of you in the first place?" She looked over at Ron. "And why does he look like he's wondering something? What the hell are you wondering?"

"Just whether you're the type that likes to be humored or the type that likes to be shut up with a kiss."

"Type? I am no such type," Padma objected. "I expect everything I say to be take perfectly seriously."

"Oh, so that means it would be a point for you to sleep with Harry now that he's experienced?" Parvati asked.

"What? No, only that relative to your loss of a point, I would have a slight loss, which would put me ahead in a relativistic system-" Ron could not help but chuckle.

"You're thinking it too, Harry?"

"Yeah, I think we're on the same page. She's definitely the second one."

He kissed her without warning, and of course she resisted, but unlike her sister, she did not have her wand out. Holding her hands, he made sure she was in no position to flee. She managed to escape from his mouth, albeit breathing heavily as he pushed her toward the bed.

"Wait, I don't want Parvati to be watching me have my first time!"

"Oh, she won't be able to pay attention," he growled as he heard a tone of surprise. Ron was starting on her sister, shocking everyone else in the room. Harry took his turn not paying attention, tuning out what was going on behind him as he heard a breathy comment about how familiar his friend felt. Padma seemed to have mostly given into her desires as he played with her breasts through her clothes, exploring his own nether regions with the hand he had only just been holding against her waist. Pushing her down onto the bed, he crawled on top of her and moved enough of her clothes around to improve his access. Warming her up with a finger, he could not help but look over at the sound of a little shout of surprise by Parvati, being pushed onto the bed from the other side. _'They've at least seen each other naked before; this shouldn't be a problem,'_ he thought to himself.

Finding himself less hesitant than expected to get his cock out of his trousers and bury it in the witch in front of him, even though his best friend of four years was about to do the same mere feet from him, he was embraced immediately by the warm, wet cilia that seemed to recognize the entrance of Plato's other half. Nearly losing control, nearly forgetting to slow down, he paused to let the girl's body adjust to the new sensation, as well as for the pain to pass. Ron had no such reason to slow down, he knew, and in mere moments he started up, not even using his full length quite yet, carefully watching her reactions. Her face reddened slightly and her legs started to go around him, but he picked them up and put them on his shoulders instead.

"I'm- I'm-" Padma started. For a moment he thought she was trying to say she was coming, but she was looking directly at her sister, who was looking back at her.

"Shut- up," Parvati breathed back, looking like she was going to kiss her for a moment before her sister's eyes widened and she pulled back. Harry was trying to distract himself, but also trying not to look at Ron, so he ran through Quidditch plays in his head as he pumped in and out of Padma. He guessed from the contented smirk she was directing at her sister that she was winning their little contest, and after they both had an orgasm, Parvati demanded they swap. _'Merlin, it's like you want it to be awkward-'_ he thought to himself as they moved on the bed. ' _They must be the kind of twins that share everything and also get jealous of each other.'_

He felt himself re-hardening as the other witch started sucking him, which was something of a novel sensation. Her teeth could be felt by the sensitive skin of his cock, but he rather liked the way her tongue felt. It was almost as if he was moving his hips forward automatically, but it seemed she wanted him in a different part of her body soon enough, drawing back and putting her arse over the edge of the bed. He parted her wet lips with his cock as he leaned over her slender body. As he started to pump into her, he reached around her narrow shoulders to have her sensitive breasts in his hands again, pinning her arms to her sides. It felt like mere moments before they were both heating up, and as he looked over her other shoulder to draw breath properly, he saw that Ron was on the bed with Padma, who had her eyes closed.

The distraction was fortuitously enough for him to push Parvati over the edge just before he went over himself, pulling out and feeling himself go soft almost immediately. It made him feel a little better when Ron actually went off, though he looked away immediately as the witch's tits were covered. Harry could actively feel himself getting accustomed to the idea that his best friend had just gotten through having sex right next to him, and he could not tell whether or not he was more disturbed by that, or the fact that he was getting used to it.

The girls were lying on the bed again, having apparently gotten over their differences, at least for the moment. One of them, he had lost track, the one whose inside felt more ridged, beckoned for the two of them to come to bed and hold them, which they did. _'We have to stay on their good sides,'_ he thought to himself. _'We can't afford it if they start spreading around the truth about the bet.'_

Lying in bed with the girls was actually pleasant, and he minded it not too much that Ron was on the other side of them. Despite the fact they had just shown the two of them their tits, one pair of which was still covered with come, they covered all four by getting beneath the sheets and the wizards followed suit. It was weird to him, but he decided it would be weirder yet to inquire after the reason for such sudden modesty.

They talked about all sorts of things, and the four of them left with an odd feeling each, though Harry could really only speak for himself. He caught up with his friend in the corridor. Ron wore a determined look, oddly.

"Are we really making this into some kind of personal quest?"

"Might as well, but you bet your arse we're still beating Malfoy. We're just not telling the Patil sisters about that." _'Maybe I shouldn't have gone with total honesty,'_ he thought. _'It worked with Fred and George, but that was because they like games and jokes and all that.'_

"Right. Sorry about that. Anyway, we got another one, so what's after this?"

"Well, I need to go find Luna. Get to learning that spell that'll keep you in business." He stopped and turned around in the middle of walking off. "Oh, and I don't really blame you back there; I reckon I'd have bollocksed it up even worse."

With that thought to occupy his mind, Harry went back to the book they had found, finding a quiet corner of the library to read it. He thought it was a simple spell at first, but really what he needed it to do was conceptually complicated. It wouldn't do to just make him hard, he could hardly be whipping out his wand all the time; he needed a charm that he could use discreetly and then have his member deflate after a while. Eventually, he settled on an a spell he could at least cast without making a sound, if not without a wand.

All he needed now was practice.

" _Excuse moi_?"

He looked up to see a blonde witch staring at him. Her silvery hair was in a perfect part over her right eye and went down straight as if weighted; not a hair was out of place. Her dark blue eyes had a rather inquisitive look to them.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Would you 'appen to be 'Arry Potter?" _'You might be the first who ever asked.'_

"No," he said. He had no particular reason for lying except because he wanted to see what it was like when someone did not know who he was.

"I see. Are curse scars like yours common on zis island?"

"I guess some people have them. Who are you?" he asked.

"I am Fleur Delacour," the witch responded, somewhat taken aback. "I am ze champion for Beauxbatons Academ-"

"Oh, right. I wasn't paying attention." In truth, he had a grim certainty that they would call out his name, even though he had done nothing to deserve another year of trouble. "How is the Tournament?" he asked.

"Ze first task will 'appen soon. Do you know what ze task is?"

"You weren't told?" he asked, pointlessly. "Er, I guess that makes it more challenging. Well, I know something that might help."

As they got up it occurred to him that though he loved Hogwarts, if another school won, there was some chance that Hufflepuff would lose the House Cup, if for no other reason than because the students had been banking on Diggory to win it for them. If he started out behind, there was a good chance he would start going around asking for help.

The two of them took a walk together, because it seemed like the natural thing to do, or possibly because Harry had to return one of his books and would prefer the witch did not see it. He had already explained his quest once, and it did not turn out the way he had hoped.

"What is your name, zen?" she asked.

"Call me Dudley." He had responded to that name more than a few times.

"Ah, how English. Where do you live when you are not 'ere?"

"I live in Surrey. It's a muggle neighborhood, but I don't mind it," he lied. Fleur only looked confused.

Eventually they parted, though there was some indication that they would have to meet again. Harry could really only shrug at the idea, since he knew nothing about the French witch, but he supposed it could not hurt.


	9. Cornering and Pouncing

Going to Cedric seemed like the wrong move if he wanted to learn what the first task would be for the Triwizard Tournament, because it was doubtful he would even know, with the way the Weasley twins had described him. Even as he was in the library of Hogwarts, he doubted there was any useful information around him. Asking Hermione was more of a lark than anything else. He was better off sneaking around under the cloak and waiting to overhear something. Throwing it over himself as he left the library into an empty corridor, he heard two witches talking as they came around the corner.

"I heard the Astronomy Tower is the place to be at night, since you can see everything from up there."

"No, what you need is the Slytherin girls' dorm. They know it before it even happens."

The two of them looked to be Ravenclaws, each a year older than he was, and he could have sworn one of them was Cho Chang. He had no idea why they found those two places so interesting, but he guessed Saturday still had a few hours left to it, so he might as well meet back with Ron and check. They were meant to meet at the seventh floor, which was not too far from an entrance to the tower.

When he met up with Ron, they went over the news from Luna first.

"Well, she doesn't think he's had that many yet, but he's not telling her everything yet. She's being evasive about how she knows he's out to sleep with loads of witches."

"Isn't that suspicious?"

"Not for her. Anyway, she says his next target is someone in Ravenclaw. Do you know anyone named Marietta Edgecombe?"

"Never heard of her. She's not in our year, is she?"

"I don't think so. I've heard her name once, but that's it."

"Okay, so we know his next target, what do we do with that?" Harry asked, not quite following on that front. It was an optimistic assessment, he guessed, but they had at least a day or so before Malfoy actually got her, since he probably had never met her either.

"We get her right after. Saves us a trip. All we have to say is that he was boasting about it to us."

The idea of picking up after his rival was probably about as bad, if in a different way, as picking up right after his friend, but he had to admit that if they could draft behind Malfoy, they could save time that could be spent with other witches. There was only one problem.

"There's no way he won't find out. I'm going to have to put my foot down on that. He'll find out, and he'll just do the same to us somehow- it's not that big of a school, if he takes a guess, he'll probably find some witch I've hit already, and if he says I told him, he'll know right after that unless she sticks to the story and just denies it." _'We can't afford to just hope they'll do that, though,'_ he thought. _'There's no way they trust me that much, and if Malfoy gives them any reason to think I've been bragging, they'll believe it.'_

"Yeah," Ron said. "I reckon he'd figure it out, but I was hoping he wouldn't know what to do with it- let's think of something else."

Try as he might on the way to the Astronomy Tower, he could not think of any way to use the information that could not, in turn, be used against them. He had an amusing thought of charming the witch's quim not to release whatever went inside of it, but that had to be against one rule or another. In the provisions against sabotage that effectively changed the nature of the competition, they were not allowed to simply attack each other, which was nice in the sense that he was not looking over his shoulder for Crabbe and Goyle, but he knew Malfoy had left it in there so he could interpret it more liberally than his Gryffindor rivals.

Nothing seemed to be happening as they entered the tower; he wondered what it was that could be seen from the roof, and where everyone else was if it had been meant to be a rumor. When they opened the trap door that led to the roof, they saw nothing except Professor Trelawney, naked as the day she was born. The weirdness of it was striking, of course, but without all the bizarre trinkets and overlarge robes, she had a surprisingly nice figure, and was not that old besides. She turned around as soon as the trap door closed.

"Students! What are you doing here at this evening hour?" Ron looked like he was about to say something, but Harry felt he had a better idea.

"I think the question you should be asking, Sybil, is how we knew you would be here."

"What?" she asked.

"You had to know we knew you would be naked. Don't tell me you didn't see this coming," he continued.

"The Inner Eye does not see upon command," she insisted. _'Bugger. She probably doesn't want something like that to bite her later on.'_

"Do you have the Gift?" Ron asked. With how much she went on about it in class, there was little doubt each of her students could recite her usual lecture. "Harry discovered he had it last year." They paused as some unidentifiable sound rang out in the distance.

"Yes... I have always seen... great terror in his future, grieving, and he has seen it as well."

"There won't be any of that tonight, though," Ron said, most likely getting the plan as it developed. All of a sudden the doubt caught up with Harry. Surely they could not do it outside, and not mere hours after they had just done it with the Patil twins. He was exhausted in more ways than one, and he could be reasonably certain his friend was no better off. "We have another prediction, you see."

"Yes?" Professor Trelawney asked.

"You will not be sacked for appearing starkers before two students," he started. "You will instead tell us about the dragon roaring we hear in the distance."

"There's another thing," Harry said. "You'll find a young wizard in a mysterious room, and you'll do whatever he asks... tomorrow." It was a grueling schedule for him and Ron to keep, shortly after starting he had never thought he would tire of sex, but it was starting to take a physical toll; he found he could not do it quite as often as he wanted.

"The sounds, well, because Mars is rather bright tonight, I predicted that blood would be spilled, but it appears there are only dragons here." _'That's right,'_ he thought. _'Charlie studies dragons in Romania. Of course Ron would know a roar when he heard one.'_ The last dragon he had met was only a baby at the time, and did not quite know how to roar.

"Interesting. I once heard a prophecy that it will eventually be revealed that some of the teachers were informed about the tasks at the beginning of the year," Harry said.

"I have heard the very same foretelling," Trelawney replied. "It is of great fortune that you have taken such an interest in Divination, Mr. Potter. You may be able to avert some of the dreadful calamities that are predicted about you."

"Perhaps," Ron said. "I wouldn't recommend trying to avert any of the prophecies we told you, though, since the three all come as a set."

The thought crossed his mind to get the witch to look into the other professors to see if there were any inconvenient secrets to be learned about them, but it seemed better not to push his luck. Finding out such secrets could prove helpful for getting away with rule breaking in the future, but it would risk exposing the fact that he had dirt on one teacher already. He was quite certain that Ron would tell him not to let the other player know what he was doing with his pawns until it was too late.

As they left the Astronomy Tower, it occurred to him that the trip there could not have possibly gone better. There were still some matters to address, though, not the least of which was the fact that he had not been prepared to actually have sex with the witch, so he made a mental note to look into that. When he asked, Ron had apparently made some process on the complex charm that showed his bodycount, but so far he could only get it to screech out loud, rather than now relatively subtle number appearing out of nowhere.

"We might as well try it before bed, then," Harry suggested once they reached the Fat Lady. "It can't hurt."

"Alright. _Parvus Mortem._ " He did a double jab of his wand, an odd motion by any estimation.

"FOUR!" a shrill voice announced, causing both of them to cover their ears. The paintings on the wall were looking around for who was responsible, but most of them settled on the Fat Lady herself, who only looked indignant.

"You!" she accused. "You two are out of bed again, and now you're making noises at all hours of the night."

"Well, yeah, but no one's going to believe you," Ron said, putting his wand away. "Balderdash."

The lady of the portrait rolled her eyes and swung open. Harry climbed through immediately rather than pushing his luck.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

"The twins've gotten away with worse for years. They've got methods of dealing with her."

"Like what?" he asked quietly after they quickly greeted Hermione and headed up.

"There's some spell for it; I don't know. All they ever told me is the pictures don't like it."

Quietly, Harry supposed that explained how they got away with some of their pranks, as long as no one could explain how they got past the portrait without being noticed, which must have been what they would claim. He knew they had the map memorized. _'That's right; I could use the map to find witches out on their own,'_ he thought to himself before trying to rephrase it in a less predatory way.

Not for the first time, and he doubted it would be for the last time, he thought to himself that he really was doing something predatory, but there was nothing to be done about it now. He definitely enjoyed everything he had done so far, even if it required some adjustment here and there. It had never crossed his mind that he would be having sex at all in fourth year, and to say the least, that was already not the strangest thing that had happened.

He could not wait to see what would happen next.


	10. Foreseen and Unforeseen

Harry passed a note to Fleur Delacour in the Great Hall the following morning at breakfast, drawing the attention of several young wizards in the process. He doubted she thought nothing at all of it, but could hardly tell him off for communicating with her, especially not when he was telling her about the challenge. Hermione stood in his way as he started off to go to classes.

"Hi, Hermione."

"Don't 'Hi Hermione' me, you and Ron are up to something. Hagrid says he was looking for you last night, and he didn't blame you for it, but apparently his date with Madame Maxine didn't work out-"

"He's dating the Headmistress of Beauxbatons?"

"Well, he didn't put it that way, but it was rather obvious- not because of their similar heritage, but because of the way they were acting- Don't change the subject!"

"We're not up to anything. We're just busy studying."

"Right. Just when I wanted to talk to you two about the house elves, you decide studying is interesting."

"House elves?" He thought of Dobby and no one else.

"Hogwarts uses elven slave labor for everything! It's disgusting. It's literally chattel slavery."

"Oh, we knew about that. We were... visiting them. Er, we wanted them to share their experiences." Nothing happened for a moment. "We, well, we sort of felt bad for them."

Harry watched Hermione's expression change to an uncertain one.

"What?"

"Is that weird? You were just saying that they're literally being used as slave labor-"

"No, why would you two be doing that and acting like you were hiding something?"

"Well, we've found that they don't really, er, like talking about it sometimes." He looked back and forth and then leaned in for a whisper. "They don't trust outsiders."

The witch in front of him was surprised and a bit pink at the cheeks.

"Oh, well, I don't mean to presume, and I certainly would not want to tread on any kind of unique indigenous culture in which- I certainly would hope it's a matter of culture rather than blood, in which case their understanding of biological determinism- while understandable and worthy of respect due to their most likely long-held belief, possibly finds itself not in line with a twentieth century understanding of equality and-"

"I'll see you later, Hermione," Harry said, walking off to class.

When he arrived in Potions, he was only a few moments late, but pretended to look indignant about the point reduction because he knew it would probably worse if it seemed he did not suffer from being docked points. He found a seat next to Ron, who was pretending to study the text, but had another book unconvincingly hidden behind it. He made a 'check this out' sort of hand motion.

He was looking over a potion, a relatively simple one, that would reduce what was called 'the male refractory period' to basically nothing. _'That would make me ready to go right after-_ ' he started thinking, stopped by Snape staring at them. They worked on the potion they were assigned for the class.

"Problem isn't the ingredients. We can summon those from the Forbidden Forest. It's just a matter of when we brew it."

"We'll use the room," Harry whispered back. "It can make a Pensieve appear, can't it make a cauldron and whatever else?"

"Five points from Gryffindor for unnecessary chatter."

Neither of them looked up. There was a chance, of course, that their House would lose the cup, but if everything worked out, there was no way they would lose as badly as Slytherin. That alone would more than make up for the way Snape treated them on a daily basis.

Knowing that they would bag Trelawney for the evening, they decided, apparently without coordinating at all, that they needed to use the opportunity to seek out a new target. Unfortunately, it seemed Malfoy would have words with them. He stopped them in the corridor between classes.

"Good day, Potter. I thought it appropriate to have a bit of a comparison of our progress." His first thought was to refuse, but now Harry was annoyed.

"Compare all you like, Malfoy."

" _Parvus Mortem,"_ he intoned, pointing his wand at himself. A vague number six appeared before him. Ron's mouth was hanging open.

"Hold up- six, Harry's only got four! You must be cheating."

"Think nothing of it Weasley; some of us simply have more charm than others. I remind you that you may withdraw at any time," he said before strutting off.

"That bastard," Ron started. "You can't fool the spell, but he must have done something- he wouldn't have cared whether or not we wanted to give it up."

"I don't know, Ron, maybe he really is ahead," Harry said as they went to the next class. "All this means is we have to pick it up. He knows we're close behind."

"Right, I shouldn't have told him- wait, no, if I didn't tell him, he'd have just cast the spell on you." He seemed to think for a moment. "Well, at least we decided to wait a moment on Trelawney."

They were in Charms, but the spell they were learning was pretty easy for some reason.

"Right. We need to find that witch who lured you out that one time. We know she's at least willing to... you know-"

"Fine. I saw her again. I think she's a Hufflepuff named Megan Jones. This was when you were doing Hannah Abbot?"

"Yeah, why?"

There was no answer for a moment.

"Ron, are you going to go find her?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I just want to see if I could do it without your help."

"Ron, you already know that. If this Megan witch wanted you so badly she'd call you out-"

"Harry, in what normal universe does that make sense?" he asked. "At first I thought I was just stuck in my head about it, but now I think it really is weird she would call me out. I think she knows about the bet."

"Hmmm... she could have found out from Malfoy."

"I guess, maybe she wanted to even the score or something, but then you think she would have gone with you. She couldn't have known you were going to be busy with Hannah. Just let me do this."

Harry nodded. It certainly seemed easier than not letting him do it, and he really did not have any other suggestions.

"We'll need to get the potions in order, though. We can skip lunch for that."

It was a real testament to their friendship that Ron offered a grave nod in response.

Sometime between then and going into the room to find it loaded with potion ingredients and cauldrons, Harry had told his friend about the House Elf thing Hermione had brought up. Ron seemed to think it was bollocks, and did not quite understand how anyone could see it as a bad thing, since as far as he was aware, there had not been more than one House Elf to complain about the job.

The potions were as easy to brew as they had predicted, if there were a couple hiccups. _'We also don't have a good way of testing these,'_ he thought. _'They should last for a few hours, so it's better to drink them ahead of time, but I wouldn't want anyone to see.'_ At some point they would have to find something that was better than relying on a potion.

Deciding they could meet Trelawney at the prearranged time, they went off to find their other targets. Megan Jones was sitting by herself, as the map indicated, though when he approached her she seemed to have very little interest in him. It was not as if she had something against him, but completely played off his entreaties as innocent questions as though she were oblivious to what he was saying. Eventually deciding he was wasting time, he hoped Ron was having better luck elsewhere, but as he arrived at the room again, he learned that he needed not have held his breath.

"I didn't know how to get her in the mood, Harry; it was weird."

"She likes it really gentle."

"Oh, well, if you dropped the Quaffle with Megan, she's the opposite. I reckon I should have told you that, but, well..."

"It would have been weird." He sighed. "After we deal with Trelawney-" They were handling it together as the potions were not ready yet. "-we'll find some new targets. It's better to give it a few days before going back to the same ones. Do you have any ideas?"

"Luna says she thinks Tracy Davis might be a good pick. She's said she wouldn't touch a mud- well, we'll just have to keep our objections to a minimum."

"Is she a Slytherin?"

"Yeah."

"Well, at least that should get to Malfoy in some way."

Harry would have to admit, if asked, that he really had no idea how they were going to approach Tracy, but he guessed she was not in the immediate periphery of their rival. Looking at the map, she was currently on her own, for what that was worth. ' _Even if we get the potion ready by that point, I should probably bring Ron,'_ he decided. ' _She might be more interested in him because he's a pure blood.'_

To some extent he was annoyed by the fact that they were appeasing the witch, but the fact that they were doing it solely to deceive her long enough to get into her robes seemed more like a loss in the book of the Death Eaters than a win, and it might well put her in some kind of doghouse if they were lucky. _'Maybe, if we're really lucky, she'll realize they're a bunch of wankers,'_ he hoped.

Trelawney showed up with an oddly guilty look on her face.

"You've been here before, haven't you?" he asked, since she was looking at the section of the wall that would soon turn into a door.

"Your ability to see into the past is almost preternatural-"

"You've been in here with loads of students, haven't you?" Ron accused, getting her to roll it back immediately.

"Oh, I have been here, though I believe the past is quite irrelevant, for, as winter when spring melts it away, it is already gone, you see. I have never before been here with a student for the purpose of doing anything... unprofessional-"

"Unprofessional how?" he continued. "You've never come here to take a student up your arse before?"

"No, never!" she insisted, stepping out of her usual dialogue for a moment.

"Funny, it sounds like that's why you're here now," Harry said, following along. Trelawney was preemptively waving her hands again, but he turned to the door as though he did not see. "Well, I suppose there is a first time for everything."

As foretold, the Divination teacher was in the room with them and almost immediately gulped upon seeing the bed. Ron ordered her clothes off, which she complied after a greater amount of hesitation. They offered to show her the memory in the Pensieve of a student having sex, but she declined, professing to have no interest at all in the past.

 _'I really should return that one of these days,'_ Harry thought. _'Sorry, Alicia.'_

They had a simple system for getting her to do things, though it appeared she had not done any of them before. First they would ask if she had predicted it, and if she said no, they would order her to do it, but if she said yes, they would insist that she had no choice in the matter; it was already foretold. They pushed her onto the bed and got their cocks out, Harry going first since it was his challenge. He was halfway to making the witch orgasm when Ron started poking at her arse.

"Did you predict you'd have a cock go up here?" he asked. Trelawney seemed to be having trouble forming words as Harry pumped into her from the front, so she only shook her head. "Well, I reckon that means I get it right more often than you," he said, jamming it in right as her body contracted in orgasm. Penetrating the same witch at the same time was a new height of weirdness for Harry, since he could swear he felt the movement of his friend's cock, but he was too lost in the sensation to care. It was enough of a distraction to keep him from going off again, but the witch's legs started to shake, much to her embarrassment. He wanted to switch and Ron obliged.

Pumping into the teacher's arse without preamble was a different sensation, but she was lucky his cock was lubricated from her other hole. Ramming it in at random, it seemed his friend was having better luck in her quim, considering she was already starting to warm up again. The two of them were getting to be relatively good lovers, which he hoped would be enough to beat Malfoy, whatever kind of game he was playing. At some point he noticed Trelawney was hanging on to Ron as he fucked her, which meant she was enjoying it as far as he was aware. When his own member went soft he extracted himself right as his friend got their test subject to her third orgasm. _'A shame it'll only count for one,'_ he thought to himself.

The idea, of course, was to net as many as possible, the orgasm requirement was mostly because it would just not be in the spirit of things if he got witches into bed without satisfying them. When Ron pulled out, they sent Trelawney away with the promise that the room would be empty after the general curfew, for whatever reason she wanted that.

"We thought she'd been in the room before, remember?" Harry asked. "Maybe she's got some other purpose for it."

"Maybe; I don't know. What do you think about after Tracy? Should we try for another one of the teachers?"

"I don't think so. It's, er, a risk reward kind of thing. We can probably get a few favors out of Trelawney, but she also knows about us. We shouldn't push it too far, and we shouldn't try to get another teacher until we can get her for sure." He thought about it for a minute. "We'll have to ask Luna who Malfoy's had so far. We don't want to follow right after him, but maybe she has an idea of how we can get ahead."

They decided it was a reasonable idea as they got dressed and left the room. There were not many hours left in the day, but they could still probably find their eccentric helper wandering around the corridors. He let Ron deal with that while he went back into the room to check on the cauldrons.

With the potion ready, there was a decent quantity of vials, and each one could be expected to last a few days at least before decaying. There were supposed to be charms he could put on them to make the contents last longer, but because those spells conflicted with certain brews, they did not come standard. At any rate, there was plenty of the potion to share with Ron, and he had intended to share it the whole time. As he left the room with his prize, it occurred to him that despite the weirdness, it was great to have a friend going through the same thing.

Sometimes it was odd to remind himself that five years earlier, he had no friends.


	11. Victimizing the Voyeur

Harry found himself sympathetic to the idea of telling Hermione more about what was going on, at least to get her off their backs, but ideally because she was his friend. Unfortunately, he had already dug himself in a deep hole with the elf thing, and Ron was just digging it deeper. He told her about all sorts of things that she should and shouldn't say in front of them, and he even had long back stories for each of the terms.

"She's going to realize it eventually," he said, looking up from what he was reading. "She'll explode when she finds out what we've been doing."

"That's why we're putting it off as long as possible," his friend said. "If we put it off to next year, we won't even lose the House Cup."

"Next year- Ron, how stupid do you think she is?"

"You've seen her talk about the elves- she just assumes all she wants and if you figure out what her assumptions are, you can fill in the blanks."

"If we applied half this amount of ingenuity and effort to our schoolwork, we'd be at the top of our class," Harry muttered. In any previous year, he would not have said he and Ron could fool Hermione about anything.

"That's what I'm saying. We're smart too, Harry. We just didn't know it."

They went to meet Luna after their morning classes were over. The two of them had spent most of their spare time going over some of the spells they figured they really needed to know, as well as a couple others to see if they were getting the theory right. She was sitting in a random alcove next to a suit of armor when they found her.

"Hello, Harry, Ron," she said. "Have you seen any cock goblins lately?"

"No, that's what we were going to ask you," Ron said, his brow knitted. Harry looked at the Marauder's Map, finding Tracy Davis on the third floor for some reason. _'Maybe she's one of those girls who skips lunch,'_ he thought to himself.

"I had a wonderful time discussing things with Draco," she said. "He really opens up to me now. Did you know he has a relatively small cock?"

"I had a feeling," Harry said. "Did he show it to you?" She shook her head. _'Good. It might be beneath him to go after third years,'_ he thought.

"No, he said it in a joke, but he said it wasn't half his wand."

"Bloody hell," Ron said. "You wonder how he manages it."

"That's another thing we were going to ask you," Harry said. "Do you have any idea if he's gotten around the terms of our agreement?" Luna shook her head, then nodded.

"He seems to be talking with the Dlorphin Man a lot."

"That's Snape," Ron said. "Don't ask why." He turned back to the witch. "They're just talking in his office? You never hear anything about what they discuss?"

"No, but he does it quite often, so I would imagine it has something to do with the amount of witches he has managed to bed thus far. In the past week, he has spoken with the Dlorphin Man at least three times, and has bedded three witches, bringing his total to seven. The correlation cannot support a causal hypothesis, but it is worthy of investigation, and other explanations are less likely. I have suspected the witches in question have had their brains infested with a rare variant of nargle, but they are unlikely to live in Britain."

Harry and Ron stood there blinking for a moment. _'At least now I see why we're getting help form her,'_ the prior thought to himself. _'She's not Hermione, but she's bloody brilliant, in her own way.'_ He decided to move the discussion along.

"Well, how could Snape be helping him?" he asked. "Could he be giving out better potions marks for witches who are willing to spend time with him?"

"That wouldn't do it by itself," Ron muttered, frustrated. "I reckon he's threatening them with detention. Chances are, there're more than enough of them who've done something, and he _held onto it_."

"What are we going to do?"

"That's just it, Harry, that's the whole point. When he came up with this plan, he thought to himself, what are we going to do, tell McGonagall? That's a laugh."

"Well, we have to tell someone. He can't threaten them with- I don't know, disciplinary infractions for not having sex with his pet student."

"The only way we're going to beat him is getting more of the teachers. I can't think of anyone good, who would care about the injustice of it all, without blowing up the whole competition, and that would make us lose the House Cup."

"Yeah, but it could put Malfoy in Azkaban. It could put Snape in there with him. We'd lose a ton of points, because of whatever we would have to do, but getting expelled has got to lose you more."

"You're forgetting we don't have proof of any of this," Ron said. "We go to any given teacher with a clue, a hint, and Malfoy's dear old dad is going to squirrel away all the evidence before the other dragonhide boot can drop. We lose for tattling; that's it." He seemed to think about it for a moment. "Well, that actually might not be it. Once he knows he's gotten away with it, he'll get right back to it just because he knows it gets to us. It won't matter if we say anything about it _then,_ because he'll already be proven-"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Harry sighed. "We'll get other teachers on board. At the very least, we can make Malfoy admit to everything when this is over." Though he was doing his best to keep his cool, the stakes of their wager were upped substantially, and he was just as far behind as he had been the last time they checked, which was also the first time. _'We really shouldn't have told him we had four,'_ he thought to himself. _'He probably knew we were serious and decided he needed to maintain his lead.'_

"Luna, do you have any dirt on any of the teachers?" Ron asked. The look on his face said he knew it was a long shot.

"Funny you should ask. I happen to know Professor Sinistra is a bit of a voyeur."

"What?"

"She likes to watch the students, did you know? Mostly the witches, but sometimes the wizards too." It crossed Harry's mind that she might simply be supervising.

"Where does she watch them?"

"The Prefects' Bath, of course."

"The what?"

"Percy told me about it," Ron said. "Come on, I'll explain on the way. Thanks Luna; you've earned yourself another present." They walked off together, but it looked like one of the was still searching for a good way to explain the Prefects' Bath. "I guess I should say that you might find some things about the wizarding world weird."

"I guess. I like it better than living with the Dursleys," Harry said, wanting to know where he was going.

"I reckon it looks like some kind of confusing mix of stuff you know and stuff you don't. That's kind of because after the Statute of Secrecy, we just adopted whatever we wanted, like plumbing and such, but left everything else the way it was."

"I think I'm following you," he said as they reached the stairs.

"One of the things we didn't really pick up was, well, certain attitudes about- have you ever heard of the Roman Baths?"

"Oh, so it's communal, like a Quidditch shower. That's pretty normal. I'm pretty sure muggles have it the same way."

"Well, assuming Fred and George were only pulling my leg, like always, the witches take the first showers, right?" Harry blinked.

"Of course. I just accepted that without thinking back when I started playing." He paused to consider. "Do the male Prefects get to go first in their bath?"

Ron looked about ready to laugh about it, but then gave it up.

"Not really. I reckon it works out that way sometimes, but only by accident. There are no set times when Prefects use the bath."

"What? You could just walk right in on anyone." Ron only nodded. "Do they arrange anything among themselves?" He could not quite see Percy as a voyeur who would 'accidentally' walk in on a classmate during her bath.

"They might; I don't really know. The point is, it's not a violation of the rules for any Prefect to go in at any time, and technically I think it applies to teachers too. You can thank Hermione for that one; she told me there's really nowhere in the school teachers can't go."

"That makes sense," Harry said as they arrived in a place he had probably never been. "Is this the place?"

"Yeah. Luna said the password is 'pine fresh'. She must've overheard from one of the Slytherin Prefects." Harry nodded. Cedric was a Prefect too, so he guessed they could ask him, but it seemed better to conceal their plans for the moment. Gulping slightly, he opened the door to find exactly no one behind it. He and Ron could still effectively hide under the invisibility cloak, but only if they both crouched a little, so he supposed he should not have been too surprised when a curse that seemed to come from nowhere went right over their heads.

"Bloody hell-" Ron whispered as they kept moving, trying to keep the cloak over them. "What was that?"

"It could be Sinistra-" Harry whispered back. "She's been waiting for someone to show up, and she saw the door open, but no one went through. So she aimed a stunning hex at where our heads would've been if we'd been walking at full height."

"She must've known anyone coming in invisible would be onto her."

"Maybe. I just wish I knew how we find her."

"Well, that's easy." Ron readied his wand. _"Accio cloak,"_ An invisibility cloak flew through the air, revealing the Astronomy teacher.

" _Expelliarmus,"_ Harry followed, knocking her wand out of her hand before her cloak could reach their position. "Where did you get this?" he asked as he caught it, realizing the teacher was naked. She had a thin frame, but her breasts were well-shaped.

"I... found it."

"Oh, that's a laugh," Ron said. "Even Fred and George have better excuses than-hell, even Ginny-"

"No, I really did find it. It was at the High Table after the feast ended, draped over someone's chair. I realized no one would know I had it-"

"So it gave you the chance to fulfill your voyeuristic fantasies?"

"...please, understand that I am still a young woman, all these attractive young people around me-"

"What do we do with her, Harry?"

"As if there's anything else she's good for," he said, removing his tie.

"Oh, no, please, I don't want any trouble. Anyone could come in at any moment-"

"If that's the case, you had better start sucking," Harry said, flopping his cock out. He knew he had to make her orgasm, but that could wait. The teacher got over her momentary hesitation and got on the floor in front of him, hesitating again before taking him in her mouth as if he would decide it had all been some sort of joke. It was not, however, a joke, because jokes did not get him sucked off. Ron took the chance to go around back and start pounding on her as she sucked, and he found himself grateful that this time all he could feel was the momentum of his friend's thrusting.

The mouth felt more experienced than the previous one, which fit what he had reckoned, though he doubted witches who had voyeuristic fantasies had as much sex as others. Her head bobbed on his member as her hand found his balls, which he rather liked. When she orgasmed, he could not feel it through her mouth, but he could see it in her eyes.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?" he asked as she pulled his member out, though she only nodded. Taking his turn with her quim, he found he slid in easily and he had no trouble warming her back up. It was apparently more difficult for her to suck Ron off than it had been when he had been doing the fucking, so he guessed she was simply in a different mental state. She put her mouth on his cock, but nothing more until after she had an orgasm, at which point she started doing it properly.

When they both finished, the wizards told the witch what was going on with Snape. She swore she knew nothing about such questionable activities of his, which they acted like they doubted, since she must spy on everyone.

"Oh, no- not everyone-"

"Just the Prefects," Ron said. "Got a bit of a thing for good boys and girls?" She shook her head, though it was pointless.

"I don't know, Ron, she seemed pretty into us, and we're definitely not good boys. We've probably set records for the amount of points we've cost Gryffindor. Thing is, we always get them all back. You're going to get us dirt on Snape. If you can't do that, get us dirt on the other teachers and we'll use that."

"No- please- this was supposed to be a one-time-"

"I'm afraid not," Ron said. "It'd look pretty damn bad for you if someone saw our memories, and we happen to have access to a Pensieval." Harry thought better of correcting him. "After all, how did we get in here? We don't know the password."

Professor Sinistra's eyes widened and they almost felt sorry for her. It was about then he remembered she had probably ogled over more than one of Ron's brothers, which was pretty bad in his book. He was not sure where exactly he would place it in relation to Voldemort killing his parents, since he had not thought of it before, but it had to be up there.

"Well, at least now we know who our next target is," Harry said.

"Who?" Ron asked.

"Tracy. Haven't you been paying attention?"


	12. You Do The Arithmancy

It seemed Ron was none too put out by the joke, nor was he put out by the different treatment he received from their latest victim. He had, however, a different idea.

"I think we should go after someone else."

"Who?"

"Well, not Tracy. I reckon Snape's already got her in his pocket. We need someone else with her in a pocket, so she can't rat us out to him."

"Damn. You're probably right about that." With Trelawney and Sinistra digging up dirt on other teachers, and hopefully students, there was a chance they could even the playing field in that regard soon enough, but before that could take place, they needed a productive way of spending the rest of the day.

"Might as well see if the potions work," Ron suggested. "We'll need to be leading someone else up there anyway. Can't expect someone to walk in here."

They left the Prefects' Bath and bounced ideas off each other. Luna had not been able to tell them whether or not Marietta Edgecombe had been hit already, so she was out for the time being. They really wanted to avoid anyone from third year or below, though privately Harry supposed that if the witch was close enough to his age, it would be more or less fine. He knew for a fact that Hermione was the oldest in their year, with Justin Finch-Fletchey being almost a whole year younger.

"I reckon we have to get another Ravenclaw," Ron decided. "I'm running out of people I even know." Harry was reminded that his friends had spent most of their time with him, as opposed to making other friends. Almost as soon as he was about to say something, however, they nearly bumped into a pair of Durmstrang girls as they rounded the corner.

"Scuse us," Ron said. "We're not too cautious about going around corners here. Haven't heard of anyone waiting with a dagger behind a suit of armor." One of the witches cracked a smile at the stereotype joke.

"Cute," she said. "I'll have you know, my English is good enough that I know what people are saying about us. My father was from Wales."

"I'll assume that's why you're rather like a lamb yourself," Harry said. "Must be a real adventurer, going all over the world in search of a wooly wife." He thought for a moment he went too far with that one, but at least the other one laughed, if for no other reason than because of the expression of the first.

"What're your names, anyway?" Ron asked as they started in the direction of the stairs. "Can't promise I won't forget, 'cause I've heard as many as I care to remember, but I spose there's got to be a reason I'm credited for my discretion."

This time the other one found it funny. It was a good sign, Harry supposed, but there was still a long way to go. As they went to the room, he made sure to pay them a fair bit of compliments, though the one who could speak English got more than the other, of course. She told him she could tell he knew his way around a witch's heart, and he told her that was not the extent of his navigational abilities. The four of them entered the room to find the ready-made potions, along with a few regular drinks. The rules stipulated things like love potions were out of bounds, but a regular old firewhiskey was part of the game.

Both the witches enjoyed the drinks, and though they found them a bit lacking in strength, there was more than enough to go around. Harry and Ron had some after they were done with the potions, which he found did not particularly taste like anything, except some impossible to place flavor that did not quite go with water or any other tasteless substance. As he drank he could feel himself ready to go immediately, and asked the girls if they would like to see a trick. Leaving the room and opening the appearing door again, he heard some new Russian words as they found the decoration had changed entirely from a potions lab to a cozy love nest.

Their clothes were off almost immediately; he found himself impressed by their bodies even though they were different, one rather thin and the other of a more curvy shape. They hardly needed to be pushed onto the beds, but they were all the same, and there was a fair amount of play before the main event started. Harry could tell his witch, the one who could probably speak English if she were sober, had probably had sex before, and after she came with her nails in his back, they rolled over so she could ride him. It was a bit of a new experience, relatively speaking, but he found he enjoyed it even faster than he accustomed himself to it. The witch made herself come all over him before Ron started motioning for them to switch.

A look of uncertainty passed between the girls before Harry pulled the other one in for a kiss while the first was still mounted on him. They seemed to get used to the idea of switching as he watched a similar development happening with Ron; that particular girl liked a fair bit of play before she got going, but the one with whom he was now faced was almost the opposite, she was ready to go immediately. Lifting a leg, Harry came at her as she lied on her side, pawing at her reasonably ample breast as he pounded into her warmth. Fighting to stay in control amid the pleasure, he found she wrapped around him as her orgasm neared.

It came over him like a wave, this distinct warm squeeze; could not at all resist the urge to hold onto the girl just as she held onto him. When he realized he was going off inside the witch she said something that would probably not have been coherent even if he could speak Russian, but her expression was reassuring. _'She must be telling me- she's got a potion or something-'_ he started to think. He looked over just in time to see Ron do the same, and the girl looked like she was thoroughly enjoying a pleasant surprise.

"You've got potions for this sort of thing, right?" he asked as they dedicated a moment to a lie-in.

"We've done this before. We're sluts."

"Oh." He wondered for a moment if the limitations in her familiarity with English was picking a word for her when she might have said something else. "In a... positive context, you might say you were experienced, or perhaps that you 'had been around'-"

"I meant it." She smiled as she looked at him. "We didn't come here to enter the Tournament, not really. Anastatia thought it might be fun to watch, but I was more considerate. I thought a taste of home might give Krum the edge he needs to win. Funny how that worked out."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been sleeping with him exclusively for over a fortnight now and he came in second in the first task." She blew a hair out of her eye. "Ah, well, maybe that's because he joked that he always came second. He deserved it after that."

"I wasn't watching," he admitted. The other witch said something as if she understood him.

"She said you're famous enough already. She didn't expect to see you in the crowds." Harry nodded. _'Of course they know who I am,'_ he thought. _'Was the other witch faking it or something?'_

"We were otherwise occupied," Ron explained. "French witch get it? I have to admit I was rooting for her." The witch smiled at him.

"Yes, she closed out the first task ahead by a fair margin. Do you two have some kind of quest to fuck as many witches as possible?"

"Yeah," Harry said. "Can you give us pointers that might work on girls that... aren't like you?"

"Oh, just be grateful for ten minutes, would you? Most wizards at least go until the next morning before they realize they've lost all respect for us." She looked to her friend and back. "We don't always do it together, by the way."

"I haven't lost respect for the Patil twins," Ron muttered. "Didn't have that much to start, since they always seemed kind of stuck-up, but I haven't lost it."

"Maybe the blokes lose respect for you because they don't know anything else about you. Do you normally like to sleep with strangers so it doesn't get back to you?" Harry asked.

"If I were looking for help I would have been more clear about that," the Durmstrang witch said. "Anyway, I would expect a less welcoming witch would probably at least expect you to prove yourself first. Do you have someone in mind?"

"Fleur Delacour."

"Merlin!" Ron exclaimed. "You really know how to aim high, don't you?" Harry nodded. _'It was more because I happened to meet her, but if I do get her, there has to be some kind of extra point for it,'_ he thought to himself. _'Well, the spell isn't going to care, but maybe I'll have myself more respect.'_

As he weighed the costs and benefits of maintaining his discretion, even when he could say he had a widely-desired witch like Fleur, he noticed one of the girls was getting up, likely bored of the conversation she could not understand. The other one followed her after a few jokes with Ron; apparently they both found the idea of the personal quest of sleeping around with a friend amusing, and finding it amusing was about the only way they could get over the weirdness. _'I didn't even think about how weird it was for him,'_ Harry realized. _'Well, I think I assumed that he would think it just as weird as I did, but I never really... considered it.'_

"Well, nice to see the potions work," his friend said as they were alone again, getting their robes on rather quickly. "I could almost go again."

"Yeah, almost. Here I was thinking that we'd been barking up the wrong tree sticking to girls we knew. I really thought for a moment that as some kind of celebrity, I could go over to the Durmstrang ship or the carriage thing from that other place and just have my pick."

Ron laughed. It was as if it was the funniest thing Harry had ever said.

"Wouldn't that be a sight?" he asked. "You go over to the stupid ship and walk past Krum like 'I'm Harry Potter, I can have any witch around'." He started to ineffectually pantomime what he was imagining. "Then he comes at you with, I don't know- 'O Rily? Vat makes yu say sat?' and then you tell him about the girls and he just sort of nods along for a moment before he tells you you'll have to do better than that-" He looked around as if the girls would pop back into the room. "Se only sing in Russia sat can't hit sem is se _Novgorod._ "

The joke might have been funnier with the context, but he knew there was something behind it at the very least. It was not the first time he was happy to have a friend involved in such a hare-brained scheme. He was starting to miss Hermione, actually, he was starting to realize he had enjoyed the ability to confide in her, and now the two of them were keeping secrets.

As they left the room he asked Ron if he thought their other friend would ever figure out what they were doing."

"Sooner or later, but at least not until Christmas holiday. She's really kind of blind to this sort of thing."

"What do you mean?"

"I dunno, mate, it's weird. Did you know Krum has a thing for her?"

"Krum?"

"Yeah. Big bloke, Bulgarian, Durmstrang Champion, International Quidditch player-"

"I know who he is, I just can't believe that he would- it's not like she's-"

"Apparently that's what it was. She told me in class that he thinks it's really swell she's the first witch he ever met who isn't fawning over him. Even calls him bloody 'Victor'. Merlin."

"Well, that's his name, I suppose. What is he to her?"

"Not much that I can tell. She's nice to him and that's about it."

Harry thought for a moment. He knew it would probably be hypocritical of him to expect her not to make other friends, to put things mildly, but he really had not thought that would be the case. ' _What did she do last year when Ron and I were avoiding her?'_ he found himself wondering.

They found her in Gryffindor Common Room trying to convince the house elves that they should take her gifts of clothes.

"You're a piece of property," she was saying, exasperated. "The school can legally trade you for a bag of magic beans." The servants looked around, unable to determine if anyone had ever heard of magic beans before. Hermione sighed. "You're literally slaves."

"We know that," one of them said. "What, did you think we didn't like it here?"

"Harry, Ron, why did Dobby want to be free?"

"I'm pretty sure the Malfoys were abusing him," Ron said. Harry only nodded.

"That's what they get, and elf that wants to run away," one of the house elves said. "We would never run from Hogwarts. It's lovely here."

"Well, that about settles it, then," Ron decided. "They don't mind being here at all."

"What if they're being made to say that somehow?" Harry asked. Professor Moody had already introduced them to the Imperius Curse, and he was reasonably certain it would work on any kind of creature.

"There aren't any ways of telling, so we'll never know."

"We're not being made to say anything!" one of the house elves insisted.

"See, that's the kind of thing you would say if you were being made to say things," Ron said. Hermione just looked surprised again.

"I had only thought they might have been conditioned to believe that this was their fate," she said.

"We've not been conditioned to believe anythin'!" another house elf said. His face was starting to get a bit red. _'We need to dial things down,'_ he thought to himself.

"All we're saying is the jury is still out, and it'll probably be out for a while," Harry said. "There's nothing we can do about it this evening."

"Don't you usually like to get to the bottom of things?" Hermione asked.

"This isn't a Voldemort thing," he said, ignoring Ron's flinching. "I'm sure we'll stumble upon something."

"Come to think of it, that's how we've fixed most of our problems," Ron said.

"No, that's how _you_ fixed your problems. _I_ was in the library!"

"Do you think there's something in the library that might help?" Harry asked.

"Perhaps, I haven't checked!" Hermione said, throwing up her hands. "In either case, off to bed with you."

"Right away," one of the house elves said, saluting before disappearing.

"I didn't mean to give you an order- I was talking to-"

The rest of them disappeared before she could finish. Harry and Ron took the opportunity to go up to the dorm.

"What did they just do?" he asked. "I knew about portkeys and such-"

"Oh, they were just Apparating. Elves can do that, apparently."

"I know I've heard the term before. Is that where you can just go anywhere in the world on the spot?"

"There are loads of regulations on it," Ron explained, sitting down on a bed. "It's not easy, either. They make you wait until sixth year before you can even start learning about it. I've heard if you muck it up you can put yourself in St Mungo's." Harry went ahead and assumed that was either a hospital or an asylum.

"Why don't people do it all the time, though? Wait a minute- last year Snape said you can't apparate on Hogwarts grounds." Ron nodded.

"Must be some curse in the way. Can't really get in by the floo either; the most you can do is call, I think. I reckon the idea is that the train is the only way in, only way out, so we don't have students getting lost or running off. No idea why the house elves can do it."

"What about Hogsmeade?"

"Well, that's third year and up. We're not really just going to disappear."

"Aren't we?" he asked, hatching a plan.

"Not thinking of taking a trip down to London, are you?"

"It'll be a Hogsmeade weekend, sometime we could expect not to be seen-" He started pacing back and forth. "I don't have all the specifics yet, but if we could get to the regular part of the city, we'll be in a gold mine."

The smile on Ron's face shined brightly enough it could have been seen from the Astronomy Tower.

"Count me in."


	13. The Expedition

Harry knew they could not do anything with muggle girls. That did not, however, mean they could not get with their friends. According to Ron's dad, there were a substantial amount of young wizards and witches who were basically home schooled, and the largest amount of them lived in London, going to regular schools with muggles. They planned on some minor Statute of Secrecy violations, but no actual spellcasting. There was a piece of an old broom he could command to rise or fall based on the magical charge with in it.

"It's a simple trick, but it should get us noticed," he said as they walked out to Hogsmeade after classes were over. Technically they were not meant to be there, but no one needed to know about the secret passages.

"I don't think this'll set off the Trace, but it'll be right under the Ministry's nose," Ron said, harboring some doubts.

"The Trace?" he asked. They were getting to the end of the passage to Honeydukes.

"It's basically what monitors the underage magic. I reckon there's some charm tied to the talking map."

"Talking map?" Harry was stalling, but he really had no idea.

"Yeah, it's like this map of the Isles in the third level of the Ministry. Every time one of us uses magic it yells your name, the area, and what spell you used. It gets the spell wrong sometimes, and you probably already know it gets the name wrong sometimes, but they've got no reason to fix it."

"Huh," he said. "That sounds like a howler. It also sort of sounds like the spell you used on me. Does everything in the wizarding world have to shout things out loud?"

"Don't ask me how it works mate; I really haven't a clue. Dad told us about it a long time ago; said nothing flies under the radar."

"We should be fine with just levitating a piece of an old, broken broom, though," he said. "Otherwise how else would we practice flying?"

"Yeah, I guess. Won't it just be the muggles who'd notice, though?"

"I've got an idea of _exactly_ the kind of girls who are going to notice."

They arrived in London after a Floo to a local business that most likely would have no idea who they were, as they only sold liability insurance for hippogryffs and manticores. From there it was a short walk to one of the street exits to the muggle world, though they avoided the Leaky Cauldron, since some of the regulars had recognized him the last time he went there. _'Bartenders make a business out of remembering people's faces,'_ he thought to himself.

Ron thought it would be better to find an all-girls school, but Harry said that would take too much time, until they found one, and the point became moot. They started tossing the piece of wood back and forth, levitating it to make it fly through the air weirdly. There were some passing stares, but nothing more. Having never really been in London just to walk around, he had never seen before the way that everyone just seemed to be busy and disinterested. Everyone seemed to see them, but no one seemed to notice.

When the school let out, there were quite a few girls watching them until they caught sight of one with her mouth hanging open.

"Put that away!" she whispered to Harry as she walked up to him. She was a somewhat tall redhead with brown eyes. "You're not supposed to be doing that!" Her friend came over to join her next to him.

"Are they doing that thing? Is this what it looks like?"

"Yes, we just have to get them to stop-"

"We can stop if we go back to your place," Harry suggested.

"That's out of the question!" the strange girl said, her cheeks going as red as her hair. Her friend looked a little different, but her accent was the same, so he guessed they grew up together. "This is totally against the rules."

"Well, what are you going to do about it? Cast a spell on me?"

"No, but I intend to report you."

It seemed the other girls, probably muggles, who had been watching, noticed the two standing next to him.

"Nice try, Anabel, you can't have them all to yourself!" one called out. Harry had the urge to shake his head, but he resisted it.

"Well, looks like it's you or any one of them," he said. "Well, two, really, my friend Charlie over there hasn't had a proper roll in the hay since summer. Who knows what kind of tricks we'll show them?"

"You cannot be serious. For the record, I could have the Aurors over here in record time before you can say 'Quidditch'," she threatened. _Is that a common expression?_

"Okay, why don't you, then?" he asked. It seemed like she would have already if she had a wand on her, but since she hardly needed it in a muggle school, and it could be discovered in her clothes or something, she probably had left it at home.

"Anabel, we should just take them home. The other girls will think they're taken and-"

"No!"

He looked to see why the bit of broom had not been thrown back in his direction and it appeared Ron was doing tricks with it.

"Fine! Nothing's going to happen!"

The girls led the way as Harry let his friend caught up with him.

"Figured they might need a bit more convincing."

"That's about how it was. They're... er, not convinced yet. We should really start putting the moves on them." He tried to think about whether something was against the rules or not. "Do you two want to go out for drinks?" he asked.

"That's not legal!" the redhead objected.

"You'd be surprised what's legal when the Aurors aren't around," Ron said. He looked like he had something in mind.

"Well, when they get here, you'll be sorry."

"Right, because I'm a dark wizard."

"A what?" she asked.

"It's basically what I reckoned," he said, looking back over to Harry, who only nodded.

"What?" Anabel asked again.

"I'm only sorry I didn't notice it sooner," Harry said. _'I really wish I knew what I am supposed to have noticed,'_ he thought.

"Yeah, that could've saved us a lot of trouble. Even better, we could be going back with someone who actually looks good naked."

"How dare you," Anabel's friend accused, though there was something of a smile in her eyes. _'She must be the clever one,'_ he thought. _'She's already figured out what's going on.'_

They got to the room where the two girls lived and no sooner were the pair of them invited in than the red head insist on knowing what it was they realized. Harry had been sort of taking point thus far, so it was interesting to see Ron carry the Quaffle, but he was going to have no idea what to do when he had it again, unless things started clearing up quickly.

"Well, we haven't even introduced ourselves. We know you're Anabel, so I'm Charlie and this is Barny." Harry made a mental note to ask him how he came up with the name later. "Who might your alluring friend be?"

"I'm Mariana. Most of my family is from the Spanish Sahara."

"They don't call it that anymore." She shrugged.

"They did when we left. It's a joke among our family and friends that that's when everything started going downhill."

Anabel looked ready to cast some version of the Patronus Charm that was based on anger.

"WHAT DID YOU NOTICE?" she shouted.

"Oh, that," Harry said. "Ron's better at putting things delicately than I am."

"No, you are. Do you remember how you told Pansy that she looked just fine, nothing wrong at all-"

"That's not putting things delicately, that's lying," Mariana said. "There's a difference. For the record, lying is perfectly tolerable and expected when it's about a girl's appearance, assuming she's past the point of going and fixing it."

"Oh, well, we're past quite a lot of points over this way," Ron said, looking around the apartment as if he could not care less about the conversation. It was a simple setup, but it looked quite comfortable. There was even a pet snake in a plastic cage. Harry had heard somewhere that these tactics of disinterest did not _really_ work on girls, because they were mostly not so thick they could not see through them, but he supposed he was staring at the exception.

"If you tell me what it is, I'll take off my jumper," Anabel offered. Her friend only rolled her eyes.

"This is how she gets her way most of the time, taking off clothes."

"It is not-"

"Does the offer stand then?" Ron asked. "Don't suppose there's anything we could tell you to have you out of yours."

Mariana shook her head.

"I don't do exchanges. You'll have to show me something impressive first."

Harry started to levitate.

"Does this qualify?" he asked.

"Stop that this instant!" Anabel insisted. "That's totally against the Statute of Secrecy."

"The what?" Neither wizard was paying attention, as Mariana was taking off her jumper to reveal the top of her uniform, not exactly an interesting prize, but the game was afoot.

"You can't cast spells outside of Hogwarts."

"Hmm, now that you mention it, she's right," Mariana said. "You're really not supposed to be doing magic anywhere else. Do you always flirt with the rules like this?"

"Yeah, and it's also how we flirt with girls," Ron said. He seemed to be taking Harry's sudden levitation in stride, probably having figured out the trick. "Thing is, the law's really about casting spells in front of muggles, which you're not, so it's not really that important. Not to us, anyway."

"I wonder what you'll take off if we show you another trick," he said, thinking of something that would probably not set off the Trace map.

"We've seen it all before," Anabel said. "We know what magic is."

"Well, yes, but we don't normally get to see bad boys breaking rules, do we?" Mariana responded. "Let's see this trick," she said.

He walked over to the pet snake and asked it to get on his arm, and it obliged him, slithering right up. _'Weird,'_ he thought. _'I never knew that just being able to talk to them meant they felt obligated to listen to me.'_

Anabel looked ready to scream, but Mariana only clapped as he commanded the snake to crawl all over him before putting it back.

 _"Thankssss,_ " he said.

_"Don't mention it. It's clear enough to me what you're trying to do here. I'll be honest, I really think she needs it."_

_"I'll keep that in mind."_ Harry looked over to the girls, whose expressions ranged from shocked to quite satisfied.

"I never knew you were such a snake charmer," Mariana said. "Perhaps you'd like to see what I can do." She started taking off clothes even as her friend advised that as her promise had been really open-ended, if it could be called a promise at all, she could take off any given thing and call it a day- a week even, better yet- don't take anything off for another fortnight-

"Oh, hush up, you," she said, revealing her breasts of a deep brown. All at once they were in Harry's hands and his lips were on hers.

"This is quite a bit further than what was intended," Anabel said, face going red. "I can't conscionably stand by and watch this provocative display go on-"

"Without joining in, you mean?" Ron asked.

"I'll ignore that. Mariana, is there any chance he's hurting you? Is there any way of interpreting this to where you are not completely satisfied?" she asked, being ignored. "It's not too late, you know." Harry ignored her as he started to get out of his own clothes. He felt confident enough in his abilities that he did not need to lead her to the bed, and could tell she was excited for the experience. Quite comfortable as she pulled his shirt over his head, he guessed she had done it at least once before.

After playing with her a moment and putting his mouth on her breasts, he lowered her onto his cock and felt as much as heard a pleasant sigh escape her lips.

"It's been so long..." she mused as he put his arms around her and started moving. He had every right to focus on what he was doing, but could not help but notice Anabel removing her skirt to play with herself. It was clear enough she had been holding it in. _'Well, Ron should see to that right away,'_ he thought. Pumping gently at first, but then picking up speed, he felt her body constrict around him. Her first orgasm she rode out while holding onto him, though she started moving for her second, which made him focus more on what was happening on the bed, because he knew if he were not focusing on moving, he would start to feel it more.

Ron had the girl bent over the bed with a single leg on top of it; her shirt had not come off, but that was hardly necessary to fondle her arse as he fucked her. In mere moments she made an odd sort of noise and Harry quietly supposed most girls sounded differently. When Mariana rode herself to a second orgasm, she could not help but look over herself. _'Better take the opportunity for a swig of potion,'_ he thought.

"I'll have what she's having," she said in a husky voice as Anabel came again from the same position.

"Yeah, I've heard he's all right."

"I'll bet you've heard a lot of girls attest to that," Mariana said as she sauntered over. Anabel did not have the chance to turn around before he was inside of her, though she welcomed the chance of a third round. Picking up both her legs as he fucked her, she held onto the covers as if for dear life until she came again. When he released her she rolled over to see they had swapped partners, but he guessed enough of her had suspected that not to be surprised. They gave Ron a few minutes to finish up with the other girl, who was enjoying herself, if not as loudly as her friend. _'Damn, I didn't think of that,'_ he realized. _'Ron didn't get any potion, so this is his third run in a row.'_ Almost immediately after she came he pulled out and went off all over her, though that made her smile.

"You want to tell me what it was you figured out about us?" Anabel asked, lying on her back looking up.

"Yeah," Ron said, not taking the chance to joke or anything. "I figured out you were squibs. You don't really call Aurors for underage magic. They're too busy looking for dark wizards."

"That's what I thought," Harry said, trying to take it in stride. "It seemed like you knew some things about the wizarding world, but not really enough to get by. Are you set on living in the muggle world?" he asked.

Anabel only shrugged.

"Well, it's probably better than the alternative," Mariana said. "Obviously, we don't have to compare ourselves to everyone else. We don't have to get pitying looks." She looked between the wizards. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"We know a squib at Hogwarts and he's a right old bastard," Ron muttered. "Probably couldn't treat you badly if we wanted-" He shook his head a bit. "Sometimes I wish he fucked off to the muggle world, but I guess he'd just be your problem if he did."

Mariana laughed a little. She looked over at Anabel, who had not moved.

"Both of us were given basically the same choice. We could either live in the muggle world, or we could marry well."

"What?" Harry asked.

"We're both from old families," she continued. "It's been proven time and time again that the children of a squib are just as likely to be magical as the children of any other witch or wizard. There were a few families who were ready to draw up marriage contracts by the time I was seven."

"Marriage contracts? Those are real?"

She only nodded, so Ron gave him an explanation.

"Most of us think it's mad," he prefaced. "I reckon they would have thought they were doing you a favor," he said.

"I don't know what they thought," Mariana said. "When I came here, I met Anabel. She had a similar story, though she was older when the contract was proposed. To hear her tell it, she went right up to her suitor's father and said she would absolutely not be using her body to get ahead, or to please any wizard. I always respected her for that conviction, but I felt like she could gain by seeing a different side of things. It's not a bad thing to please wizards, and it's not a bad thing that they have more power than you. You can't see everything in terms of power."

Harry, against everything that would normally seem appropriate for the situation, was reminded of Voldemort.

_"There is no good or evil. There is only power, and those too weak to seek it."_

"I mean I guess you could try dating muggle blokes, but then there's a near certainty your children will be able to do magic," Ron said. "Then it'd make no sense not to introduce him to your family and the whole rest of the world, since he'd know about it anyway." The squib nodded.

"It's true. We were kind of at a loss for a while, but there's this blind girl in our year who hasn't got a problem with the fact that her boyfriend in Manchester can see properly. She said it'd be a real pain if she didn't have someone who could see."

Harry quietly supposed that squibs really would see themselves as being disabled, since all their family members were infinitely more capable than they were. Even though they could definitely do more than a normal blind girl, it made sense for them to relate to her. By contrast, he had grown up with no idea that he could do magic, and it was probably the best day of his life when he found out that he could leave the Dursley residence and fly around on a broomstick.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't treat you any differently," he said, having had no idea that they were squibs. He and Ron eventually got dressed and walked off, going back to the magical part of London and back to the village basically the way they had came. It was too long of a trip for two girls, he supposed, but it seemed important in the sense that he knew he could at least try to get with total strangers. When they arrived back at the school, it was after hours, but they had planned for that. The two of them could fit under the cloak if they were only walking, and they kept an eye out for teachers.

"Can't go back to London," Ron said, strategizing. "I reckon we took the fastest possible way of getting there, and it was still too long."

"I was thinking the same thing," Harry whispered back. "With the potion, we can do more than one or two witches a day." He paused. "You're sure squibs count?"

"I'd cast the spell on you, but I don't want to attract any notice."

"You should really figure out how to cast it properly," he said. "Malfoy's going to think we came up with our own variant or something-"

"I've been busy. There's an enchantment you can put on a ring or something that keeps you from going off. It's really complicated."

"Well, I stand corrected," Harry observed. _'I need to be reading up on something myself,'_ he thought. _'I learned about that charm to keep me hard, but the enchantment might cover that as well.'_

They walked up a stairwell, but found someone was standing in front of them. In the darkness it was hard to tell who it was, but they decided to stay put anyway.

"I see you're going to do this the hard way. _Immobulus._ " All at once he and Ron were frozen in place. "Regards from the future. Cressida Selwyn, Time Cop."


	14. The Time Patrol

"What?" Harry asked as soon as he was not frozen. He and Ron were in a spare classroom, separated from their wands. "What the hell is a time cop?"

"It's exactly what it sounds like. I came here to arrest you for changing the time stream."

"Well, how d'you expect to do that?" Ron asked. "Wouldn't you be from a different-"

"It doesn't work that way. I'm not explaining how it works, but it doesn't work that way."

"I'll bet you just don't know-"

" _Silencio._ There. Potter, there is something wrong about this timeline. Whenever we're on patrol in any time where you're alive, it usually has something to do with you, so that's what I'm investigating. What's wrong with this picture?"

"How would I know?" he asked. "It'd be bloody brilliant if I knew what was supposed to happen this year-"

"Try and draw from past experience." He thought for a moment.

"No one's trying to kill me, I guess. Wait, what if I just haven't put it together yet? How do I know that's what it is-"

"Harry, you were supposed to be entered into the Triwizard Tournament."

"Bloody ridiculous," he said. "I'm not allowed to participate in-"

"I know that. I can't tell you who entered you, but-"

"Voldemort?"

"No-"

"Some sort of Death Eater?"

" _Silencio._ The fact that you were not entered has disrupted the time stream. There were a ton of future events riding on your entry." She looked at them as though she expected them to say something. " _Finite Incantatio._ "

"Well, I don't particularly want to enter the Tournament, so I would prefer to see where this timeline ends up."

"That's against the law."

"What law?" Ron asked. "The Ministry doesn't concern itself with the time stream. We're not under any law-"

"I'm under a certain set of laws that do not permit substantial changes to the timeline. When there is a change, we can no longer predict what will happen next-"

"What's the point of predicting anything if you're not going to change it?" Ron asked.

" _Silencio._ At any point that I should find a major alteration, I have to enter the timestream myself, and fix it. Potter, when do your enemies usually try to kill you?" She looked at him, but he said nothing. "I'm quite positive that I canceled both of your silencing charms, mistake though it might have been." He remained silent. "What do I need to do to ensure your cooperation?"

"You can stop slinging out silencing spells whenever you feel like it, for one," Harry said. "Give us back our wands. We've no reason to attack you, except for anything you might do going forward." He paused. "Do you have any intention of doing something that would make us want to attack you?"

Cressida did not seem to have an answer to the question. Instead she rolled her eyes.

"I do not intend to permit either of you to distract from the point," she said, removing Ron's silencing spell as something of a compromise.

"Well, you're what, eighteen? How much authority do you really have?" he asked as soon as he could speak.

"In the future we all use appearance changing charms-"

"I don't believe you. You don't talk like an older bird-"

"I wouldn't expect to talk like a witch born in the nineteen forties or fifties-"

"Can we please talk about something else?" Harry asked. "Okay, suppose everything is exactly like you say it is. Why would that be a bad thing?"

"We can't say whether it will be a bad thing for you or not, Potter. We know for certain that our ability to govern the past will be for nothing if we can't keep a consistent time stream."

"Then we have no obligation to help you. The fact that I don't have a problem is your problem."

There was a brief moment of silence.

"Well, it looks like I have to provide you with some incentive."

"Okay, how is it that you travel through time?" Harry asked. "Are you using a time turner?"

"You're not supposed to know about those- and no, there is a spell for going back as far as we like. It turns an everyday object into a portal, linking two times."

"It's like a portkey, then," Ron speculated. "It doesn't work after you've used it once, then?" Cressida nodded.

"There is a more permanent way of enchanting an artifact, but it takes years of study to learn, and they're strictly forbidden for new hires-"

"I knew you were only-" The time cop only glared, looking annoyed at the fact that they would not cooperate if she simply silenced them.

"I need your help," she admitted, laying her cards on the table. "If we at least make things look like they're patched up, Eliezer Gamp will get off my arse about this region of the time stream."

"What would we have to do?" Harry asked. It was hard to guess at how he would help her if he had no idea what had changed. _'It has something to do with someone trying to kill me,'_ he thought. _'I guess we could look into the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.'_

"I can't reveal the full implications of that. I just have to know that if I ask either of you to help me, you'll do it."

"That seems pretty open ended," Ron said. "I'd have to at least get you in bed for that."

"Same," Harry said. "Come on, we're not going to tell anyone we ran into a time cop, why would we tell anyone we had a little fun?" Cressida rolled her eyes.

"Very well. You may come to my living space in the future for twenty minutes, no more than that." She looked back and forth between them. "And do it one at a time, will you?"

She magically untied them as she readied the portal, giving them the chance to drink their potions, which she found off-putting.

"In the future we are charmed for that sort of thing at birth," she said. "We don't have biological issues anymore."

"That's pretty cool," Harry said, stepping through the portal. The were in a small, but very different-looking dwelling. Weird polygons were painted all over the walls, and there was not much furniture.

"I'll go first," Ron said. _'He must have some sort of plan,'_ Harry thought. _'If we don't, we're probably going to get stuck in the same place we were before, and there will be someone trying to kill me again.'_ He guessed he could believe it out of Alastor Moody, though it seemed more likely he would be killed by an accidental killing curse when the seemingly mad teacher made them practice them at the end of the year.

He chose not to watch as his friend worked, instead looking out the window and seeing that they were in a thoroughly remodeled Diagon Alley. _'This place looked like it hadn't changed since the eighteenth century. How far in the future are we?'_

Getting out of his clothes and leaving his wand and cloak on top of them, he took his turn as Ron got up from the bed, the witch still breathing heavily. He ran a hand over her arse as she asked in a husky voice if he'd like to take her there, as she'd enjoy it... deeply. Remembering her line about biological inconveniences, he found he went straight into the hole without a trace of discomfort and started to pump as he massaged her breasts with his hands. He let her know her arse felt good as it gripped his cock and she responded only by squeezing his hand, encouraging him to continue.

"...fuck..." she breathed, holding him against her from behind even more tightly as she felt her first orgasm. She nodded as he started to pull out and go to the other hole for the second, starting to lose himself in the excitement. Harry could feel himself going faster and faster as the witch's body warmed up and her breathing started to grow short again. _'Yeah, I think I'll help her with whatever she wants,'_ he heard himself thinking. Cressida wrapped herself around him as she came again, her legs shaking as he nearly went off inside of her. When she released him, it was not a moment too soon.

"You say you've got all the biological inconveniences taken care of?" he asked. She only nodded in her post-orgasmic bliss. "Any idea what to do about going soft right after?" She raised an eyebrow.

"How is that an issue?"

"Well, it's only since I've been a bit better that I've gone soft after. I used to start to, I don't know, lose hardness in the middle of things."

"Are you under a lot of stress or something?" she asked.

"Not enough, apparently," he muttered.

"Look, I'm sorry about how we have to give you problems like this. The thing of it is, Granger and I have a... bit of a competition going, and we're seeing if we can curry more favor with the boss before the end of the year."

"What?" he asked. "Granger?"

"Oh, you would recognize that name. She's another time cop trying to get with the captain, but we both know you have to get on his good side before he even thinks of asking you out. He's a very... deliberate, selective wizard."

"Is anyone I know still alive?"

"I can't tell you that. Then you'll know whether or not they live through the next- oh, never mind. I should really be getting you back to your own time." She looked around the room. "Where's Weasley?"

"I dunno, he must've stepped out. Smart, really, since he doesn't want to watch and doesn't need to get in after me." Getting up, he saw his wand on top of his clothes, but no cloak. _'Well, that explains how he got out the door,'_ he thought to himself. _'I hope he's got somewhere he's going with this.'_ He looked back over to Cressida. "You know what, he'll be back, why don't you tell me about Granger?"

"I can't. If I told you about her ancestry, you would know how her parents and grandparents-"

"Well, I only know one Granger, but she's a girl, so- wait, doesn't that mean Hermione survives?"

"She survives, yes, and there was a divorce. The short version is that she and her husband just weren't meant for each other, much to the disappointment of their adoring fans." That idea gave him pause, because he never thought his friend was the type for fanfare. _'Maybe she becomes famous in the future for inventing new spells or something,'_ he supposed.

"What about this boss of yours, then?"

"Oh, I really can't tell you about him. He's got quite the pedigree, but he never lets it get to him; he's very humble and a strong leader. He's also quite handsome. All the ladies in the department have an eye on him." Harry decided he had enough information to conclude that the witch lying next to him was after something more permanent than he was, and he wished her nothing but the best in that regard.

"So, to get him to notice you, you're having a competition with Granger?" he asked. "You're competing to see who can be the better time cop?"

"Well, yes, but it's not fair, because her grandmother is always giving her advantages. Spells, information- it gets annoying after a while. You can start to see why I'm willing to do most anything to beat her."

"Almost?" he asked.

"Well, not anything. I'll bet there are plenty of things you would want me to do that I wouldn't do."

"No, we sort of covered all the bases. I'd like to do them all again tomorrow."

"You wizards are so easy to please."

"Relatively speaking, I suppose," he answered. _'Have I really become better at bantering with girls?'_ he wondered. _'It must be one of those things where if you do it enough, you'll keep getting better.'_

He was ready to go back, though he reminded himself that Cressida was capable of returning them at any time, so it was not as if they would be missing anything. _'We could even spend the night here and go back the following morning if we felt like it,'_ he observed. At the same time, it was hard to sit still and just wait for something to happen, and it seemed like a bad habit for when they did not have access to time travel.

"I think it's time we find your friend. Get your clothes on. It looks like he's already got his."

"Yes, I think he would assume we're not meant to run around starkers in this time period." The witch responded with a fake sort of forced laugh. "What, is that really not the-"

"We have laws about that sort of thing still, yes. There is no reason for that to change any time soon. Not every witch in the world thinks to herself, oh, that wizard is good in bed, he can be naked if he wants."

They walked through the strange, remodeled Diagon Alley and he could not help but wonder if something had happened to it in the past sixty years or however long it had been. He had a thought that if Hermione was a grandmother to an adult already, it would have been at least that long, if not longer. _'What would she be doing now?'_ he wondered. It seemed unreasonable to expect her to still be working, considering how old she likely was, but Dumbledore was pretty old and apparently content to remain as Headmaster, so really he could not say.

When they found Ron, he looked to be out of breath and was carrying something in a mokeskin pouch, but Harry reminded himself that the pouch's exterior was no indication of its interior. Cressida grilled him with countless questions before they departed the way they came, but never once checked inside the pouch. When at last they were alone in their own time period, walking back to the tower under the cloak, Harry asked why.

"Hermione must've charmed it or something."

"You found her?"

"Yeah. I kind of figured she'd make something out of herself, so if I checked at the Ministry, someone would at least be able to point me in the right direction. Two floos all told. I felt like there was a lot she wasn't telling me, but she said she'd give me a way to go back."

"Well, of course she wouldn't tell you anything; she doesn't want to mess up the time stream."

"I thought we were fine with messing it up?"

"Well... it'll be complicated, I guess, but just because some version of Hermione wants something-"

"Harry, I'm starting to think she might be right. She knows more about time travel in the first place."

"That was a different kind of time travel." He sighed. "I don't know much about that future. I just don't see how some life-threatening thing is necessary for us to get to a good future."

"Okay, well, at least we'll still have a handle on the situation." Ron pulled a strange hoop out of the mokeskin pouch. "If we muck it up too badly, we can still fix it. If nothing else, we can get the jump on Cressida."

"Thanks. I'll have to thank Hermione too, but-"

"That future might not exist, yeah. It's hard keeping track of all this."

They walked to Gryffindor Tower, where they slept uneasily. It seemed obvious that Cressida had known they were going to be alone when they came back after a successful run, so she chose to appear to them then. Harry could not help but wonder when she would appear next, and what she would ask of them.

When they woke up, they had to go to classes, but at least they could discuss the strategy before that. They were both going to go after Tracy, but it seemed like a poor use of time if Harry would only end up with one witch under his belt before the end of the day, especially after Malfoy came to boast about how many he had already netted. This time, they were wiser and stated a lower number than reality, though he stated no intention of slowing down. _'It's not a trick that can work forever anyway,'_ he thought. If the two of them wanted rumors of their sexual prowess to spread, eventually they would reach the ears of their rival.

"How the hell is he doing it, Harry, I've got no bloody clue!"

"I don't know either. There's no way Snape could have thirteen girls on the hook with punishments unless he intended to save them for seventh year and use them himself."

"Damn, I didn't even think of that. That might be how he got them in the first place, but he must have some sort of charm-"

"He can't use spells to change his appearance-"

"Not that sort of charm. I reckon some witches really don't find him revolting. That's probably the worst thing way this could be going down."

Harry had to agree.


	15. Overdue Library Memories

Harry and Ron had thought to pursue Tracey in a trusted manner, but that was proving difficult. She neither had divination nor anything else near the seventh floor, meaning they would have to simply get her between classes. It was unfortunate they would only get one witch that way, but in the long run it was probably a good investment, since it would mean getting Slytherins was not impossible. They had already considered the chance Malfoy would try the same thing with Gryffindor witches, but the hope was that he would have less success with that, considering he was really just a bully who valued having pure blood above else.

What was weird was that the latest from Luna said there was nothing to indicate that he had even attempted to sleep with anyone from Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, though apparently he got Marietta Edgecombe, as she had been told he would.

"Well, he's a Slytherin," Ron said. "They're not supposed to be brave, they're supposed to be sneaky and clever. I reckon he figured he couldn't get some witches, so he didn't go after them in the first place."

"Maybe it's a mistake for us to try to go after the Slytherin girls, then. Won't we look worse if we try something and then fail?"

"No, no, it'll look fake, 'cause she'll be the only one saying it. Besides, we're going to get her."

"Right," he said. "We've got to at least stay positive." Harry hoped he could convince himself.

They met her in a hallway and got her talking about heritage and family lines, which could not have bored them more, though at least the time cop did not show up and ruin things for them. Ron said at one point that he would not at all mind hexing her just to get her off their backs, and he probably already would have done something like that if he were not so concerned what she was saying about the timestream becoming unstable or something might actually be worse than whatever was supposed to be happening.

"Are either of you pure?" Tracy asked. "Never mind, I know you're not, Potter-"

"I'm a blood traitor, but I'm about as pure as they come," Ron said. "Harry's family's got a distinguished history."

"Hmm..." She actually placed a hand to her chin as she thought. It was so ostentatious it caught him off guard.

"If it helps, at all, my father owned a very old invisibility cloak that still works."

Tracy's eyes flashed.

"Do you still have it?"

"Of course."

"Mr. Potter, that's a truly ancient family heirloom. The one true Cloak of Invisibility is supposed to be a myth, though. However did your family come into possession of it? Would you happen to have married into the Peverell line?" She looked away. "Daphne's going to want some of your seed, but if I have your eldest-"

Harry was not entirely ready for children, but there was no need to tell her that. The pair of them started to lead her to the room, but she remembered she had to talk to a professor on the way there. Ron took the opportunity to tell him he had other plans.

"You've got this one mate. I don't think she's that interested in me."

"No, come too- I need some way of getting out of there if she gets all insistent about the 'seed' business."

"I think there's a charm for that-"

"I don't know it; I've been up to my neck in charms on top of everything else we have to do." He was starting to think that the current year might be the hardest he had ever tried to win the House Cup, even if it involved the least risk of life and limb. Tracy came out of the professor's office and resumed following them to the room. When they had her in the room, it seemed Ron might have had something about how she was not that interested in him, but Harry still thought they might need to pull one of their old switch-out tricks.

The witch seemed to be mostly ignoring the other wizard in the room as the two of them got into bed, finding that she was the kind of girl who preferred to be under the covers, though it was not terribly cold. As soon as she was warmed up, she wanted to be taken from the back, and Harry could feel she was a virgin. She gasped slightly as he squeezed her nipples, but after a slow entry she indicated she was ready with a high-pitched request that he continue. Putting his full length into her, he started to pump slowly, drinking in her little moans as the pleasure reached her head.

As he moved her around, Ron lined his manhood up with her head, at which point she opened her mouth, if a bit uncertainly. He started to jam it in rather roughly as Tracy felt her first orgasm. She bore it for a moment, but seemed inclined to have it out of her mouth in short order.

"Doesn't look like she likes it the way I like it." If the witch could have nodded her head, they could tell she would have. "What say we swap, Harry?"

"That'd be just swell, Ron." They gave her little enough time to express her misgivings before they swapped. Harry took the chance to relax into the blowjob as his friend fucked the witch, getting an orgasm out of her before she had one out of him. At that point, he held her head down on his cock and put his seed down her throat."

"You were not supposed to come from that," Tracy said when she regained the use of her respiratory system.

"I don't think I'm ready for fatherhood," he excused.

"Besides, this way you won't be lying when you tell Daphne you have his seed inside of you," Ron joked. The witch did not seem to find it funny.

"Well, if either of you want to know, I have not yet slept with Malfoy."

"He wouldn't have said anything about a... wager, would he?"

"A wager? No, why?"

"No reason. I'd been beginning to wonder if he'd ever sleep with anyone. I had a... bit of silver riding on it," Ron said.

"A whole sickle? Daring, aren't we?" the witch taunted. "Perhaps I'm a Slytherin, but I would at least have all the money together before placing a wager. I'm surprised the other party did not insist to see it."

"I'm surprised you don't look inbred," Harry responded. "Perhaps the Weasleys like to churn out children, but at least they're not fussy about the parents being from the three purest families."

"It seems I've made quite the indiscretion," Tracy observed, giving an annoyed sigh as she went to get her clothes.

"You wouldn't want to be the only witch in your House to make it, would you?"

"You wouldn't dare-" she started back.

"I don't think we'd have to tell anyone, Ron. I think she would just know."

"It's a shame, really, all that pride and still slurping down blood traitor come like the best of them."

"I will have your seed, Harry Potter!" the witch declared, getting dressed the rest of the way before storming out. "You had better be on the lookout."

He looked over at the Pensieve, having no doubt that every witch who had come through the room had seen it and quite possibly knew what it meant, that memories could be shown to anyone- _'Okay, some of them would have never agreed if they even suspected that,'_ he thought, trying not to let his imagination get away from him.

"That reminds me."

"What reminds you?"

"I have to get a memory back to Alicia. I said I'd do it earlier, but, er... better late than never?" He stood over by the strange magical artifact with his wand out.

"Alicia? Oh, I was beginning to wonder where you got that memory. I guess it did look like Alicia; I just wasn't expecting to see her."

"Wait, you watched it?"

"Yeah, mate. I didn't see why not. Don't tell me I wasn't supposed to."

"It's probably fine," he lied. _'Sorry, Alicia,'_ he thought.

"Wait a tick, is she single?"

"You can't be serious-"

"What, we can go after girls who are a year or two older- we're going to have to get out ahead of Malfoy somehow. I hadn't even considered your connections from Quidditch."

"Ron it's just- okay, I've known her a long time, and she's already done a lot for me. I'm feeling a bit bad about not returning this memory sooner. It's probably the worst time to ask for something like that."

It was not dark yet, so it was easy to find her out on the grounds, where she had taken to doing some homework. He had thought for a moment she would be practicing her flying, but there was some rule against flying when not part of either flying class or a sanctioned sporting event or practice.

"Hi, I kept forgetting to give this back to you," he said, handing her the memory.

"I'm sure. Did you at least find it useful."

"Definitely. I don't know if there's any way to tell how many times it's been watched, but, well, I wanted to make sure I had it right."

"I'm sure." Alicia sighed a bit, but it seemed she expected something along those lines. "Do you want to tell me why Lavender and Parvati look at you like they do?"

"I- well, I might have slept with them," he admitted. "Er, everyone else has noticed, then?"

"They're not saying anything, but yes, most of the older witches know you've started making rounds. They think they're being clever about it, but they're not." She rolled her eyes. "Well, they're being a little cleverer than you and Ron, but you don't have anything to lose."

"You can tell we've been doing that?"

"It's possible I only know because you announced some intention to sleep with witches over a week ago now, but Katie came up to me recently and asked if you had a girlfriend. Apparently you look more confident now, and you have a satisfied look about you, even now, you're doing it right now."

"Doing what?"

"You're not the least bit intimidated by me, though I can tell you've unapologetically glanced at my breasts, you did not stare, because you've seen plenty-"

"Well, that's not a bad thing, is it?" he asked. "I don't suppose I was meant to stay a virgin forever-"

"No, but I can very much tell you have become a womanizer. I knew you were capable of it, and I always thought you would refrain. I would have thought much more of you if you had."

"I don't intend to- do this sort of thing for the rest of my life," he said. "I really don't see myself that way. I don't think I'm taking advantage of anyone-"

"Is that so? Do you really intend to grow up and be monogamous when you could keep on like this well into your forties?" Alicia challenged.

"I hadn't thought of it like that," he said. "I really don't think I would keep it up that long." He hung his head a bit. "You're not going to believe this, but, it's not what I think my parents want for me."

"What?"

"I have a memory of them."

"Those are common with wills. Did you listen to them talk about your inheritance?"

"Sort of like that. My father married my mother right out of Hogwarts because they loved each other, and well, I think that's what I've always wanted."

Alicia looked touched for a moment, though he could not say exactly what it meant to her.

"Have you heard about the ball?" she asked, seemingly out of nowhere. "It's not long off."

"Oh... could you tell me about it? You might know more."

"I'm sure I do," she said. "It's an ancient tradition of the Triwizard Tournament. You have to ask someone, anyone, to the ball, and apparently since we're all teenagers, we have to take it seriously."

"We don't have to," Harry said. _'Well, she's right about how I'm not intimidated around girls,'_ he thought to himself. "I could take you, if you would like."

"I appreciate being able to take things less seriously here and there, but don't just ask me as a joke-" she started back.

"I was being serious. I wouldn't mind taking you at all." He sighed a bit. "I didn't take your advice and get a regular girlfriend, so I don't have anyone I would rather take."

"Really?" she asked. "There are three whole schools here this year-"

"I know that. I've met some of the witches from other schools, and, while I don't mind them, I wouldn't ask a stranger to go to a ball." Harry had never been to one before, but it seemed less than appropriate somehow.

"You wouldn't ask, I don't know, Hermione?"

"No, it's not like that between us," he said. "Besides, I think Krum is going to ask her, or that was the last thing I heard-"

"You don't feel jealous at all?"

"No, I don't have a thing for wizards, even if they play Quidditch. I do like witches who play, though, so I don't see why I can't ask you."

"I'll have to think about it. They've only just told us and- never mind what else."

"What? You had to have something-"

"Okay, well it's the fact that you held onto my precious memory for days and you probably showed it to-"

"I didn't show it to the whole school-" he started to object. It seemed liked a clever idea to shift her expectations, but she was not falling for it.

"Well, I'll decide if I want to take you up on your offer if and when I'm done being upset with you," Alicia decided. "If you were really serious about it, I know you won't go asking anyone else before I give you my answer."

"Of course not," he said, thinking of what kind of girl would want to be asked as a date conditional on his current date turning him down. "As far as I'm concerned, it's a date."


	16. Whatever the Opposite of Firm, Yet Gentle Is

Megan Jones was hanging out with her friends. As far as he knew, she had not been asked yet, but he had no intention of asking her to anything except a nice bedroom. _'I have to get past this,'_ Harry thought to himself. _'I have to get to where I can get girls in groups.'_

"Oh, hi, Potter," she said. It was odd, she seemed the picture of reservation, yet that was not how his friend described her at all.

"Good evening, Jones, is it? It's a wonder we don't have any other Jones's at this school." One of her friends found it funny, and he guessed she was a muggleborn. "Here you're almost more likely to see a Polonius or a Frump." He had made the second name up, not remembering where he had heard the first. One of the other witches scowled.

"How dare you," she said. "I'm a Frump on my mother's side."

He was tempted to say that she looked like frumpy on every side, but that went somewhat beyond the level of verbal abuse girls tolerated about their friends, at least when they were around. Instead he told her that Malfoy had been looking for her, and she should be at the door to the Slytherin common room the moment classes were over.

"Oh, I wanted to talk with you, as it happened," Megan said. "Would it trouble you greatly to meet me after class?"

"Not at all, Megan," he said. "I happen to finish up on the seventh floor, so-"

"I shall come up from the dungeons and we shall meet halfway," she said, implying she finished with potions or something.

With everything arranged, he went to classes. He wanted to study up on that enchantment Ron said could be put onto a ring to hedge out a worst case scenario, but he did not have the material on him, so he decided to focus on what was being presented and have his revisions out of the way by the time he got out of Divination. _'At least that class has become easier,_ ' he thought. Trelawney did not ask more of him and Ron than their attendance, and fortunately Hermione wasn't there, so they could read other books or hit on witches if they felt like it.

In Potions he managed to complete the brew as required, though Snape said nothing about that. Harry had not been expecting praise, but some sort of acknowledgement would have been nice. He remembered telling Hannah that the teacher just hated her, when that was actually the case with him. Apparently Ron had a date with her, but they would be in a location of her choice.

"Where do you think she wants to go?" he asked, curious.

"She must have some place. I'll tell you about it when I find out." Ron seemed to think for a second. "Oh, what do you think Megan wants to discuss with you? That part seemed a bit vague."

"I thought it was just something she didn't want to say in front of her friends."

"Well, you were getting to that anyway," Ron decided.

Class ended and it was not long after that until the end of the day. Harry found himself a bit annoyed that classes were as spread out as they were, since the castle was enormous, but at least the stairs were cooperative. He always seemed to get to places on time. In the remainder of his classes, through Divination, since there was nothing he felt like studying, he decided to think about his next target.

"We could try the Beauxbatons girls," he ventured at a whisper. Ron, across from him, was pouring over the material on the charm. Apparently he was pretty sure he had it right, but he had to be absolutely sure with something like this. "Merlin, I don't think you've studied anything so much in your life."

"Harry, did you ever take a look at the state of the world and think 'oh, if only it had more Weasleys'?"

"I... don't suppose-"

"No one has," he said, shaking his head. "And yet, here we all are."

"I mean, I think you're all pretty swell. I haven't really talked to some of your brothers, but-"

"Oh, no, I get it, we're all swell, just that there's a lot of us. When I first got here, the hat had to ask if I'd be the last Weasley."

Harry thought for a moment.

"Ron, I don't think it's really a bad thing that your parents wanted to have a lot of children, because, well, you're all looked after, even if you couldn't have everything you wanted." He thought for a moment longer. "I don't think there's any set limit on the amount of Weasleys in the world. I'd be pleased if there would have been even more of you, so I might've met one before coming here."

"That's really touching, mate." He could not tell whether or not his friend was leading up to a joke.

"If you do have kids, just make sure they don't turn out like Percy."

Ron's choked laughter did not escape the notice of Lavender and Parvati, who looked somewhere between confused and concerned. Harry remembered the rest of the class had no idea they were not actually doing any work, and probably thought they had seen something in the crystal ball that was spectacularly funny. He shrugged, acting like he did not get whatever joke there was.

They let themselves out of class a few minutes early.

Harry found Megan precisely where he expected her.

"You had something to tell me, then?" he prompted.

"I do. Would it be preferable to walk as we talk?"

"Of course. I know a place where no one can hear us."

"Oh, I do not think that will be necessary for this little matter," the witch said as she started walking off with him. "Yet I am grateful."

Harry could not quite figure out what it was with this girl, but at least it was easy to talk to her. He took her politeness as genuine, remembering he was probably not supposed to know anything from Ron, or at least he was supposed to act like he did not know anything. _'Really I almost rather I didn't,'_ he thought to himself. In the past few days he had almost entirely gotten over the awkwardness of talking about that sort of thing with his friend, but he still did not like the idea of it.

"I thought I should mention that Fleur Delacour is available for the ball," Megan said. "Have you any intention to ask her?"

"No," he answered honestly. "I don't rightly know her."

"Interesting," she said. "How many witches do you rightly know?"

"It should be around ten at this point, but I am afraid giving their names would be improper,"

"Of course," she opined. They were almost to the seventh floor. "Would you be interested in getting to know more witches?"

"Always," he said. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Megan," he said.

"Oh, already we are using first names?"

"I find I can be quite intimate when I mean to," he said, opening the door with the same train of thought he always used. The witch seemed impressed enough with the room as he invited her, though she was starting to get a bit red around the cheeks. _'It's getting to her now,_ ' he thought.

"Why, I am almost under the impression you brought me here for the express purpose of-" Picking her up around the knees and catching her as she lost her balance, he swung her over to the bed and tossed her on it, desperately hoping that Ron had not taken a particularly good opportunity to prank him. He crawled on top of the witch before she even stopped bouncing and heard what he could have sworn was a growl as he kissed her. She pressed her body against him and he ripped open her shirt, watching her eyes darken as he handled her roughly. Their robes were mostly out of the way as they rolled about on the bed, practically wrestling as he rolled her over, finding she was already dripping wet. Holding her wrists against the headboard, he penetrated her and felt her push back onto him almost immediately.

"Fuck me, Harry," she begged, making him even harder than he was before. He loved how into it she was; it was better than he realized. Containing himself as he thrusted, the witch was giving as good as she was getting, running her nails down his back. If the pain was meant to distract him, it worked, but he found himself enjoying it as much as the warm embrace he was feeling through his manhood. Her orgasm shook her as she held onto him, not done with the experience by any means. In a moment of coherence she begged to be struck, and it was a bit harder for him to do that, but some lightning-quick thought told him that she could be healed up like it was nothing if he really did hurt her, so he brought his hand against her face about as hard as seemed necessary, and she moaned again. Keeping the pressure on, she surprised him by grabbing his nipples as she started a second orgasm.

They collapsed and fell apart as soon as the moment passed, though the witch's legs were shaking a little. It was almost certainly the most Harry had ever satisfied a girl, and he felt all right himself, but it was definitely on the far end of the amount of stress and challenge in something that was meant to be fun. _'This kind of thing would be good on occasion,'_ he thought. _'Maybe I could keep her address or something.'_

"That was quite wonderful, Harry," Megan said. "You really are quite the gentleman, and I must express my gratitude."

"Oh, you sounded plenty grateful," he responded, almost too tired to keep up with the polite dialogue. "I don't believe I could keep you from expressing yourself if I tried-"

"Indeed," the witch said, crawling on top of him and pushing his cock down her throat. Having not expected it, he felt quite the jolt and had to adjust his glasses as the witch rewarded him, though her manner was something like a dementor trying to suck out his soul. As he managed to relax and feel the girl's tongue and throat massage him, he had no doubt it would count as a happy memory. Right as he was about to go off, however, she withdrew.

"That wasn't very polite," he said as soon as he could form words. It was more surprising than anything else.

"It appears you have forgotten to ask me to the ball," Megan clarified. "In my confusion, I forgot to finish my ministration," she said, the glint of a smile in her eye.

"Very well," he said, getting up. "I shall tell you when I remember, though I should like to know in advance what form your revenge will take, assuming I arrive five minutes late." He tossed her clothes on the bed. Acting like it was an act of revenge instead of a playful invitation to ask her to the ball was less than honest, but it gave him an easy way out of an awkward conversation.

In mere moments he was dressed and walking off, since he had not taken off all that much in the first place. There were no secret passages around, so he headed for Trelawney's classroom. To his surprise, the teacher was in there.

"Mr. Potter-" she began, startled.

"None other," he said, not quite having stepped out of the dialogue. "You predicted that I would be here, of course." He did not wait for her confirmation. "Then you should be aware of how displeased I would be if we knew nothing more about our colleague, Professor Snape."

The Divination teacher responded with an uneasy stare.

"Perhaps you should have a seat."


	17. A Pair of Punji Pits

Harry was almost concerned that no progress had been made, meaning he would have to think of some more stupid lines from Trelawney's worst nightmare to motivate her to find out, but as she started to explain, his concerns shifted.

"Have you ever heard of an aging potion?"

"I have." Ron's brothers had tried to use an aging potion to get past the ring around the Goblet of Fire.

"Mr. Malfoy appears to have been using them on younger students."

"That's sick!" he objected, not quite able to stop himself.

"For what little I expect it is worth, he raises them to his age before asking them-"

"You can't really do that though. You can't really just become older like that." There was no way that mental maturity could be influenced by potions, at least not to his admittedly limited knowledge. At the very least, students would be taking them all the time for exams. "That explains how he gets so many."

"Several were his own age-" the teacher started, though he ignored her. "At any rate, for you to replicate-"

"I'm not doing the same thing he did," Harry insisted. "If I stop him from doing it, though-" He thought for a moment. The obvious thing to do would be to sabotage the potion, but his enemy would not be drinking it himself. "I don't care what we have to do. Effective immediately, that's out of bounds. Can't you threaten to expel him or something?"

"I... how would I explain my position?"

"Tell him one of the girls came to you and told her what he's been doing." Even if there were some reason Dumbledore or the Ministry wanted Malfoy to stay in school, there was really nothing they could do if he had been up to things that would put an adult in Azkaban. "If you get any idea he's still doing it, go straight to Dumbledore and tell him what you told me, or I'll have to make it ten times worse for you," he threatened.

"Ten times?" Her expression was aghast, perhaps imagining the horror he would visit upon her chances of keeping a teaching career, though he had not hammered out the specifics himself.

"If you don't hurry, it'll be eleven," he decided, nodding his head resolutely. "That's when we break out the lactation potions."

Harry was only about ninety percent sure lactation potions existed, but apparently the threat of their use, presumably in some terrifying context, was more than enough to motivate the Divination teacher.

Leaving the issue, he returned to the dormitory and went to sleep. _'The Prefects must be busy because of the tournament or something,'_ he speculated as he wondered why he had not been given detention for being out after hours as many times as he had. Whatever it was, though, it could wait until morning.

He had a dream about Malfoy having sex with Ginny, which disgusted him. Perhaps she was only a year younger, but she had always been Ron's sister. When he woke up he dismissed it as ridiculous, because even if she were older, she would never agree to sleep with such a prat. Harry decided to go down to breakfast, where most problems could be solved if one only had the proper frame of mind, as Ron said.

"Hello, Harry," Hermione said when he arrived.

"Don't 'hello, Harry' me, you've been up to something. I haven't seen you outside of class in at least three days," he accused, joking.

"As a matter of fact, I have been up to something. Viktor has asked me if I would go to the ball with him, and I said yes on the condition that he joins the Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare." He remembered he had used the school's servants as an alibi the last time she had him in the doghouse over his disappearances.

"Oh, well, what's that?"

"I'm glad you asked. We're going to educate the elves on the merits of freedom."

"Educate them?"

"Yes, we brought a guest teacher by the name of Dobby."

"I thought he came to work for Hogwarts after he was freed."

"Yes, but he can leave any time he likes it and he is paid for his work. Do you have time to join us as well?" she asked, looking hopeful.

Harry thought about it. He knew he would rather have the choice of where he worked, though he had not given a thought about where that might be after Hogwarts. _'This whole time I've been more worried about Voldemort than getting a job,'_ he thought. It did not sound very interesting to get stuck working in the Ministry, even if they did have Aurors, which seemed cool.

"I'll have to think about it," he said. "I used to have to do all the chores for my aunt and uncle, so I guess that's why I sympathized with Dobby."

He went to class, trying to think about strategy, but he was out of ideas at the moment and Hermione was more successful than she likely knew in getting him to think about joining her. It seemed like a better thing to do than try to sleep with as many witches as possible. What had him on the fence was the fact that Ron said they liked the work, and did not see it as slavery. Between all the talk about sex and revenge against Malfoy, he would have to have that discussion at some point.

"Mr. Potter, may I ask what you are reading?" Professor Flitwick asked.

"Oh, sorry, sir, I sometimes just, er- get lost in thought about something and I can't let it rest until I look into it."

"Very well, then, carry on. I should add that your charmwork has improved markedly. Perhaps another year without an adventure is in order?"

Several students laughed.

"I don't know, sir, what if the real adventure was finding a reason to open a book?" he asked, not looking up from the text on keeping his manhood erect. The magical theory was a little complicated, since what he wanted seemed complicated when he thought about it, but he guessed it was better than resorting to transfiguration. That had potentially nasty consequences, and if it did work it seemed like cheating.

Though Malfoy had crossed a sort of informal line by using aging potions on younger witches, he had no particular desire to cheat on his own part. He had become engrossed in the challenge of it, and he really wanted to win legitimately. It was almost laughable how he and Ron had thought it would be necessary to expose their opponent in order to win. He saw his friend at lunch, where he was eating with the Patil twins.

"We were just looking for you, Harry," Parvati said. "There's someone we want the two of you to meet."

"It's a golden opportunity," Ron said. "These Beauxbatons girls apparently will set up a night with most anyone who wants it."

"Do we know if Malfoy has hit them yet?" he asked.

"No," Padma said. "I talked to Luna, since I learned she was in on your plan, and apparently he is growing his whispered rapport to have a better chance with the less familiar witches later."

It somewhat bothered Harry that his enemy was trying something similar, getting the witches themselves to tell each other about him.

"Well, we'll already be started with them," he decided. "There were some Durmstrang- students who enjoyed our company already," he said, narrowly avoiding saying 'sluts', even though that was basically what they called themselves.

"Do you know anything about them?" Ron asked.

"Why not go in as you are?" Parvati asked. "Surely it won't be a challenge for the great Potter and his best mate-"

"We need to at least know their names," Harry said. It would be convenient to know all the things they liked to do, since he had been able to show Megan a particularly good time with a bit of advice from Ron, but he guessed they could probably pull through either way. _'They want us to prove ourselves,'_ he thought. _'If we're actually just incredible seducers, they won't have lost much if anyone finds out they slept with us.'_

"They're Catrinette and Nanon; I've heard Nanon is the tall one. If you ask for them, I can promise you will not need their surnames," Padma said. "During the day, they basically have their own carriage."

"They don't go to class?" he asked. It had not occurred to him to ask how the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students were getting educated while away from home. He had seen a few of them in the school here and there, but he felt he could presume they were just there on tournament business, unless they were getting a few books from the library. It seemed unlikely they had brought their own with them, though he guessed they could have.

"You'll have to ask them about that," Parvati said. "I've seen a few of them in abandoned classrooms every so often." Harry had not noticed the same, but could probably take her word for it.

The plan was settled.

Right as Divination let out, he and Ron set out for the grounds, where they could see the carriages. The horses that had pulled them could have been running free, as he could not see them anywhere. There was a girl about his age standing around outside one of the vehicles, reading a little book.

"Excuse us," he said. "Would you happen to know where to find Catrinette and Nanon?" It looked like she was having difficulty answering his question at first, but she pointed to another carriage with an odd sort of look in her eye.

"Don't think she speaks English, mate," Ron ventured. "Must've recognized the names and figured we were out here for the same reason as everyone else."

"What if they don't speak English?" he asked suddenly, kicking himself for not having considered it. "How are we going to charm them?"

"Wouldn't worry about it, mate, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. 's not like we can sort out which ones are bi-lingual and just go for those." Ron was right. They were hardly losing any time, and if they got nothing from the venture, they could easily claim that they had not been attempting to sleep with anyone there, and had instead just been interested in meeting them. There was a wizard about a year younger in front of the indicated carriage.

"That's pretty bold," Harry observed. "I was under the impression they were older."

"I reckon they are, mate. Let's see if they reject him."

The Beauxbatons boy knocked on the door to the elaborately designed door and waited about a minute before it opened, which had almost been enough to make them turn around. He said something in French, then stepped in, presumably having been invited.

"It's that bloody easy?" Ron asked. "Merlin, they really are sluts."

"Yeah, that's about what they are." He looked over and saw that they were still in probable earshot of the girl with the book, but he figured it was fine as long as they were talking in English. "I'm starting to think we can't really muck it up. We just go in there, give it our best shot, and if they laugh, we laugh with them, and then we see what happens after that."

When it was their turn, they confidently walked up to the door and knocked on it. It had been a while since the boy had gone in and come out, so they figured they could pretend they had not seen him if it came down to it. Inwardly Harry hoped this venture bore fruit, since they had been at it a while. When they were invited inside, it was pretty plain that the witches were only going to be talking in French, so the pair of them tried to impress the girls with some simple transfiguration, and they responded with a few more advanced spells. They both wore amused expressions, however, so it was clear that they were getting somewhere.

Nanon, the taller one indeed, had long hair of blonde curls, while Catrinette had dark hair and a more Mediterranean tone. Harry did not know enough about the regions of France to so much as guess where she had been born, but he gave himself credit for remembering the country did touch that particular sea. They both set their wands down on what looked like a dresser behind them, which fit the image of the room; the place looked a little like a large bedroom. Doing the same, he and Ron felt a little naked, but not as naked as they could reasonably guess they were going to feel.

They were directed to sit in a pair of identical chairs that felt a lot sturdier than they looked, and immediately manacles appeared around their wrists and ankles. Seeming to have forgotten, Nanon turned around and picked up her wand to wave away their clothes.

"That's a useful spell," Ron observed as the two witches disappeared for a moment.

"That's what you have to say?" Harry asked. "We're literally tied to chairs-"

"Oh, lighten up, would you? This is just how some witches are. Let them have their fun, and then you can have yours after."

He noticed his friend had not been divested of a plain looking ring.

"Would you happen to have another one of those?" he asked, figuring it was the charmed one he had mentioned before.

"Do I look like I could afford two rings?" Ron asked, offended.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Only pulling your wand, mate. The one I was about to give you ended up under your chair somehow. Must've been when they vanished my clothes, it fell out of where my pocket was."

"Well, that makes sense." He sighed loudly. "It doesn't help, but it makes sense."

Nothing was said for a moment.

"It slipped my mind, all right?" Ron asked. "I didn't think we'd be tied to chairs."

Before Harry could forgive his friend, the witches were back, now wearing black leather all over. He might have been nervous about the whip Nanon was holding if it were not for the dildo worn by Catrinette. He would not have even known what it was if he had not overheard jokes told by the older students for the past few years.

The witches seemed to be enjoying their sudden looks of uncertainty, though they probably thought Harry and Ron were into that sort of thing, so he supposed he could see how they would think it was funny that they were having second thoughts, if he were not too busy trying to sort out the second thoughts so he could find out which one was the most useful. Unfortunately, it was mostly panic.

He got the whip, and though it was painful he did not envy his friend, who was getting fucked in the face. They tired of that treatment soon enough and moved down to their cocks. Ron looked relieved, but the way they looked at each other and started rubbing at the same time said something weird to Harry.

"I think they're trying to see who lasts longer-" he managed. "Try and hold out as long as you can."

"I really wish we'd looked into these two," Ron said. There was glitter on his face in addition to the usual freckles, and he did not think he had ever felt worse for his best mate.

Nanon started to get an evil gleam in her eye as she watched his expression for any sign that he might be close to orgasm. Harry decided she was probably a good judge, because he felt a lot closer than he was revealing. The ring was just below him; just out of his reach. Catrinette said something in French and they started licking the tips of the cocks while holding the balls tightly. Harry wanted to squirm, but he knew that would only make it worse. _'How can I get it to come up to my fingers-'_ he thought, before remembering something from Flying class three whole years ago.

_'Up'_

It was not working. _'It's not a broom. I should have known.'_ Nanon was now putting her lips on the head. _'It is enchanted, though,'_ he considered.

_'Up'_

The ring might have budged, but he never would have seen it. He was entirely too focused on the witch's mouth steadily enveloping his cock. It was a moment of magical desperation, much like running from Dudley's gang and ending up on a nearby roof.

_'Up'_

The ring was in his hand and with the unerring skill of a Seeker, he did not let it slip through his fingers. Right as the girl attending to him thought he was about to go off, her expectant expression shifted to the pursed lips of disappointment, and she looked over at the other witch, who had similarly had no such luck. They waved their wands as if to check for charms or potion effects, and they started to talk to each other in French.

"Any idea what they're saying?" Ron asked.

"No idea. I don't speak sadist." He rolled his eyes. "Let them have their fun, Harry-"

"Oh, come off it, if I knew any of this would happen-"

The witches looked at each other before opening a zipper that had not previously been on their black leather suits, revealing their rather succulent flowers. Harry doubted, though, that they would be allowed to do as they would with them. Instead, the girls poised their bodies directly over the exceptionally hard cocks as if to tantalize them. Both went down in one fell swoop and then immediately drew themselves up again, driving the wizards suitably mad. There was no way either of them could have lasted this long without magical assistance, but it appeared the witches still wanted to find out how long they could last.

For Harry, the sudden entrance and equally sudden departure from the love tunnel was nothing less than agony; he would sooner go another round with the Basilisk than deal with a constrictor such as the one squeezing the life out of him. He tried his best to move his hips upward, but Nanon only seemed to enjoy it more for how he was struggling. Catrinette appeared to tire of the game and put her quim in Ron's face, prompting her accomplice to do the same. Harry licked as furiously as he could, and the witch surprised him by pulling him in more. Unable to do anything with any other part of his body, he continued to lick, causing his captor's breath to start to hitch.

It seemed Ron was having about as much luck, but he could hardly focus on anything else as the witch planted herself back down on his cock, inclined to complete her orgasm. She rode him to her satisfaction with a wand at his throat and, with no explanation at all, they both disappeared.

"Harry, I don't think we can afford to get caught here."

"I don't think so either. I don't know where they're going, but I don't like it."

All at once a magical hoop of some sort appeared between them and out stepped Cressida Selwyn, time cop.

"I'm calling in a favor, boys."

"We'll go just about anywhere, thanks," Harry said. He was answered with only a quizzical look.

"No need to ask any questions if you don't want to know the answer," Ron said, grabbing his clothes and wand as soon as he was freed from the conjured bindings. He had a foot through the portal before finishing the thought. "-and trust me, you don't."

"For once, I think I have to agree with you, Weasley," the witch decided. "Come along, Harry. There's a timeline in danger of collapsing entirely and I don't think it's going to save itself." The young wizard trying to put on some modicum of clothing agreed with her, though he could not have cared one way or another. He stepped through the portal without so much as a backward glance.


	18. Extraction

It appeared Cressida had taken them to a relatively recent time. Perhaps there were a few things that were different but it was still Hogwarts, and there were still students milling about like always. _'Why do I know this is the past instead of the future, then?'_ Harry wondered. A wizard his age with long, greasy hair passed by. _'Oh, that's why.'_

"What year is it?" Ron asked. "I thought I just saw someone I recognize."

"It's 1974. Your parents have already left Hogwarts, though I believe Harry's are still here."

"Can we go-" he started to say, before remembering Hermione's words. _'Bad things happen to wizards who meddle with time, Harry,'_ he remembered her saying.

"Our mission concerns someone else entirely."

"Who is it, then?" Ron asked, taking a long look at the Gryffindor ghost as he floated by.

"Her name is Mary MacDonald. Apparently someone decided to get her to transfer to Beauxbatons this year to spare her the trouble of what happens to her next year."

"Who's been meddling with time?" Harry asked.

"That's what we're here to find out. Apparently, she found a completed, accepted application on her bed and she just went with it."

"Well, all we've got to do is take it then, right?" Ron asked.

"No, we're going to keep it from being left there. That's how we get whoever did this."

"Would there happen to be any time for detours?" Harry asked. An idea was forming about a way to one-up Malfoy. _'With my knowledge of the future, it'd be easy to impress these witches'._

"No. I know what you're thinking, and it's entirely too risky. If you were to sleep with a witch in the past, there is a reasonable chance it would alter her future, which would go against the whole reason we came here."

"How is it going to alter her future?" Ron asked as they walked. They were going to the Hufflepuff Basement, it seemed. "We're not going to-"

"I said there was a chance that would happen. Don't you think you're different now that you've had sex?"

"Well, yeah..." he said. "Does that mean we need to get with someone who's done it before?"

"No. Even that could easily have a ripple effect. I actually went to school to learn about this."

"Really? When did you go to school?"

"I graduated in 2033, why?"

"Oh, well, they might have different courses by then," Harry said. "I just kind of had the impression that wizards like to keep things the same. What house were you?" Despite the fact that she was wearing a tie with yellow stripes, he found it hard to believe she always owned it.

"Slytherin." They reached the door to the Hufflepuff Basement. Neither he nor Ron could decide whether or not they should trust the time travelling witch less.

"Why did you need our help?" Ron asked. "Expecting trouble?"

"Something like that. You two are going to be under the cloak in case I get taken by surprise."

"Harry, you brought it, right?" He shook his head.

"Fine. I'll disillusion you. You just have to avoid running into anyone." He looked over at Ron, who was gone before his very eyes. Only when he looked closely could he tell his friend was not truly invisible, only blending in.

"What's the password for the Hufflepuff-"

"It isn't locked," Cressida said, opening the door. "It never will be."

Passing through the threshold, the decorations were what he expected; it was a cozy sort of environment of black and gold. They went over to the stairs leading down to the girls' dormitories, finding it was set up the same was as Gryffindor's only in reverse, because it involved going down. It was surprisingly easy to get into the dormitory. Harry wanted to ask when the suspect was expected to arrive, because they seemed to have some sort of time frame, but he knew better than to open his mouth. There was no one in the dormitory at the moment, but it would be suspicious for anyone above them to hear talking after only seeing one witch go in.

There were two witches who came into the dormitory after them, but they just talked about and incident with Bellatrix Black and Francine Edgecombe, the school slut, before walking back out.

"Bellatrix Black?" Harry whispered to Ron. "She's got to be related to Sirius."

"I reckon she is, mate. Most pure bloods are, one way or another." He thought for a moment. "Have you heard of Bellatrix Lestrange, the Death Eater?" He shook his head having only heard of a few of them by name. They did not exactly go around introducing themselves when they attacked the World Cup.

"Well, I think she's Malfoy's mum's sister. Wouldn't be hard to believe it's the same witch."

Cressida shushed them as someone else came down the stairs. It was another witch, though this one looked oddly familiar. Right as she placed a letter down on one of the beds, the time cop fell over. Harry and Ron reacted, stunning her from behind cover. Not expected to be attacked, especially not in such a way, she went down immediately.

"See if she's all right-" Harry started. "I'll disarm the other one. _Expelliarmus._ " The strange witch's wand flew to his hand as expected.

"Do you know how to wake people up from being stunned?" Ron asked. "She's fine otherwise."

"She'll wake up eventually, but we can't stay here that long. Get out that time traveling hoop she had; try and put us in some place no one would think to look." As Harry moved both the unconscious bodies, Ron figured out how to activate the bizarre silver hoop. _'He did run into Hermione in the future,'_ Harry remembered. _'I could have sworn she told him something about time travel at least.'_

The four of them landed in the upper room of the Shrieking Shack, which in mere moments was filled with very real shrieking. Harry and Ron looked over to see Cedric Diggory having sex with Cho Chang on the moldy bed. The impression he had of the wizard was that he was a mostly decent bloke, so it was no surprise he covered up his girlfriend and left the room with nothing more than a comment about how it would have been damn decent of them to knock.

He took a moment to silently cross Cho off the list, since he did not want to get a witch who was already taken. That kind of thing seemed slimy, not to mention likely to cause problems for him down the road. There were plenty of other girls; he just had to figure out if Malfoy was still hitting the same numbers. He looked over to his friend.

"I think we need another tally."

Ron cast the charm. A faint number 14 appeared.

"Blimey, Harry, that's more than I thought."

"Yeah, I remember thinking some of them might not count, like how Cressida was in the future. What we need now is a tally of Malfoy."

"You're probably right about that. I reckon he won't notice if we just hit him with the charm at some point; the number disappears straight away."

"Even if he does; it's not really a problem. He'd tell us if we ask. We're better off telling him we only had a few more, but he might be getting someone to scout us somehow."

"Well, it couldn't be Luna. She's not that kind of girl, and we haven't really told her anything about what we've done."

"It could be one of the Patils," Harry said. "They did kind of betray us by telling us to go after those French girls."

"That's because we told them that they were just points in a wager against Malfoy."

"Damn. Well, if my count is right, at least they counted for one. Nanon had an orgasm while she was riding me," he explained, finding it not all that difficult to get the words out.

"Same. We need to check up with Trelawney and Sinistra. If we get more teachers, that might just open the floodgates."

Harry explained how he had learned from the Divination teacher that Malfoy had been using aging potions on younger girls. Ron looked pretty upset, but had a hard time thinking of a way to counter it. They turned to the time cop and the suspect, both taking the opportunity to wake up.

"Who is she?" they asked Cressida.

"She-" the witch started "-is a royal pain in my arse. She's been messing with the time stream just so she can fix it."

"Wait a minute-" Harry began, remembering having heard about a rival time cop.

"You're looking at Emmaline Granger. And yes, when she wakes up, you can fuck her."


	19. Student-Teacher Conferences

Harry remembered the agreement stated that the sex had to be consensual, meaning the witch had to be awake, but they were allowed to offer favors in exchange. That was at least what he was getting from the count the spell gave him and the count he had going in his head. _'Megan probably thought I would ask her to the ball,'_ he thought. _'Tracey was expecting some 'seed', apparently.'_ When he thought about it, though, there had to be lots of occasions where sex was used as a favor, and it could not be said to be less than consensual.

Granger woke up at length. She had a sour expression, probably figuring they would not listen to whatever excuses she had, since she had been caught in the act. It was pointless to try to say she had been there with honest intentions, since Cressida already knew from the historical record that someone placed an acceptance letter on MacDonald's bed, and it had to be a time traveler. Looking over at Ron, he remembered the future version of Hermione had given him some time-manipulating artefact, though he had not said what it was, possibly because he still had to figure out how to use it.

Unfortunately, the rival time cop flatly refused to have sex with them, so Cressida decided she would just have to be written up and the two of them disappeared. The young wizards shrugged and trudged back up to the castle. Luna, fortunately, was waiting for them at one of the entrances.

"A boy named Dean Thomas told me not to tell you something."

"What?" Harry asked.

"Well, that would be telling you, wouldn't it?"

"Why did you even tell him that you were sworn to secrecy, then?" Ron asked.

"I hardly think that counts," the witch said, huffing a little before smiling again. "He seemed like he was trying to hide something."

"Of course he was trying to hide something, he said not to tell me." Harry exhaled. "Do you have any idea if Malfoy's still been sleeping with younger witches?"

"He would hardly have time to be doing that."

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Well, he says he only just found a great treasure trove of witches in a compromising position."

"Damn. I don't even know what that means, but it doesn't sound good." It seemed that like them, Malfoy had been trying to find quicker, easier ways of having sex with as many witches as possible. While courting Hogwarts students worked, if luck was on their side, he must have thought of something faster, and Harry doubted it involved going to London, since they discovered for themselves it put them so far out of their way the time expenditure and the risk of getting declared missing were too high.

"Did he give you any clues at all?" Harry asked.

"Oh, why didn't you ask before? He said he had to learn how to apparate to the island."

"He learned how to apparate?!" they exclaimed in unison.

"I believe that was what I said. I may have been possessed by a Ruffle-Skinned Lempusoid, though, so I suppose we'll never know."

"That's sixth-year material," Ron said. "He's not taking it easy at all, Harry- he must know we're catching up to him."

"That or it's even worse- he could just be bound and determined to beat us by the widest margin he can manage. Then no matter how far behind he thinks we are, he'll keep at it until his cock falls off."

"I didn't think they did that," Luna said, giggling a little.

"Sorry. Anyway, if he's going to some island, and there are witches there in a compromising position..."

"He must be talking about Azkaban," Ron decided. "Something like thirty percent of the inmates are witches."

Harry's eyes widened a little. It was a higher percentage than he had thought, and he had been under the impression the prisoners were bags of bones. At the same time, he could easily see more than a few of them being desperate for any sort of human contact. They were surrounded by dementors, after all.

"Is he allowed to just wander around in the prison having sex with prisoners?"

"His old dad's really powerful in the Ministry. I reckon he pulled some strings to get dear Draco in there during shower time."

Harry thought about it. As much as it seemed implausible, he could not think of anything else that had been meant by the admittedly scant hint, and he could see it as something Snape would propose. He was evil, after all.

"Luna, if you get any hint that it's Azkaban, be sure and tell us, just so we know for sure." There was a small chance they could get their rival in enormous trouble, but that would be literally the first base he had covered. "Ron, I need you to go find Professor Sinistra. Get that thing working. At the very least, we can use it to contact Cressida. I'm going to see Trelawney to see if there's anything else she knows. If that doesn't work, I'm going to get her to tell me about alternate timelines."

"Brilliant, Harry, we'll get Malfoy stuck in one and make it look like an accident-"

"We're not going to do that-"

"Right, because we're not going to tell anyone. Malfoy? We don't know where he is, why would you be asking us?" He watched his friend run off with a little too much enthusiasm. Turning back to Luna, it seemed she was already gone.

He caught Trelawney by one of the teacher's offices.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"My apologies, master of fate, I know little more about your rival-" She glanced at the door. "But I know of the secret dealings of a witch- Bathsheda Babbling." He recognized, after a moment of thought, the name of Hermione's Ancient Runes teacher.

"Go on."

"She's in trouble with the goblins Last year she overdrafted nearly twelve thousand galleons."

Harry's eyes might have widened at the figure, but he was more surprised at the fact that it was not a sex thing. Somehow that was what he had expected.

"Does it make a difference that we know? Could she lose the job over it?"

"Being in debt with any other kind of bank would hardly be a problem, I predict. Headmaster Dumbledore would not see that as a reason to remove an employee."

"But if you're in debt with the goblins-"

"Signs point to their advent to collect."

Harry did not quite know what that meant, what kind of problems it would cause for the school if the Gringotts employees came and turned the place upside down looking for a debtor; it was entirely possible that Hogwarts wanted nothing more than to be in a good relationship with the bank. He had no idea whether the school had loans, but it had to at least have an account, so that some kind of school budget could be arranged.

"Well, let's go in with that, then." He pointed his wand at the door. _"Alohamora."_

"Sybil?" she asked as soon as it opened. "Potter? What are you doing here?"

"I'm not sure. How much do you owe the goblins?" Harry asked. He knew not to offer to repay it, lest he lose the ability to sleep with her and have it counted. "Apparently they can be quite disruptive when they look around for debtors."

"Please, I'm only in debt until next week- I just need to get my ex-husband to transfer me the money, but he lives in Mongolia now-"

"Oh, but if we told Dumbledore now, you wouldn't have that long, would you?" he asked, looking back. It seemed Trelawney had already fled.

"Don't- Potter, I know you're not one of my students-"

"Oh, I'm sure there's something you can do." He felt a moderate amount of guilt, since Professor Babbling had never wronged him, nor was she an awful teacher like Trelawney, but that only meant he had to make her feel extra satisfied. "I've had a certain fantasy for a while, see."

"Anything but- please, this business with the goblins will be over soon, but if I were to- I'd always be looking over my shoulder."

"Not really. I have a wager going with Malfoy. I have no intention to manipulate you beyond this year."

She cautiously took off her clothes. Reluctance would get her nowhere, of course, but Harry had no desire to rush things. She had the body of a normal woman in her thirties, to his estimation, but unfortunately for her he had no bizarre maternal issues to work out. He bent her over the desk and started fingering her. The witch was moaning about how she had not had someone touch her like that in such a long time, and he hoped she liked it, because it was taking a while getting his cock to stand up. About the time her exclamations about his skill started to get awkward, he managed to work himself to a reasonable hardness and thrust in. It was not as if he saw her as completely unattractive, but his standards were probably somewhat high for having slept with loads of witches his own age.

If Babbling's moans were any indication that she had at least momentarily stopped caring about the unprofessionalism and probable disrespect for the law on display, he felt a simple slap on the arse was sufficient to communicate that he understood. The older witch moaned leading up to an orgasm, and he was almost tempted to pull out in order to tease her, but he saw no particular need to mess with her for the fun of it. He was not into the physical aspect of it so much as the dynamic of a student bending a teacher over the desk.

"Professor, I don't have to tell... anyone... anything," he teased. "I suppose... I could, though..."

"Please, no, I'll... do... anything..." Babbling begged.

"Anything?" he asked. It was perfectly apparent she was nearing her second trip over the edge, though he wished he had a mirror so he could see her expression. He put his wand against her arse.

"Anything..." she said in an almost husky voice. She practically yelped as the warm, smooth wand went into her rectum, where it would hit her rear pleasure spot to her great surprise and sudden contraction of her walls around his member.

"Then tell me if your ex-husband ever fucked you like this before."

The teacher was unable to respond as the most powerful, intense, and yet confusing orgasm erupted in her body. The student could not have said what possessed him to ask such a question, but evidently the witch was getting off to the naughtiness of it all just as much as he was, if not more. _'Well, at least I know it counted now,'_ he thought. _'Let's hope Ron and Sinistra had some luck.'_

As he set off for the Gryffindor common room, it occurred to him that the Astronomy teacher might not know as much about time traveling rings as he had hoped, so he had not been expecting it when he met Ron on the stairs and saw he had a grin on his face.

"You fucked her again, didn't you?"

"Better. Sinistra said we'd need an expert on Arithmancy to even begin to work it out, so she took it to Vector. Turns out she called someone a- almost can't even say it- mudblood back in '88."

"So Vector can help us?"

"No, she said she'd need to run a few things by someone else first. I did get to fuck her, though, so now she's on our list- and Malfoy's probably still only got Snape."

"What other teacher's help could we need?" he asked, a bit exasperated.

"She said something about complex runes on the hoop. D'you remember who teaches about runes here?"

"Yeah, I remember a good bit about her. Don't think it'll be hard at all getting her to help."

"That's good, Harry, I was worried there for a tick."


	20. A Little Sour in the Soiree

Harry and Ron found themselves at breakfast the next morning, totally unprepared for the Yule Ball.

"I'll get myself to Hogsmeade- London if I have to, and I'll get us some serviceable robes. You go see if-"

"I haven't got a date."

"You what?"

"They go around in packs, Harry-"

"You could have asked any one of the witches that we saw the past week or so-"

"Yeah, but- if everyone's going to see it, I'd want it to be someone..." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter now. She's already taken. I don't think it's mandatory, so just get robes for yourself. I'll find something to do to fill in the time."

"All right," Harry said, not knowing what else might work. "All right, we can be pretty sure Malfoy's going, so you might be able to sabotage him in some way. He's probably way ahead of me by now."

That was the last thing they said before Harry rose from the table and walked out, ostensibly to go to the greenhouses, since he had an excuse to be there, but really he summoned his firebolt, which he had left sitting out the night before, and flew in the direction of Hogsmeade, more or less confident that no one would see him. Surprisingly, however, he was prevented from leaving. As he pointed his broom handle toward the village he kept ending up going back to the school.

"Damn," he muttered. "The firsties must have flying class early this morning or something."

The only way out was to go through the Shrieking shack, which would put him reasonably close to Hogsmeade, but the tree would slow him down, since he had never learned the spell for immobilizing it. Ducking under the branches as he raced forward on his broomstick, he made it to the knot in the wood that stopped the tree for a moment and went underground, still on his broomstick. _'Just have to fly out the top window now-_ ' he started to think to himself, before being nearly knocked off his broom when he came into the tower proper.

"What do you think you're doing; flying that thing around in here?" Cressida asked. Granger was tied up in a corner.

"Sorry, I didn't think you'd still be here. Do you know where I might find dress robes?"

"Well, my esteemed colleague has said she left more traces of herself in this time, but she won't say where."

"I can get it out of her," he suggested.

"You do that, and I'll sort out your dress robe situation. Deal?"

"Deal." Cressida disappeared. _'That's a good way of having deniability,'_ he thought. "Okay, Granger, you've done a good job of tying up our mutual friend so far, so I'll let you out if I can fuck you. How does that sound?"

"You're going to fuck me while I'm tied up?" she asked as he made his way over.

"I don't have any issue with that. I don't think I've ever fucked a witch who was restrained." Harry had, of course, fucked a witch while he was restrained, but decided not to mention that. He and Ron were on the fence about whether or not they had to get revenge on the Patil twins. In either case, he removed the witches underthings while making out with her. He did not have quite the desired access to her chest, straining against the transfigured ropes as it was, but he started to rub her downstairs. Her body warmed to his touch; perhaps there was something hot about it for her after all.

Granger moaned gently as he felt around for her sensitive spots, her tongue was hanging out by the time he had his cock out. She even tried to reach it with a hand, but her restraints were too tight. He aligned the tip with her warm, wet, entrance.

"Fuck me, Potter."

"How do you know who I am?" he asked, continuing to tease her. He did not believe Cressida had mentioned his name in her hearing.

"You look just like my boss," she said as he indulged her desire, sliding straight into her.

"Oh?" he asked, starting to move. It was easy, he found, to detach himself from what was going on if he talked about whatever. "Tell me about your boss."

"I'm... not... supposed-" He started to slow down. "Fuck, he's handsome." He resumed his previous pace.

"Is he rich?"

"Yes... He... has it all-"

Harry was starting to suspect she was laying it on thick to keep him distracted, but he did not care. Whatever she was saying, her body was reacting; her breathing hitched as he continued to thrust. She came forcefully, writhing as if she wanted to do something with her arms and legs, but found herself perfectly unable. _'Actually, I'm reasonably confident that's what it is,'_ he thought to himself. Granger looked like she had had enough after a few more thrusts, so he pulled out, not wanting to go on any longer than she liked it.

"Are you going to let me out now?" she asked as soon as she could breathe.

"Right after you tell me the location of one major time disturbance around here. It'll work out the best for everyone that way." She rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I just tied Professor Snape's boot laces together. I didn't have a lot of time to meddle before I got caught."

Harry released her from her bindings as promised and she used her own hoop to escape immediately.

"I can't tell Cressida what she told me- she'd never believe it. Besides, I don't particularly mind if Snape trips," he thought aloud. With nothing to do but hope the time cop did not ask too many questions, he waited for her to appear, surprised she was there almost instantly.

"Where's Granger?"

"She told me about the time discrepancies, so I let her go."

"You weren't supposed to-"

"Thanks for the robes, these look- futuristic," he observed, taking them. He really could not have guessed what they were, but it was a familiar black and white color scheme, so he could work with it. "She said not to tell you she was going to the ice age."

"The Pliocene? It's strictly forbidden to travel there!"

"Yeah, that's probably why she told me not to tell you."

"Well, don't tell anyone I went there to get her-"

Harry wondered if she knew where she was going, but he guessed that the portals always took the time traveler to the same place in a different time. _'I only said it was the ice age, though,'_ he thought. _'How is she going to know what year?'_

Shrugging, he went back up to the castle, having put on his formal robes. He met Alicia in the courtyard, where a few other students were meeting their dates.

"Harry, you look dashing," she said, her eyes widening.

"You say that as if you're surprised. You look quite beautiful yourself." She wore a floor length dress of crimson and white.

"I did not know you would even know what to wear to this kind of occasion. Do you know how to dance?"

"Not really. I may have skipped McGonagall's demonstration," he admitted. "How different is it from the horizontal variant?"

She shot him a look, though he could not quite tell what it meant. _'I really wish sometimes she told me more than just the basics of how girls work,'_ he thought to himself. _'I still don't get all these different expressions.'_

When the champions started dancing, everyone else was allowed to get going after that. He found it simple enough as long as they took it slow, and it was easy to work with Alicia; it was almost as if they were on brooms, flying around each other. He supposed that might mean he would be fair at dancing with Fred and George, but he would prefer not to find out.

"You're not rubbish at this," she said in between songs, the music too loud to hear each other properly. "I don't feel like I'm actively being embarrassed."

"That's high praise," he said. "Look over there."

Krum was dancing with Hermione, though with their size difference it was almost amusing to watch. The other two champions seemed to have chosen each other as partners, which was, at least in his opinion, kind of a cop-out. It was what everyone expected, and as such did not reveal very much about either of them. At the end of the day, though, he could not have cared less. His friend dancing with a champion was going to be plenty surprising to cover for the other champions.

As he danced with Alicia, though, he realized he had forgotten that Cedric was supposed to be with Cho Chang- did something happen between them? Did they break up because of what he did? All of a sudden he felt worse than any of the womanizing he had done so far made him feel. _'I wouldn't want to have broken them up,'_ he thought, looking down a bit.

"Eyes up here, Potter."

"Oh, sorry, Alicia. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Everyone's staring at us."

"Is my dancing that bad?"

"It's not that."

He took a moment to look around for himself. Most of the people staring at him were witches, and a few of them had seen more than enough of him. Their dates seemed to stare at them for a moment, then switch to staring at him.

"Sorry about that. Lucky there aren't any teachers watching."

"Harry, there are absolutely teachers watching; this is a supervised ball." She seemed to think about what he had said. "Wait, are you implying that you've _slept_ with-"

"Oh, look, there's one of them now," he said, noticing the DADA teacher walking, or hobbling straight for them.

"Please tell me you didn't- not with him at the very least, Harry-"

"I don't think he'll be asking to cut in," he joked. There was something about the man's expression that was not simply serious, it was loathing, almost like what he had seen with Snape.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to cut your date a little short, Potter."

"Excuse me, sir?"

"You have to come with me. That's an order."

"Professor Trelawney, can you tell me what all this is?" he asked as Moody tried to lead him away. "Am I being suspected of something again?"

"I... should like to know that as well. Alastor, could you please explain what you have foreseen-"

"It's not the future, Sybil, it's the past," he responded, annoyed. "I'm giving one of my favorite students a chance to resolve this without an official inquiry. We can only do that if we discuss it with no one else around. I've grown tired of waiting."

"I am afraid I can be quite certain ill tidings await those who meet with Harry Potter in secret," Professor Trelawney said, looking around. "Wherever you would take him, I should have to ask to accompany you."

"You're only making things worse for yourself, Potter," Moody grumbled. "You've had some close shaves with disciplinary infractions in the past, but I won't be putting up with it. You're looking at expulsion-"

"You still haven't explained yourself," Alicia said, reminding everyone she was there. "Professor Trelawney, has Headmaster Dumbledore said anything about this punishment?"

"I do not believe he has," she said, stepping into the role perfectly. It occurred to Harry, at the entirely wrong time though it was, that on any other day she would say something about how she had no interest in the past. "That makes this most irregular."

It hit him like a train. _'She's been a bad Divination teacher all the time we've had her- but when it comes to being a fraud, she's the best there is!'_

Moody was trying to say something about how he did not want to involve the Headmaster just yet.

"Do you have any idea how educational disciplinary matters are normally resolved?" Professor Trelawney asked, as though she had memorized everything she would ever be asked in case she were investigated. "In the three strike system, is the third strike the last one, as you have claimed, or do three strikes precede the action to expel?" She took a step closer. "In the Department of Magical Education, what is considered an acceptable warning for a first offense?"

The DADA teacher was practically sweating. His cursed eye could not be moving faster. _'She's just asked him an impossible question just to see if he's even expected to know it,'_ Harry realized. _'Even McGonagall wouldn't know that one.'_

"You got me, then. I'm not familiar with all the hows and whys of education. Dumbledore brought me on at the last minute; didn't have time to go over all the gory details-"

"Then perhaps you should defer to an expert," the Divination teacher suggested. "I am going to accompany Mister Potter to ensure procedure is observed."

He almost wished she had reported the matter, or gotten him out of it entirely, but it seemed like Moody really wanted to meet with him, and if Trelawney got him out of one meeting one time, there would just be another. Going with them would maybe keep anything too unexpected from happening, else it would force the DADA teacher to show his hand. He grumbled and left, saying he had better things to do.

The dance was over not long after that.

"Harry, I'm worried about Professor Moody," Alicia said. "I think you should tell someone about him."

"I'll get on that right away," he said, getting out his invisibility cloak and throwing it over himself as soon as he got to an empty corridor. He would have liked to partake in the post-ball festivities, but not only did he not really have anything to tell Dumbledore, except that one of the teachers had been behaving weirdly, there was something undeniably up with him, and he had to get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later. He had a hunch, though he hoped he was wrong, that it had something to do with the change to the time stream that had Cressida so worried.

He only hoped he could find out what it all meant in time.


	21. Time Patrol Posse

Following Moody to his office revealed quickly enough that he was not really Alastor Moody. Harry recognized the effect of Polyjuice wearing off. _'He can't be using it all the time,'_ he thought. _'The ingredients are costly and it takes a long time to brew.'_ Thinking about it for a second, the sight also confirmed the other thing he had been thinking, which was that the teacher meant to do him ill. It was pretty obvious that if he intended to reveal his real face, Harry would not live long enough to tell anyone about it.

He only wanted to know why it always had to be the damn DADA teacher.

Though he wanted to stick around and learn more, he knew he could not go into the office; he dared not do more than peek through the crack between the door and its stone frame. From his position, he could not see anything other than the teacher, sitting at his desk and writing something, which either had to do with the plan or was just some teacher thing he was doing to maintain his cover. The obvious thing to do was to go straight to Dumbledore, but he could not exactly prove the wizard, whoever he was, posed any kind of threat, nor could he say for certain the Headmaster did not already know about his false identity. After Lupin the previous year, he would not be surprised if the man just had a secret and could not show his face in public.

What he needed to do was a proper investigation, and as he walked away from the office, it became clear to him that he already had the tools to do it. The way Trelawney was grilling him with questions gave him an idea. _'I could go to any one of my sla- favorite teachers, or better yet, all of them, and get the to open an investigation,'_ he plotted. _'The first step will just be going to Dumbledore, and asking him if he knows one of his teachers is under Polyjuice all the time. If Dumbledore doesn't know about that, he must have thought he was hiring Moody, but was wrong, and then there's no way he's not some kind of murderer.'_

Harry wondered for a moment where the real Alastor Moody was. It was most likely that he was just taking a vacation or something if he allowed this other wizard to fill in for him, but he had probably been murdered otherwise. Unless Dumbledore knew where to find the genuine article, the fake was a dangerous man.

He found that the ball had disbanded, with basically everyone having left, which was fine, but now he needed to find Ron. It was not as if he would be surprised to find him in Gryffindor Tower, but there was the chance Moody had already come after him, or Hermione. Finding his friend on the way there, he contained his relief, if he was not able to say why.

"Mate, you'll never believe it!"

"Might as well say it anyway."

"I got with the French witch!"

"Fleur?"

"No, Nanon- the one you were doing."

"Oh, okay. How exactly did you get with her?" Harry asked. The business about Moody could wait.

"Well, I think they talked to some Hogwarts girls, and they found out we weren't really into that sort of thing."

"Really."

"Yeah, I dunno, I guess a lot of guys go in there and act like they're not into it. Anyway, it turns out there are translation potions, so we got to talking- apparently I've got a sexy voice in French; no idea how that works, and then we did it like normal people. It's not what she normally does, but she was totally having a time and a half."

"That's great," he said. "Did you not have any time to ask the teachers about the time travel thing?"

"Oh, no, I just got back from that. Between Vector and Babbling, they'll have it working in a few days from now."

Harry explained all he knew about the situation with the DADA teacher.

"... and the worst part is, he made me leave my date at the ball."

"What a right bastard," Ron commented. "Somebody else might have swept her up!"

"Anyway, we need to get the teachers on it as soon as possible," he decided. "Not the ones working on the time travel thing, the other two."

Ron nodded as they reached the portrait hole. Unexpectedly, it swung open for them.

"Hermione?" he asked.

"Don't 'Hermione?' me, where have you two been? It's way too late to be up, even on a school function."

"It's literally Christmas day, Hermione," Ron said. "Just give Harry and me a break for one bloody day of the year."

They stepped through to the common room, finding no one else there. Some kind of change of expression had come over their friend. All of a sudden, her face was downcast.

"Have you two been taking breaks together a lot?" she asked.

"Er... well, I wouldn't call it that," Harry said.

"Have you been... seeing a lot of each other?"

"Yeah," he said instinctively, remembering precisely how much of Ron he had seen, and the contrast between that and how much he had expected he would see.

"Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, really, what?" He looked over at Ron, but he seemed to have no greater insight as to what was going on in the witch's mind. It was a strange place to attempt to explore; ill advised, even, to swear by the words of the most practiced.

"No, it's nothing at all. I have no particular response to what I have discovered. I must admit, of course, I am a bit... shocked, but being shocked does not necessarily mean I am pleased or displeased."

"Well, I'm displeased," Ron said. "You're freaking me out, Hermione, what in Merlin's name do you mean?"

"Only what I have said," she responded. "Please do not ask me to explain any further," she said, practically running out of the room and up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

"What was all that?" Harry asked.

"No idea, mate. I think it started when you said we were seeing a lot of each other."

Nothing was said as each of them waited first for the other to figure out what it meant, and then for the other to come up with some alternate conclusion than what they both realized at the same time. When that proved a wasted couple of minutes, Ron surprised Harry by not reacting with disgust or shock or anything, only sadness.

"You don't really feel that way-"

"No, not about other wizards," Harry said. "I probably should not have said that we've seen a lot of each other, but, well, it stood out to me because I found it so weird. I mean, most blokes don't do that kind of thing, right?"

"Practically goes without saying, mate."

"But that's just it. We're mates. I'm never worried that you might misinterpret something, or that you might-"

"I get it. Don't need to go on any longer."

There was another pause, this one longer than the first.

"I reckon it's fine as long as there's a witch in there."

"Yeah."

"Not that I've ever had any problem with wizards who- _Merlin._ Why is that the first thing she thinks?"

"I really hate to say it, Ron, but... what if this is better? We keep letting her think that's what it is, and next year we act like it was a joke."

"Next year- Harry, what all could happen in a year? What if she- I dunno- moves to Bulgaria with Krum?"

"I don't think that's very likely. Besides, what does that have to do with-"

"Okay, well, she's definitely going to find out we've been sleeping with witches."

"She hasn't yet," Harry observed. "Come to think of it, if we were ever worried she was hiding how much she knew, we were definitely wrong about that." He thought about their friend, about how she could potentially find out. "I don't think she has a lot of friends who are girls. We were a bunch of misfits three years ago. I think she annoyed a good number of them last year with the whole Divination thing."

"We're still a bunch of misfits, but now she's dancing with Krum." He sighed loudly. "Did you see her, Harry, she was actually beautiful. I've never seen her like that before. I knew she was-"

"Did you see her? I thought you didn't go to the ball."

"I caught sight of her on the way there." He sighed, his shoulders fell. "We should go talk to her."

"Yeah. I was hoping it wouldn't come to that."

They trudged over to the staircase to the girls' dormitory, but they only got two or three steps up before they slid back down. Fortunately, they had not been running, so they did little more than stumble, but it was still pretty annoying.

"Wait a tick, hasn't Hermione been up to our dormitory a few times?"

"I think so."

"Well why the hell can she come up to our dormitory when we can't come up to hers?"

"No idea." It was the kind of thing where he would normally ask Hermione, but he expected it would be embarrassing if he said anything, and he hardly thought he would see very much of her in the next few days. "We'll tell her the truth later, like we planned."

It was with that they agreed to deal with the problem in the morning, which was never too objectionable.

When they woke up, they decided to split up again, so Harry could go find Trelawney and Ron could go find Sinistra, and it would not be too terrible if one of them were not successful. Getting the investigation going was paramount, and they would have to have the matter resolved before Moody could spring anything on him, which he was worried might even happen in class.

"You told her the plan, then?" he asked Ron when next they saw each other. The Divination teacher had been surprisingly easy to work with.

"Yeah. She's still a bit of a creepy bird, but at least she can be bribed."

"I think it's easier to work with Trelawney now that she's given up on trying to trick us. Anyway, what's on the agenda for today?"

"I mean, I think the obvious thing is for you to try to get Catrinette, but if he hasn't said anything, she probably isn't interested in doing things the normal way. How about we look into some Slytherins?"

"I was thinking about that. At some point we tried to get Tracey to feed us a few more."

"As long as it's not Millicent Bulstrode, I'll be fine."

Fortunately, they found her in the corridor in between classes.

"I was wondering when you two would come and find me. Pansy Parkinson probably won't want both of you at the same time, but she'll take you as a packaged set."

"You've got something on her?" Ron asked.

"Don't ask me what it is. Just tell her you know about Halloween of last year."

They planned to find her after Divination like they had grown accustomed to doing, but Malfoy had a word for them at lunch. He even sent over Crabbe and Goyle to deliver the message. On their arms, oddly enough were their dates from the ball, Flora and Hestia Carrow. _'How did they ever get dates like that?'_ Harry wondered. _'Did Malfoy pull some strings for them?'_

Though it was easy to imagine Malfoy having the strings to pull, it was hard to imagine his doing anyone a legitimate favor. The Carrow girls were pure, and though not exactly his taste, arguably quite pretty. It was with no small amount of caution that they approached their rival at the Slytherin table.

"Ah, Potter. I was beginning to wonder how exactly my dust tasted."

"We'll catch up eventually," Harry promised. "In your position, I would worry more about holding onto my lead than gloating." Truthfully, he had absolutely nothing planned, but he hoped he could trip Malfoy up wondering what it was. _'Damn. It really is hard not having Hermione around.'_

"Is that so? How much experience do you have, being in my position? If my sources are correct, you have more than enough experience being in a witch's position."

"Who told you about that?" Ron demanded, likely before he could stop himself.

"It pays to have an information network. There's nothing that doesn't go through my beloved Parkinson."

"She means something to you?"

"More than you know, and yet-" His expression straightened. "Not as much as the honor of Slytherin. I shall win this little game of ours, by my estimation I am at least seven points ahead."

"We'll see how long you stay there."

Harry and Ron could hardly focus in class after the conversation. Neither of them had any idea how to make up the difference; even if they went around hitting all the girls Malfoy already had, he would probably only do the same to their own supply, and to make matters worse, there was a chance they were already walking into yet another trap. It was entirely possible Tracey had set them up to at the very least waste an evening chasing after Pansy.

"One day at a time," Ron said as they walked down a relatively quiet corridor. "That's the only way to do this."

"We have to get Malfoy expelled somehow. He can't keep getting ahead of us like this."

"Harry, there's a very interesting group of witches I highly doubt he's hit. They make up a little under half the castle, well, a quarter if you count all the blokes-"

"The fifth through seventh years- Are you mad? They'll laugh us out of bed!"

"It's the only way we can pull ahead, Harry, unless something absolutely bonkers happens."

They looked around for Cressida.

"Ron, she shows up when we're alone, not when we prompt her with irony, or whatever that was."

"I thought it might work."

"We have to ask Dean if that party's ever going to happen. If there's any chance at all I could start getting older witches, it'll be then."

"Right. You can start with Alicia."

He wanted to respond with a pained look, but he was not given much of an opportunity to respond at all, given that Cressida appeared right before them.

"Wait a tick, how did you get here-" Ron started to ask, looking around.

"I walked. I needed to find you, so I appeared in a broom closet where no one would see me."

"This school has an odd number of broom closets."

"I've thought that myself," Harry said. "What brings you here?"

"We're going back to the same time period. It turns out, because of our intervention, the alternate timeline merged with our own."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"No," Cressida answered. "It means we accidentally caused someone to use time travel magic a few years down the road. Something we did, something small we might not even remember-"

Harry decided not to ask how exactly that resulted in the two timelines merging.

"Why do you need our help?"

"I need someone to help me blend in among students, and I need backup."

"Can you get us back here?"

"Not really; it's a weakness of this method of time travel. You've noticed I've been coming to visit you in chronological order, right?" The time cop received only a pair of blank stares in the way of a response. "Okay, basically I may have to drop you something like an hour later on your return trip."

"An hour- Divination is about to start. We can't keep Parkinson waiting."

"You're such a gentleman, Potter. I should have known you would have scheduled another sex date with another witch-" She sighed. "This is of paramount importance. If you're back in time, great, if not, Weasley can take care of her."

Cressida practically pulled him into a broom closet and put him through the portal.

"Why me and not Ron?" he asked. It seemed inconvenient, since it would hardly count for anything if Ron managed it with Parkinson; it was his total that Malfoy wanted to beat.

"I forgot to mention something. I need someone who can talk to snakes."

"Our suspect is hiding in the Chamber of Secrets?"

"It's where he's working on his time travel designs."

"I thought it wasn't supposed to be open until I got here," Harry said, looking around. The school still looked the same, perhaps the only differences he saw were the ones he expected into existence. "Did someone else come by and learn Parseltongue?"

"That must be it. They must have thought Salazar Slytherin would have known something about time travel." She sighed. "We don't have the same kind of admiration for him in the future."

"You don't have blood purism?"

"Not really. Some people talk about it like it's still a thing, but it's not. People still respect him as the founder, as well as his other achievements."

Harry thought about it. It seemed remotely possible that kind of thing would happen, but having a murderous dark wizard floating around without a body but apparently a ton of servants who wanted to do his every whim had a way of keeping him from thinking about anything beyond the immediate future.

The two of them reached the Chamber and Harry opened it without delay. It was basically exactly as he had found it two years earlier, or about forty years earlier, depending on how he looked at it, though one way made his head hurt less. A witch looked at them with an angry hiss.

"How dare you!" she shouted. "You are befouling the sacred resting place of Salazar Slytherin!"

"He buried himself here?" Harry asked. "Where?"

" _Sectum Acrimonia!_ " He dodged rather than putting up a shield, instinctively feeling the dark curse might be some kind of shield-breaker. Cressida fired an unidentifiable blast of red light at her, though she swatted it away with her free hand. _'She must have been reading secret knowledge of Slytherin-'_ Harry thought. _'Of course there would be secrets in the Chamber! Why did I never go back here?'_

They heard an ominous crunching sound in the distance as the strange witch disappeared on them.

"Damn! It's the basilisk! She's managed to wake it up somehow." Cressida groaned.

"She probably talked to it in Parseltongue you absolute sloth!"

"Well, the sword should still be around here somewhere- maybe the hat still has it-"

"We've all heard about your very heroic adventure stabbing the basilisk with a sword when you were twelve. We can't do that again, because we can't kill the snake."

Harry wanted to argue, but she would just tell him about ripple effects again and probably just stun him in the back if it looked like he meant to change the time stream. Instead he followed her, wondering what exactly she meant to do about the basilisk, other than let it kill them.

They tried to ambush the witch they met earlier, but the basilisk sensed their presence and attacked them from an open end of a pipe, forcing them both to move out of the way. He felt himself get hit by something that made him feel sick almost instantly, and Cressida was faring no better. Between a giant monster she would not allow herself to put down and a witch who knew highly advanced magic for what looked like a fifth year, it was not long before she was being constricted by the great snake, her wand out of reach on the stone floor.

Harry felt himself be cured, disarmed, and tied up in conjured ropes at the same time. The witch was on top of him in a matter of seconds.

"I'm the Heiress of Slytherin, Parselmouth," she said.

"I'm sure you are- can you please just promise to let my friend go? She won't harm you if you're this close to me. Also, please tell us your name."

"Of course. My name is Isylda Blott. Who are you?"

"I'm Harry Potter."

"Potter? Any relation to James Potter, that arrogant sot?"

"No!" he objected. The witch raised an eyebrow. "He might be from a different side of the family. We don't use Biblical names in our house." It seemed she was interested.

"Ah, you keep to the old ways, then. You might make an interesting mate, for a moment."

She strode over to where he was tied up and removed his clothes with a wave of her wand. An absent thought crossed his mind that he was going to have to learn that spell at some point. He wanted to be into it; he wanted to like the fact that the witch was approaching him, but not only did she know he had no desire for what she was about to do, unlike Nanon, he could hear Cressida grunting as the basilisk put pressure on her and kept her from breathing properly. There was literally no way he was in the mood for sex while an acquaintance, a friend the best of times, was getting murdered.

"I have always wanted the seed of the great Lord Slytherin, and now I shall have it from his heir. Fate herself has smiled on me this day." Charming his member to stay erect as she rode it, she seemed to enjoy herself like a sow, but Harry hardly needed the ring to keep from going off inside of her. A stray thought told him that since girls sometimes did not realize they had been impregnated, the one riding him would probably not realize she had not been impregnated.

"Please... Harry..." Cressida begged. "Don't... give it... to her..."

"Ah, you expect to live long enough to have to deal with my offspring when they grow up? My, are you not adept at holding onto the memory of already lost hope."

"If you let her go, I'll... go off inside of you," he offered, cut off by her wand at his throat.

"Bargaining? In your position? Presume you that I cannot simply keep riding you until you erupt in pleasure?"

"You're killing Cressida right in front of me. I wouldn't even be hard if it weren't for-"

"Very well, I see no way she could harm me without her wand." She told the basilisk to release the prisoner, who immediately ran off. "There, you have what you wished- let us start again in earnest."

"Yes, let's-" he said, moving from below. Though his captor did not realize it, she was the one in the bind, and he was the one who held her. Isylda appreciated his efforts and moved in sync with his hips, the lewd slapping sound echoing through the Chamber of Secrets. To get an idea of how close she was, he lied that he was close himself, and she told him between bounces that it was the same for her. Her scream was louder than he thought necessary, but as her orgasm faded, she started to grow impatient.

"No wizard could last this long-"

"I'm no ordinary wizard," Harry improvised. "Salazar's magic protects me from cock goblins."

"Cock goblins?"

"Have you ever heard of nargles? They're kind of like those, only worse in every way," he lied. "Have you come into contact with any cock goblins recently?"

"How would I know that?!"

"Perhaps you mistook one for a nargle."

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT A MERLIN-DAMNED NARGLE IS!" She had her wand at his throat again. "If you don't come in the next thirty seconds I'm going to blow your brains out."

Harry knew he had to come to a quick decision. He could get the ring off, but just what was Cressida doing? Whatever it was, she had to do it without her wand. How long would it take her? Even if she traveled further in the past, it would still take some amount of time for- The wand pressed into his windpipe and he confessed to possessing the ring, hoping to buy his partner another few minutes, if that.

"Oh, you have an enchanted ring? Why haven't I heard about this?"

"I inherited it from Slytherin. I came here before you."

"Really? How does the snake get around the castle?"

"The pipes are really wide for some reason."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I never figured that one out. Hogwarts couldn't have had plumbing when it was first built, and Salazar Slytherin must have put the chamber in around then."

Isylda's eyes got all leery.

"If you had read the transcripts of the Heirs of Slytherin to come before you, you would have known that Herbert Yule installed those pipes in case he ever needed a way for the basilisk to get through the school."

"He must have been a terrible procrastinator-"

"Hey, wait a minute, you're stalling," she said, still riding. Harry found himself impressed with her endurance.

"I may be. Are we on a tight schedule, though? Perhaps I wanted to spend some more time with you. Do you like the sound of your own voice, by any chance? I find I-"

"How do I know this isn't another trick, like the nargles and the cock goblins?" she asked, pressing her wand into his neck again.

"Those are very real creatures. If you had read the secret codex of Salazar Slytherin, you would know."

"Where is it?" she asked, suddenly interested. "Is that ring off your finger yet?"

Harry could not decide which question he would rather answer.

"I'm not entirely sure," he said, settling on neither. "How is it that you learned to speak Parseltongue? I would have thought you could only learn by reading the codex-"

"No, no, you can't introduce your reason for the transition after you change the subject, Heir of Slytherin. Every witch in the world can see through that kind of misdirection."

It looked like she had finally grown tired of waiting for him to remove the ring, but she could not get it out from under him, so she summoned it, nearly taking his finger off with it. It was not long before he went off, though he could not have said why. Even through the constant stimulation, he had not wanted any part of what had just happened. Just as the wand returned to his neck and he flinched, thinking it was finally the end, he felt his ring land on him. Opening his eyes, it seemed the witch was gone. The basilisk stared at him a few moments before he told it in Parseltongue to go back to sleep.

Cressida appeared not long after, picking her wand off the ground.

"I'm sorry I took so long, Harry," she said. "I really don't know what that must have been like. It's... never happened to me before."

"Well, it's... it's over now," he obviated as she released him from his bindings. He put his ring back on and she restored his school robes for him. "Were they just vanished?"

"Yes, vanishing creates a temporary place in nonbeing from which you may retrieve that which was vanished."

"Ah." He did not quite understand her explanation. "What did you do? She just disappeared."

"Do you remember ever hearing about the Chamber opening in the seventies?"

"No. I thought it only opened because of us."

"Do you remember hearing anything about this witch at all? I can assure you she would have made herself famous serving Voldemort."

"I guess I didn't."

"Do you know why that is?" He shook his head as he got his own wand. "Someone killed her. Maybe she killed herself."

"You went back in time and killed her."

"Yes, I found her when she was alone as a child. I know I am not supposed to alter the timestream, but I really had little choice in the matter, objectively speaking. Between advancing her death by ten years or so, and causing yours, I knew which would have a greater impact on the future."

"You killed a child without using your wand..." It took all of his fortitude to keep it together. Even to save the life of another person, he did not know he could do that.

"There was an orichalcum knife in the kitchen. I made sure it was quick, and I went back as soon as I could."

"That girl's parents..."

"I know, Harry. I know how her mother would have wailed to find her like that as her father ran about looking for the intruder. I needed her gone, though, and I needed the change to take place quickly."

"Right. Time traveling takes time," he reminded himself. It was totally different from Hermione's time turner. "If you went back and time and killed her after I already died, would I come back to life?"

"I don't think so. I didn't want to find out." She sighed. "What we're using is called minimum intervention time travel theory. When you change something, it creates the smallest possible ripple effect. It is the scalpel that allows us to heal what other time travelers destroy with meat cleavers."

"That actually makes sense, I think." He looked around. "We were only in her because of her, so did history just change to where we went here for no reason?"

"It was more likely that it changed so we only thought we were here. The memory modifying effects don't work on the time travelers themselves, though; then we would be unable to report on what we did."

"Let's get back," Harry decided. "I don't want to think about how long it is now."

They passed through the time portal and returned to what he called the present, though he had lost a few hours.

"I don't get it. Why can't we just travel back to where we were right after we left?" he asked.

"The short version is the rings travel backward, and then they return. If you were to travel back without returning, you would remain unable to make accidental changes to your section of the timestream. When I went back to deal with Isylda, I could not have just taken her out of the house, because her parents would have found her and you would still be in danger. Any sort of small change I attempted, when given the minimum possible effect, would end up being too small. Changes that time cops make to the original timeline don't completely destroy it; it's probably the only reason we're even authorized to carry these things; even if you spent several hours in the distant past, someone would catch you before you did anything too disastrous."

Harry thought to say he found it more interesting and less confusing than he had thought, but Cressida was already gone. He shrugged and went to find Ron. Fortunately, he did not have to look far, since he was still in the Room of Requirement when Harry opened the door.

"Ron, what's wrong?" he asked.

"It's terrible, Harry, I just couldn't do it. She told me Malfoy told some joke about cursing her so that she couldn't come, but now she's pretty sure he really did something, but there's no telling what."

"Could it have been the same thing we're doing with the rings?"

"No, that's specific to wizards." He shuddered a little. "Don't ask me why, I know from the illustrations."

"Could you cast the spell on me? I have to test if the last one counted, even though it was in the past."

"Yeah, looks like it did," Ron said, casting the charm. "Well, 'least I got one thing right."

"Damn," he said. "Damn. We should have thought Malfoy would have come up with some way to keep us from cleaning up after him. If we don't do anything like that ourselves-"

"Harry, we can't. I honestly couldn't even bear the sight of it; the poor thing- I know she's normally pretty awful, Harry, but no one deserves that."

"I wasn't saying we should do that, but we have to have some way of keeping Malfoy from going right after us. He'll cement his lead basically forever-"

"Then we need some way to stop him from doing it. That's what we need to do anyway."

"Well, what are we going to do?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, but we have to do something. You weren't there. You didn't see her desperately trying to get off when she couldn't. I've never felt so useless in my life."

"Maybe we get Pansy to tell people that Malfoy cursed her so she can't have-"

"How do we do that? She can't even say it for sure, Harry, she's not going to embarrass herself by saying it in front of everyone."

"We can at least talk about it. I can't think of any other way of stopping Malfoy right now; the rules say we can't just attack him. If Pansy goes into Dumbledore's office and tells him about it, not the whole story, maybe-"

"That might be our best bet, mate."

It was more or less decided. They still had a few hours left in the day, so they found an embarrassed Pansy and got her to go with them by threatening to make it worse for her in front of the whole school. She followed quickly, though her legs were shaking. _'She is probably about ready to go off at any minute,'_ Harry thought. _'After Ron had her and probably after playing with herself, she's probably willing to do anything to get release.'_

Dumbledore's office was a familiar route for him, but he had forgotten the password and waited for the man himself to show up.

"Harry, Ron... Pansy, what are you doing here?" he asked as he arrived.

"We need to speak with you in private, sir."

He invited them up to the office and they explained what Malfoy had done to the red-faced witch standing next to them.

"Can you be entirely sure it was Draco?"

"We know the two of them were close. It would have been after the two of them had sex." He looked over at Pansy. "Please, this can all be over if-" To his moderate surprise, she nodded.

"Harry, if there is no evidence that Draco used this curse on a student, the most I can do is speak to Severus. He is technically supposed to be officiating disciplinary matters between Slytherins."

"You can at least remove it, right?" Ron asked. "What if we find three girls who are all cursed like this, and what they have in common is Malfoy?"

"What reason do you have to believe he has done this to more witches?" Dumbledore asked. "Have you been sleeping with other students?"

Harry groaned internally. This was not going to be easy.


	22. Malfoy's Dastardly Plan

"Harry, please just tell me why you and Mr. Weasley decided it was a good idea to accept Mr. Malfoy's little challenge?"

"We honestly thought he was just trying to get us to back down sir," Harry admitted. They had not managed to conceal the truth from the Headmaster, but they had to at least get some credit for as long as he had pretended to be fooled. "We didn't think he'd even get one."

"And you have how many of my teachers under your spell at the moment?"

"Only four." The old wizard wheezed. "If anyone finds out they slept with a student-"

"Harry, I can't replace four teachers at once. It would have been one thing if you stopped at Sybil-"

"Mafloy's got Snape," Ron said. "I don't think they did it, but I can't swear to it."

"No, that's unnecessary," Dumbledore said, temples resting on his fingers. "Professor Snape is actually Mr. Malfoy's godfather, and I have no trouble imagining young Draco simply telling him the truth and going along with the plan without any other incentive than defeating you in a schoolboy's wager." There was a pause. The two of them knew Snape was petty, but that level of pettiness was surprising even for him. "This is almost as bad as the Great Leaving Feast Orgy of 1974." He sighed. "Are any of the witches, either at Hogwarts or the visiting schools, pregnant?"

"None of the ones Ron or myself- We don't know about Malfoy, sir."

"Mr. Weasley's been helping you? At least you haven't involved Miss Granger."

"She thinks we're a pair of- well, I'd rather not say it."

"Thank you, Ronald," Dumbledore said, sighing deeply. "Some of us are quite tired of hearing those terms."

They took the chance to look over to the corner, where Pansy Parkinson was shaking in embarrassment, or the agony of being on the edge- Harry could not tell the difference with her back turned.

"Sir, what are we going to do about-"

"Miss Parkinson can be released from her curse, as can any other witch so afflicted. Before that, however, I shall need Mr. Malfoy." Harry surmised the patronus the Headmaster had cast a few minutes ago was a summons. The slimy Slytherin joined them only a few minutes of awkward staring later.

"You went to the Headmaster?" he asked, annoyed. "I had thought to delay you by forcing you to research how to remove it, when I had all of those books checked out already."

"How often have you been using it?" Ron asked. "Wait, don't tell me you already got the Carrow sisters-"

"How else do you imagine I could have secured dates for Crabbe and Goyle?"

"Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore started, interrupting. "Under normal circumstances, you would be expelled, due to your having confessed to using dark curses on fellow students."

"You didn't have proof?!" His eyes were wide with shock.

"However, due to the unprecedented nature of these events, and the undoing it would mean for the school if this came to light- you will not be expelled, merely forced to discontinue your competition. Bring me the contract."

Under the circumstances, Harry guessed it was the best way things could have gone. His own actions could have meant his own expulsion, and that would mean going back with the Dursleys. Dumbledore carefully read over the contract as soon as Malfoy produced it.

"I see. Most of this is how I predicted; by the letter of the agreement it is fair, and yet it is ripe for exploitation and rule-bending. I could say I expected better, but the amount of dishonesty already in this room might cause it to collapse, and I find I am rather fond of it." He sighed deeply. "The contract is binding under magical law, and I find I am not at liberty to put an end to the competition entirely, but I can add a line that specifically forbids either of you from sleeping with any more witches currently at this learning institution." As he was writing the line, Ron had an objection.

"But, sir, you're basically just giving Malfoy the competition, since he was ahead."

"How is that unfair?"

"He would have lost points with the witches if it came out that he was taking away their ability to orgasm," Harry explained, not looking at his rival. "We definitely would have come out ahead."

Dumbledore returned his head to a hanging position.

"Precisely how far ahead were you, Draco?"

A few charms were cast and if the headmaster could have looked more disappointed, he would have.

"Five witches then... a wonder that this sort of spell is what you learn the first year there is no direct threat to your life, Harry. I suppose it is plausible you could have closed this gap before the end of the year, especially if Mr. Malfoy were forced to discontinue. Very well, as I have no wish for this competition to see the light of day, and it will, if either side ends, I shall edit the document to give you a five witch deficit. This will end in a tie, and the House Cup, for the first time in three years running, will be won for academic reasons."

"I beg your pardon!" Malfoy exclaimed.

"Draco, your continued education at this learning institution is without a leg on which to stand. I shall allow the three of you to look at this document, but then it will remain in my possession to ensure that no other edits will be made."

The line Dumbledore added stated that sleeping with any witch listed on the rosters for any of the three schools would result in a point deduction of five. _'That's right, the charm we were casting has been specifically mentioned in the contract, so the nature of the contract can change its effect if we add 'contracto' to the incantation,'_ Harry remembered.

 _"Parvus mortem contracto,_ " Ron said, pointing his wand at Harry. Fortunately, he had not violated the rules so far, so his total was the same as the base total. "Wow, seventeen, that's one more than I've got."

"Is there any other matter we needed to address, now that we are all here?" the old wizard asked. Everyone's eyes drifted over to Pansy, who was furiously masturbating. "I fear I shall have to modify her memory after this." He waved his wand, casting some unknown curse-breaker. The witch's body immediately seized, her face an expression of pure pleasure.

They left the office after a stern warning not to think of ways to get around the contract.

"So how are we going to play this?"

"What?"

"How are we going to get around the contract?"

"Ron, we can't get around it- we were going to sleep with some older students, but now they're all off limits. Malfoy's probably done all the witches he could in Azkaban." Their rival had been wearing a pensive expression as they saw him leave the office. _'At least he doesn't know how to get ahead of us.'_

"Well, he's going to think of something. We'd better beat him to it."

"Did we ever get those time rings to work?" Harry asked after a pause.

"They should be done by now."

"Well, this is perfect- we can go back to before the contract changed-"

"If we did that, then the gap between Malfoy and you would just be smaller. Like, say we go back and hit three witches last week, all it's going to change is he gets a two point deficit."

"If we get ahead, would we get a deficit?" Harry asked.

"Maybe. He does like us more, and part of the point was to punish Malfoy, but I really don't think he wants either of you to win. He wanted to make it a tie between you and Malfoy so that Malfoy wouldn't have the most, which was what he needed to win."

He thought about it for a moment.

"Would that really change our total then, though?" he asked. "That version of us still wouldn't have had any more witches."

"Harry, I understand the spell well enough to cast it; that's about it. Look, I'll test it out for you and we'll see if my total changes. If it does, then we're good. You follow Malfoy- see what he's doing."

It was agreed.

Their most hated Slytherin, possibly after Snape, was strutting down a corridor. Harry found himself wondering if he had any intention to spy on the two of them, unless he had something in the works. A house elf appeared in front of him and Harry ducked behind a suit of armor, forgetting he had his cloak.

"What is it?" Malfoy asked.

"Please, master, I have not seens Master Potter or Master Weasley, but they are getsing up to suspicious thingsies indeed."

"Very well. I trust you do not want the same treatment that rabble-rouser Dobby received?"

"No, master, please, anything but clothesies-"

"Excellent. Do not ask me again how their campaign to bed witches has anything to do with the mudblood's crusade to clothe you, as by spying on them properly, you will find that out yourself." The house elf disappeared.

As Harry fumbled with his bag to get his cloak out, letting Malfoy get ahead some, he kicked himself for forgetting that the family that owned Dobby once would have some idea of how he generally behaved, and how that was different from others of his kind. _'So that's how he's doing it-'_ Harry thought. _'He's exploiting his knowledge of the elves- one of them must have told them that Hermione has been trying to free them.'_ He remembered something about how she roped Krum into one of those plots, and it honestly did not surprise him, because for all he knew there were no house elves in Bulgaria.

He followed Malfoy to an empty classroom, where he seemed to be waiting for someone. Fortunately, there seemed to be no one around yet, giving him some time to think about his next move. Both he and Ron knew that it was probably not possible for either of them to get into Azkaban, least of all when the witches there were taking showers, but Hogsmeade was at least a possibility. If they intended to sleep with adult witches who had ample opportunity to refuse, however, they would need to do so under aging potions, and therefore without the benefit of their identities.

"There you are, Draco." It was Snape's voice. Harry could wonder how it was he got into the room, but that was unimportant. "I trust you have found some other way to cock it up?" He nearly gave himself away by gasping. In class, it seemed like Snape could do nothing other than sing the praises of the Slytherins, but he guessed that was probably just to mess with the Gryffindors.

"I'm not the one who cocked it up, _sir._ " Malfoy's voice was tense. "Potter and Weasley went to Dumbledore after they found out about that curse you showed me."

"Precisely how did they find out?" Snape asked, suddenly descending like a bat on its insect prey.

"I- I'm not sure, sir- Parkinson-"

"If I did not go inexplicably mad when I was watching your little exchange in the Great Hall, I could have almost sworn you all but invited the two of them to try an evening with her."

"Okay, perhaps I did, sir, but if it had worked, they would have wasted a whole evening-"

"Very good, Draco, very good." The voice had no genuine praise in it. "Now, why did it not work? Why did Weasley- who could not find the root of his own family try- find out your little game?"

"Pansy must have told him-"

"Would she not have been too embarrassed to say anything? Why did she not simply blame her lack of enjoyment on him?"

"Well, I'm not sure, sir- perhaps it simply went on so long that the excuse ran out-"

"You underestimated them." He slammed the desk where Malfoy was sitting. "You underestimated them, and they made fools of you."

"Sir, I had not known Dumbledore would be quite so unfair-"

"You were fortunate to escape an actual punishment. I have no aging potions with which to provide you, and your limited charm is of no use in the wider world. Were I to apparate you anywhere, it would constitute a violation of the Restriction of Underage Magic, as I am neither your parent nor your guardian. Secondly, this contract that you foolishly wrote will take effect only where it is legally binding, meaning going beyond the shores is quite pointless."

"What do you recommend, then?" he asked. "We cannot simply give up."

"No, we cannot, nor can you return to Azkaban." He looked like he was thinking for a moment. "Yes, more drastic measures are necessary here, but they will involve no small amount of preparation. In the mean time, you are to delay Potter as much as possible."

"Of course, sir."

As Harry slinked away under the invisibility cloak, he found himself grateful neither of them seemed to know about the teachers he was controlling. He rounded a corridor and nearly ran into Ron. _'Well, at least he seems like he has good news,'_ he thought.

"You'll never believe it- it worked!"

"The time thing?"

"Oh, yeah, that worked, but also my trick for getting witches into bed worked. It was this weird party in maybe 1950, one of the fifth year prefects."

Harry tried to think of who might have been fifteen in that particular year, but he was fuzzy on when most older people were born.

"Gryffindor?"

"Yeah, it was in the common room. Don't remember what we were celebrating, but I think that was before anyone knew about Tom Riddle. Well, some people would have known about him, but-"

"Only as a recent Hogwarts graduate, I think. It doesn't really matter. Who was it?"

"Up until we got out of bed, I didn't know. She told me she absolutely never does that sort of thing, and I promised not to tell anyone, at least for forty years."

"Wait a minute..."

"It was McGonagall!"

"Really? Did she have her hair up back then?" Ron seemed to think it was a weird question to ask.

"I think so? When we were upstairs, definitely not. I'm not going to lie, mate, it was about the sexiest damn thing in the world seeing her let her hair down. She was already naked, but she was still all business until then."

"That sounds like her," Harry said, realizing his friend had more of an appetite for the weird than he ever did. "Does the charm show you with an extra point?"

"Yeah. We've got this; we can go back in time whenever."

"I'm still not sure it would work if we went back to right before the rule was changed. If the rule change applies to the spell in some way, then even if it counts in the past, won't it just not count at the end of the term?"

"Mate, all we need is a few to get ahead in case Malfoy's got one or two more up his sleeve, and if he does, Luna will tell us about it. I asked her to learn the spell."

"Well, he's planning something with Snape. I don't know what it is, because he said there were preparations, but they're not taking this lying down."

"Preparations?" Ron asked. "Is he going to brew a potion or something?"

"I wouldn't rule it out," Harry said. "We should raid his stores like we did two years ago. I've been thinking about it, and there's a way he could abuse veritaserum. If he gives a girl veritaserum and makes her spill all her secrets to Malfoy, he could promise not to tell anyone in exchange for-"

"That might not work, because I don't think you're allowed to give a witch a problem just so you can get her out of it; it goes against the basic spirit of the favor clause. If Snape's working on his behalf, I reckon it'll be the same, since we thought about Malfoy's dear old dad paying for a few strumpets."

"Well, I don't know what he's going to do, but I don't mean to let him do it. We can't take everything with us, so we'll grab any completed potions that look recent. He said he ran out of aging potions, and he probably wouldn't be saying that unless he also ran out of the ingredients."

"Damn, Harry, I didn't realize you were this sharp."

"Didn't realize it about myself. You're not a dullard either."

"Huh. It's a wonder how much we have to put our heads together without Hermione around," Ron wondered.

"Oh, speaking of, apparently Malfoy knows about her plans." Harry relayed his understanding of what happened with the Hogwarts House Elf.

"That foul little bastard!" They were nearing Snape's office before the explanation concluded, prompting him to shush his friend. "Is he in here?"

" _Homenium Revelio._ " No magical signatures appeared. "I'm willing to bet he's not. Don't know where he is or how long he'll be gone, though, so we have to move quickly."

Ron nodded and they got to work, just as planned. There were surprisingly few completed potions, and if either of them had been paying attention in class, they would know whether or not that was telling about their shelf life, but that was not the case. Back under the invisibility cloak, they were out in a matter of minutes.

"That went a bit too well," Ron said as they were sneaking away. "Could we have forgotten anything?"

"I don't think I forgot anything. Did you?"

"Oh, yeah, the second task is tomorrow."


	23. Squeezing In Another Witch

Harry and Ron were less than prepared for the second task of the Triwizard Tournament, but since all the competitors had managed to complete the first task, they still had a few hours to work out what to do about the second. Harry set himself to finding Cedric, somewhat annoyed at him for apparently ditching Cho, and not having the insight to do so before he would have lost points by sleeping with her, while Ron went after Krum, apparently believing he would need to hex the Bulgarian to give Fleur an advantage like they promised.

"Cedric," he said, finding the champion by himself. The young man wore such a glum expression he could not help but lose track of his own annoyance. "What's upset you?"

"It's Cho. I can't think of why she'd just transfer out. She said it didn't have a damn thing to do with me, but well..."

"Oh, so you don't really like Fleur?"

"No, we had to have dates. It was actually her idea. I think one of her teachers told her she had to have a date, and if she didn't want people to think anything of it, she should probably go with the other champion."

"That makes sense. Do you have any idea what the second task is?"

"Yeah; all you need is the bubble head charm, I think. Basically, we have to look around underwater for something, no idea what, and the selkies might be an obstacle."

"The bubble head charm lets you breathe underwater?" Cedric just sort of nodded.

"There's really nothing to it. I don't know how it's as much of a challenge as the last one, unless there's something I don't expect."

"Do you think the others have figured it out yet?"

"Krum's been boasting about how he's going to get ahead of us, so I'd be surprised if he didn't know. Fleur, I'm not sure. At the ball she said she had a bit of a fight with Cho of all people, and a couple of the other Ravenclaws. I don't think I realized it at the time, but she might have been trying to get it out of them."

"Get what out of them?"

"We got a stupid egg thing in the last task, and it was a bit of a trick getting it to give me a hint for the next task without busting my eardrums. She's meant to be pretty clever, but I wouldn't be surprised if something came up and she didn't have much time to try to puzzle it out."

"Maybe she went after Cho because she thought you knew."

"That could be it, but I never told anyone, so she and her friends wouldn't have been able to help."

Harry thought about it. It was pretty clear he had to find Fleur, but now helping her felt weird. He went out to the Beauxbatons carriages, thinking about how her actions, which might have had something to do with his actions, caused Cho to mark herself down to transfer out. Catching sight of the witch he saw earlier, who waved him on to go see Catrinette and Nanon without a second thought, he decided not to scowl. She probably had no idea what he and Ron had been saying, so warning them would have been as unwarranted as it would have been impossible, since she probably could not speak English.

It was easy enough to find Fleur, though he no longer had suspicions about why she had been spotted in the castle so much.

"May I speak to you in private?" he asked. "It's about the following task. I hear there's a misconception going around."

Without saying anything, she led him off to a carriage. He had been anticipating a similar sight for weeks, but as he followed her it occurred to him he did so without any of the excitement he had felt in the fantasy. She charmed the door after he closed it behind him. Unsurprisingly, the interior of the carriage was greater than it had any right to be, and it was furnished like a lady's bedroom.

"You may speak freely 'ere," she said. "I know you are 'Arry Potter." He nodded.

"I don't remember why I did that, but I don't believe I had any intention to keep it going for very long."

"Well, when everyone knows your name- what can you do?"

"I met with our headmaster yesterday. He said something about it being changed at the last minute, since someone knew about it- Cedric was there." Fleur's eyes narrowed. "My best mate's on his way over to Krum to tell him about the new task. We figured it might as well be fair."

"Yes, 'Arry, I am quite concerned about... fairness," she said, her voice somehow still seductive. "I do not, 'owever-"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you what the next task is for free."

Something like an electric current passed between them as the feel of her stare shifted. Harry felt drawn in, like he had at the World Cup, but he clutched his ring.

"Trying to get me drunk this early in the morning?" he asked, closing the distance and grabbing her by the shoulders. She was somewhat caught off-guard, but adjusted quickly. He planted his lips on hers, taking more of the control than she likely expected. If anything Hermione said about veelas turned out to be accurate, he would have to thank her, but fortunately he was only dealing with a partial one, at least according to rumor. His hands kneaded her tense shoulders as if without instruction.

"Oh, 'Arry..."

Pushing her down against the nearest bed felt like nothing in the world. He knew he could not keep surprising her, but he could very well remember what the bitch was willing to do to win. He wondered what had possessed her to go after Cedric's girlfriend rather than try to figure out the secret for herself, but he had no time to think about that as he started to remove her clothes. They must have been spelled not to rip, but slide easily off her body when he pulled at them. Fleur seemed to be directing his head downward, but rather than go along with her plan, he put a finger up her arse to hold her in place as he got his hard cock out with the other hand. She pulled him into a kiss as he drove into her, but as he started to move, he rolled her onto her belly and pulled upward on her anus, forcing her to brace herself with her hands with a moan somewhere between pleasure and pain.

It was a wonder he had not hurt her with how roughly he was using her, but he figured he could take that for granted. Her pleasure built and built as he felt her magic come through her body, using something like a sticking charm to keep him from pulling out all the way, not that he would. With the ring, he fucked her right through two orgasms before she started to suspect he was cheating as much as she was. At that point, he really should have stopped caring, but he was quite incapable of pulling out, and he had suspicions of his own.

"Want to tell me- about why I'm- stuck here?" he asked, still fucking her. Fleur did her best to respond, but it was coming out in French. He heard a delightful collection of words as she went off again, though he had no idea what they meant. He spied a potion on her dresser that seemed to be labeled 'magical translation' and thought to nick it whenever he was on his way out. Fleur released his cock after several minutes, exhausted and quite possibly unable to think straight. Her nude form was covered in sweat as she breathed heavily, trying to regain her composure. He picked up his own wand and summoned hers.

" _Sil vous-_ "

"Are you quite alright? Need another dose of your language potion?" He summoned it.

"Non, no- it is only somezing I use for friends. I don't need it."

"Want to tell me what the plan was?"

"I... I zought I would trap you until you said you would do anyzing for release. I was not surprised when you said zere was a change in ze task- one of your teachers told me ze same zing."

"Damn. I don't know half what's going on at this school. That must be why you went after Cho and Cedric." Fleur only nodded. "I can take a guess who might have told you- damn, Ron's heading off to the same thing-" He threw on his clothes and ignored the French witch's protests as he ran out. His invisibility cloak was probably still in his bed, meaning there was no hope for a stealth approach, but at the very least, he could get his friend out of there before it got too bad. When he arrived at the Durmstrang ship, however, one of the ones who could speak English called down to him that no one from Hogwarts had visited. Thanking them, he set off back toward the castle.

It crossed his mind that Ron could have some information that suggested Krum was in or around the castle, but without any such information himself, he was still stuck looking around blindly. _'Damn. I wish I had a House Elf to apparate me around like Malfoy,'_ he thought. It was quite the surprise when he threw open the doors and saw Ron.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "I thought you'd be looking for- don't by the way, Moody already-"

"Well, I kinda decided there were better ways of spending time."

"What?"

"I was looking around for him, but then Parkinson found me. She said that if I'm half as good as I let on, then we might as well pick up where we left off. You should try her sometime, mate, she does this weird thing where she's insulting you the whole time, but you can tell she doesn't really mean it."

"Well, that's definitely weird. Did you decide not to go after Krum after that?"

"Yeah. I thought about it a bit, and I decided I wasn't really mad at him. If I couldn't find him, that was fine. The task's probably going on right now. Want to watch?"

"Not really. Fleur's- well, she's a bit more complicated than we realized. There isn't really a need to get her to win the whole thing anyway."

"Don't tell me-" Ron started, eyes widening. He only nodded. "Bloody hell, Harry, how'd you manage that?"

"She was actually thinking she'd trap me- it doesn't matter. It's another point on the board, and I doubt we've slowed down Snape's plan by very much, so we'll need all of those that we can get."

All of a sudden a time portal opened right next to them. Looking around, Harry noticed they were indeed alone for the moment, while Ron bemoaned that it was happening again. Cressida jumped out, shivering. An icy gust of wind blew a few snowflakes into the present.

"Come with me. I'm sorry for doing this one out of order, but- you'll thank me later."

"Really hope you're right," Harry said, following her. Ron was still grumbling about it, but he jumped through anyway. If one thing was certain, whatever it was, they were in for it together.


	24. The Uniforms of the Other Team

"The Ice Age? Really? The Ice Age?" Ron asked, possibly for the third time.

"Apparently someone reads our time logs," Cressida said, explaining nothing. "What you need to know is that there's a problem here because Granger escaped somehow and now we need to put it back right again."

The pair of them were perfectly without complaint on the subject of Granger getting away. Fortunately, the rogue time cop had nothing more to offer him, so Harry had no problem with letting her go to future prison, assuming that was what happened to people who meddled too much.

"What exactly was changed?" he asked, shouting over the howling winds. "How do we know we're in the right place?"

Cressida pointed to a bonfire in the distance.

"She's tossing some of our ancestors into a fire," she explained. "Don't ask me how I heard about it initially, I'm not explaining it twice."

Fortunately for the sake of easy questions to answer, it seemed Ron latched onto the first part.

"Our ancestors? Little early mammal things?"

"No, this was before that. I'm afraid she's already wiped out the population of Ulstasia."

"I've never heard of that place," Harry confessed.

"Yes, this is why. Distract her or something while we approach."

 _"Expecto Patronum,_ " he incanted, thinking of, oddly enough, the dance with Alicia. A silver stag cantered forth and went ahead of the time cop as she followed under the cloak, bidding the two of them stay back.

"This has got to be the worst trip to the past yet," Ron muttered.

"Definitely not one of the better ones," Harry agreed. "I wasn't exactly freezing my bollocks off the last time, at least."

"I'll bet we could make better use of the damn things if we tried."

He decided it was about time to explain the basic rules behind time travel, at least as well as he understood them. He knew he was probably getting something wrong, but there was nothing for it. Eventually, Cressida returned.

"Granger's in a cell without her wand or time hoop. I'll interrogate her later."

"That was it? You just needed to borrow the cloak?" Harry asked.

"I also needed some kind of distraction, and your patronus served nicely. I really must refrain from telling you any more, only I have a word of advice from the future."

"Yeah?"

"Harry, go along with the mad thing Ron is about to suggest. It's worth it."

They went back to their own time with more questions than answers, mostly because it seemed Ron had not actually thought of what he was going to suggest.

"Were you going to suggest going back in time?" he asked as they walked up to the dormitories. They had classes the following morning, and they were both exhausted.

"No, I thought about that, but from what you're saying there are a lot of risks involved. We'll only do that if we need to get really far ahead all at once."

"Well, think about it, and tell me in the morning, all right?"

"Yeah, that works, mate."

The following morning the pair of them were eating breakfast before classes. The stolen potions were in the mysterious room, since that was safer than carrying them around, but what was hanging over their heads was the fact that each of them had slept with a witch in direct violation of the new contract, meaning Harry would lose five points. Ron cast the charm on him just to make sure, but the number 18 appeared.

"What?" he asked between bites of bacon and eggs. "How's that-" He cast it again. "Did Dumbledore just lie about changing the contract?"

"I wouldn't take any chances," Harry started.

"Oh, really?" They both turned around at the sound of the familiar voice. It belonged to Malfoy.

"We're not going to fall for your tricks," Ron said, swallowing first, thankfully.

"Oh, there is hardly any need for trickery. Professor Snape discovered that the changes to the contract would only go into effect this morning, meaning I've had all this time to get ahead. Of course, I felt only getting ahead by three was terribly necessary, but the contest is well and truly over now."

" _Parvus mortem contracto._ " A number 20 appeared.

"I expect you went ahead and did it without thinking about it? Perhaps out of habit? A habit born out of desperation? Well, there is truly no need to struggle any longer. For once, Potter, you will have finally cost Gryffindor the whole cup, and then we're sure to win."

"You haven't even considered Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw," Harry pointed out. Though it would benefit Malfoy to lie, but it made sense. Dumbledore had said something about magical contracts being difficult to alter, even with the requisite skill.

"I haven't considered who exactly?" He simply laughed a perfect laugh and sauntered off.

"He's got to be lying-" Ron started. "Why wouldn't Dumbledore change the contract right away if he could?"

"It's too low on his priorities, I think. When he acted like he was changing it, he was hoping we would think it was changed. I'm betting he summoned Snape to his office to tell him off about helping Malfoy, and somehow Snape got it out of him that changing the contract would take a bit of doing, so he was handling more important business first."

"More important business?"

"I think it has to do with Moody. He's getting leery after I started asking questions."

"That makes sense. We should still send a teacher after Dumbledore to make sure the change is really in effect now," Ron decided. "I think I know just the bird."

He got up and walked over to the table where the teachers sat and it seemed McGonagall was following him as he walked back. Harry decided to keep in earshot of them as they went out of the Great Hall. It was only a few words of the conversation that he needed to hear before deciding he might as well go to class, though."

"Mr. Weasley, this is highly irregular- you must know that I had no idea you were one of my future students-"

"Really? I was worried I gave it away after you asked me to pretend to be Horace Slughorn and I'd never met him."

In class he resolved to try to get ahead on the actual material so he would have time later. His teachers went back to commending his efforts. _'They could probably see I was distracted about something last year, and probably the year before that as well.'_

When at last he and Ron were out of classes, they were walking to the strange room by themselves.

"It's almost like you want to prove Hermione right about us," Harry joked, hoping some sort of expectation would follow. Instead there was only a nervous laugh. "I take it you've thought of something mad?"

"Yeah, mate, I reckon I have." They went into the room. As expected, there was no one in there. "I'm pretty sure it was our future selves giving us a message. We should really go along with it."

"Can I please at least know whatever mad thing-" he started back, his eyes widening as Ron extended a potion to him. "What the hell is this, Ron?"

"You're familiar with this brew," his friend said. "Nothing you haven't had before..."

"What did you put in it?" Harry asked, still not sure what the potion was.

"Something else that's really familiar. We're not going to get ahead of Malfoy unless we do this, so it might as well go down the old-" Deciding to end the guessing game the only way it could, he went ahead and drank the potion, overcome with a familiar sensation, as promised, but then the unfamiliar happened. All of a sudden he felt lighter, shorter, and weird all over. His uniform was loose.

"Ron-" he said, his voice coming out high pitched. "You've turned me into a girl!"

"Yes, temporarily," he said. "This is so we can see if it works."

"See if what works?" Harry asked, her voice not behaving and going lower. _'Wait, am I starting to think of myself as a girl?'_ she asked.

"Well, what's your name?"

"Harry?" she said, almost unsure of it.

"Is Harry one of the witches enrolled at this school?"

"No?"

"Ron, this is easily the smartest stupid idea you've ever had," Harry said, piecing it together. Even if Ron's point total went down, that did not really matter, since Harry's point total would at least stay the same. She was having trouble, however, getting past the next part.

"I'm glad we're all in agreement," he said. "Well, off with the clothes."

"What?"

"I knew this was going to be the hard part."

"Ron, are you saying you actually want to fuck me?"

"If it helps, you look very attractive to me right now, so yes." Harry hesitated. There was something about his voice... She put her hands on her head, feeling the strangely long hair.

"Arhh- you're doing something to my head," she protested. "You didn't put any love potion in that, did you?"

"No, I wouldn't do that to you or Hermione. You know that. You're being unreasonable-"

"Oh, well, I'm sorry, I don't have my big, manly penis that makes me calm down and think about things!" she screamed. "Why am I thinking these thoughts?" Her voice was more worried than angry.

"Well, you have a witch brain."

"Really? It works like that?"

"I mean, yeah, mate, if you polyjuiced into someone with a head injury, like a spike stuck in his brain, I don't know if you'd have the spike, but you'd at least have the hole where it should be. When you polyjuice into a witch, that makes you a witch. You've got hormones or whatever the muggles call them making you think more like a witch."

"Why do I remember everything then?"

"It doesn't effect your soul, I don't think, but that's about it. Every bit of your body that's made of... material... stuff, it changes."

"Your soul holds memories?"

"Yeah, mate, I guess it does. I reckon we didn't notice anything different when we were Crabbe and Goyle, because at least they're blokes."

Harry was still having some trouble. She had known Ron ever since getting on the train at Platform 9 3/4, and had not spent one minute wanting to have sex with him. Being a witch, though, things were different somehow, and that was what unsettled her most of all. She felt the need to cover her breasts, even though they were not exposed. Touching them, however, had a strange sensation attached to it.

"I... I didn't know it would feel like this," she said. "It feels..."

"It'll feel better if I do it."

"What?" she squeaked. "No... not yet... please." She got onto the bed and tried to calm down as she put a hand down her trousers. There was well and truly no penis there, which was weird, with all her memories of having one, but having an already damp little hole felt strangely natural to her as she touched it. Yes, of course, sex was a receptive experience, what had she been thinking? She removed her clothes for better access, remembering how to play with a witch's body came easily, she just had to do it to herself. Putting a finger inside herself as she handled her breast, she rubbed a sensitive spot inside of her until she had an orgasm, which was like nothing she had ever felt before, an electric sensation running through her whole body.

"Had enough fun by yourself?" Ron was naked, climbing into bed with her. Somehow Harry had been able to avoid looking at his body thus far, focusing ever on the girl beneath his own, but now he could not take his eyes off. She found herself drawn to his figure, the breadth of his shoulders, the way his eyes sparkled as he...

"Hey..." she said, ineffectively putting her hands on his shoulders as he climbed on top of her. "Don't... don't do anything funny or I'll hex you... I didn't know it was going to be this weird."

"I reckon our future selves knew." Harry gulped. She remembered as well as Ron did that they had been told to go along with whatever mad idea he had, and this idea certainly qualified as mad. "Are you going to be all right?" he asked softly.

"Ron, when you talk so seriously, I..." Harry knew her face was going red. "Can you... please turn out the lights? I... I think I'm ready, I just don't want to think about it being with you."

"I can sympathize that much," her friend said, waving his wand as the room darkened. "Don't think I'll have as much trouble, though."

Ron had been right about the sensation being better when someone else did it. As he kissed her, he massaged her breast and her body started to warm again, yet it seemed he had anything in mind except getting it over with. She knew she would have asked him to be gentle if she had thought of it, but he was practically making love to her; his fingers did not even stretch her sensitive walls as he made her even wetter. By the time he entered, her breath caught and she felt a sharp pain, holding onto him suddenly, her hands going around his strong back and her fingernails digging into his skin. They remained there for perhaps a few seconds, perhaps an age before he started to move.

Harry had a lot less trouble breathing from the massive weight on her body than she expected, but she was moaning all the same, though she had no idea why. She rather liked the way his body pressed down upon hers and the way he held her in his arms as he penetrated her; her toes curled as she wrapped her legs around him, remembering the ring. It sounded like he was trying to tell her something, but either he was dividing his focus too much or he could not quite commit to saying it; she ignored him as this strange pressure was building in her lower body. It was an orgasm, she knew, but it was not like the one from only a moment ago. Her nails raked down the wizard's back as he continued to pound, her walls squeezing tightly around him.

"More... more..." she begged, coherence not particularly necessary as he showed no signs of stopping. Being rolled over and fucked from behind hit a different spot inside of her, but she liked it about as much. She had managed a third orgasm before Ron pulled out, tired. The weridness started to set back in as they stared up at the ceiling again. "This doesn't apply when we're both blokes, okay?"

"Don't need to do much to persuade me," her friend said. "Real chuffed you phrased it like that, though, since you're going to be the bloke next." Harry's brow knitted. Being a witch, she did not particularly want to fuck her friend, but she supposed she would feel differently at the very least if her friend were a pretty witch, and she went back to being a wizard. _'I have no earthly idea why that's such a weird thought,'_ she mused. _'Have I not have a cock between my legs all my life?'_

"Before I change back," she said, presuming Ron could time potions and she had a few minutes left. "Cast the spell on yourself." He did so without particular difficulty and a number 19 appeared. "That's brilliant!" she said. "That puts you one behind Malfoy!"

"I think I know what I deserve for this," he said.

"I'm not sucking your cock," she responded.

"Oh, come off it, Harry, all the witches I've had at least tolerated it-"

"What if I turn back halfway through?"

"You've got at least another minute or so," Ron said, taking off the ring. Harry developed a devious smirk. Taking the unprotected member in her hand, she wanked it skillfully and kissed the tip. The taste was definitely weird, but it was no worse than her memories of performing oral on witches, though in fairness those felt weird to her. Her friend indicated he was feeling it as she started to take him in her mouth, finding it a little more difficult than expected. He had a normal sized cock, she knew, but even that was getting caught in her throat until she repositioned herself, and even then it was uncomfortable, but strangely enjoyable in the eroticism of it. Experienced with the organ she had in her mouth, she knew when he was getting close, so she slowed down, working only on the tip, leaning back as he was about to grab her head and force her back down.

"Hold on, I think I'm starting to feel the change," she said, still teasing him with a hand.

"Mate, I'm right on the edge, please-"

"No, no, I don't think I'll be a girl all the way through it." In actuality she was only just starting to feel the masculine thoughts return to her mind. "How about this, you go ahead and drink the potion, and we'll play around like that until I change?"

"What? No, just let me go off first- who knows what'll happen if I-"

Harry could tell Ron was painfully close as he changed back, releasing his cock before the change reached his soon to be male hand. His friend looked like he was trying to pass a kidney stone. Grabbing his wand, he summoned the potion.

"Well, no time like the present," he said. "Whose hair are we using?"

"I was going to let you pick. I've summoned a few loose hairs off a few different witches." Ron grimaced as he looked over some hairs sitting on the rim of the Pensieve. "I think that black one is Alicia's."

"We'll go with that one," he said, figuring one of the others was probably Pansy Parkinson, given the time frame. He summoned Alicia's hair and put it into the potion before giving it to his friend, nursing a denied orgasm though he was. The change was almost immediate. Alicia was only a little shorter than Ron, so that was hard to notice, but the fact that Ron was already naked made the whole transformation visible.

"Blimey, Harry," a witch's voice said. "I haven't got a cock."

"Yeah, that was a weird bit," he said. "You've got some nice tits, though," he offered, reaching over and feeling them. It looked like Ron was surprised to be touched, but the same incentives to draw back that the real Alicia would have were not there. It was like touching a girl with no societally imposed restraints on her sex drive. "Huh. I suppose we would be real sluts if it actually mattered."

"Can't argue with that, mate," Ron said, still in normal diction if with a completely different voice.

Harry started without warning, kissing the pretty witch in front of him to get her back for springing it on him earlier, forcing his way through the barrier of weirdness he was feeling himself. He toyed with her nipples as she touched herself, somewhat more inclined to participate in the fun. It crossed his mind that the other girl must have been someone who at least on a physical level preferred to go along for the ride, and it crossed his mind that he did not know who she was, except that she was someone Ron found attractive, while he was a wizard.

"This is a nice change for you, you know," Harry said, pushing Ron's hand aside to put his own in.

"Oh, bugger you-"

"You already had your chance with that." He kissed her again as he rubbed his cock against her warm, wet entrance. "Tell you what, I'll do it to you and we'll see how much a witch normally likes it."

"What?" He plunged in rather than answering the question. Ron looked a mixture of relieved he was going in the proper way and surprised at how good she felt. Her face reddened as he continued and she put her arms around him, moving her hips to match his rhythm. The way her pleasure built as he moved was easily visible; she was practically glowing by the time he put her over the edge. Her breath caught and she moaned and for a moment he thought he was really having sex with Alicia. It felt decidedly different than being a with and having sex from her perspective, and not exactly better, but more familiar, and the weirdness of it could be somewhat ignored when he managed to forget it was Ron somewhere in there.

The witch came a second time as he worked a finger into her other hole. He could not have said where exactly she would be sensitive in there, but she certainly noticed; she grimaced and started cutely saying 'mate' over and over as he worked her up to a third. Pinching her nipples, he pulled out and put his still-wet cock directly into her arse, watching her eyes widen. He fucked her like that for what felt like a few minutes until her grimace faded. She started to breathe heavily as he continued, angling her body as she started to feel good.

"Oh, no-" Harry started. "You might start to change back," he said. "Wouldn't want to be doing this to a guy." The witch had a momentary horrified expression on her face, but she held him in place with her legs.

"No, please... keep going... I'm so... close..." The witch could no longer speak, she was biting her lip and moaning as her lower body twitched. She breathed a long sigh of relief as her hands fell back to the bed and he pulled out slowly.

"That's one thing that definitely doesn't apply when we're both blokes," he said. "Are you all right? It doesn't still hurt or anything?"

"It only hurt a bit at first." Ron grabbed her clothes and started to put them back on; Harry did the same. "Don't ask if I'm in pain or not."

"I can't help but be concerned about a witch."

"Well, don't get into the habit," she responded. "Do you feel kind of bad about this?"

"About what?"

"Just, well, we got to play around with these girls' bodies when we didn't ask them."

Harry instinctively wanted to say that no, he did not feel bad about it, but when he started to think about it, he probably would not like it if anyone took advantage of a perfect copy of his body. Perhaps it was not the exact same thing as just taking the witches themselves and doing whatever they wanted with them, but it did feel like they stole something.

"Well, we'll just have to ask them, sleep with them, and then it won't make a difference. That'll be after this little wager with Malfoy is over, though."

"Yeah." He seemed to be thinking for a moment. "Do you like Alicia?"

"I mean, I think she's pretty cool."

"Yeah, but do you like her?"

"Ron, turn back into a bloke," he said, getting the rest of his clothes on.


End file.
